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Relationship or Dealings with BM's Mother?

bioandstep2009's picture

Hmmm... So, BM's biological mother is in town visiting BM. BM was adopted as a baby but looked up and found her biomom when she was a teenager and they've had a good relationship ever since. Anyway, so she's here visiting BM and company. SS10 is giddy because he loves BM's mom, only sees her once a year (she lives on the west coast, we live on the east coast), he's missing a day of school to do a whole day's worth of quality time with BM's mom (and potential spoiling) which I understand since she only sees him once a year, not thrilled about him missing a day of school with all of his learning issues, but whatever, not my problem. From what I've heard from FH and FH's family, she really is a lovely, kind woman. Maybe if she had raised BM, she wouldn't be as f-ed up in the head as she is.

BM, her mom and SS10 had to pick up SS10's stuff from FH's work once they picked up SS10 from school (it's BM's EOWE anyway). FH hadn't seen BM's mom in more than five years. When he saw her, BM's mom said she really wanted to meet me and my DD11, that she was really happy for us (we're getting married in a couple of weeks). So FH wants me and DD11 to go with him when we pick up SS10 this Sunday at the exchange spot so that we can meet BM's mom. I feel kinda weird about it because I don't know why she'd want to meet me. I'm just SS10's stepmother and half the time, I feel like and get treated like dirt even though I take care of him more than either of his two biological parents.

I'm sure I'll be just fine. I've seen pictures of her (BM and SS10 look EXACTLY like her) and despite any awkwardness I may feel internally (because she's BM's mom), I can't be anything BUT polite and nice when I meet her. I know myself too well and my parents raised me too well to be anything but that way.

So I want to know, what has been your experience as a stepmom or stepdad meeting the BM's or BF's parents / XILs?

TheWife's picture

I have never met her mom. SD told me yesterday that last she heard, her gramma might be in jail. That's all I have to say about that.

Her dad and stepmom, I met ONCE for about 15 secs at the only school function I have seen them come to for SD in over 5 years.

Her family is whacked anyway.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

bioandstep2009's picture

Well, I guess for your psycho BM, that apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh? Gramma in jail? What a wonderful line of women SD gets as role models on BM's side....NOT.

TheWife's picture

Yeah, Gramma was living with them for a while because she had no place to go. BM got her a job at the gas station (LMAO!) but she doesn't work there anymore. According to DH, Gramma and BM's brother are alkies and addicts.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

stepmasochist's picture

I've met BM's mom. She is a nasty piece of work and I hope I never have to see her ugly self-righteous ass again. She's disgusting and stupid and mean to the skids. She treats SD11 like she's her best friend and then spends all day with her lard butt on the couch barking orders to the other two. Seems like they don't like her much.

And it also seems, she's had a falling out with BM because she called MIL asking if she could stop by and see the kids one afternoon. MIL keeps the kids afterschool until we get off work.

This woman hid SD11 (at the time like 2) from DH. I hope she gets everything that should be coming to her and she needs to stay out of my way.

bioandstep2009's picture

Actually, both her biological mom AND her adoptive mom are visiting. Some big shindig going on for one of BM's skids. The biological mom is the one I'm supposed to meet. And yeah, I can't quite understand how she calls her "mom" when another woman adopted her and raised her as her own. From what FH has told me, BM's adoptive mom who raised her for her whole life, is what we refer to as "Mommy Dearest". She was and still is a cold woman and the two of them, though they are QUITE alike, do not get along well.

DISbelief's picture

I interact with BM's mom often. She works at the kids school... and she often will pick SS up when BM is "working". That is rare TRUST ME, but it happens. She is a lovely lady. And despite the fact that DH "ruined" her duaghters life (as BM so often puts it), I think she knows that her daughter is irresponsible and it is a good idea to keep in good with us, because if BM ever moves away, or goes to jail, she will have to go through us to see SS. And with BM, you just never ever know. DH has said more than once "if only BM was as nice as her MOM... life would be so much easier". And it's true! Now, her dad on the other hand KNOWS what a loser she is... yet still hates me and DH, and lets everyone know it. I have never "met" him. But have had several run in's with him and his wife. Once at the hospital when BM got in an accident and SS was in the emergency room. His wife (BM's STEPMOM) wanted to go back to see SS. BM's mom asked me to show her back, since I was a parent and could come and go as I please ... I was promptly told "I don't need help from you. I will find him on my own". I said "go for it" and let her turn the wrong way down the hall...BM's mom and I had a good laugh, then I went back to give SS his clothes back. About 20 minutes later she found us in SS's room. BM with my arms wrapped around her, she was crying... and DH was not even in the room. Needless to say her stepmom felt really stupid and out of place in that room, and left quickly. So... I think it depends on the parent.

In your case she sounds like a nice enough woman. I see nothing wrong in meeting her, and being friendly.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ Wink

DISbelief's picture

BM chalks her bitter and bitchy view on life to the divorce. Hence the comment "DH ruined my life". Her mom has been divorced 3 times. She seems to handle life quite well. She is a happy person. She is really cute... nothing like a typical gramma. She dressed cute, listens to current music. She has a purple streak in her hair. She is just adorable. Stays fit.. and is just a NICE person. Why couldn't she have taught her daughter these qualities??? Or maybe BM is just that dumb? I dunno, I tend to assume the latter of the two there!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ Wink

StepMadre's picture

Hahaha! I have never officially met BMs mom, but let's just say that BM didn't turn out to be crazy without a genetic precedent! Her mom is apparently loonier than the looniest tune. I am actually kind of morbidly curious about how it will go when I eventually run into her because I am told that she has no self control and is completely and totally crazy. She is the epitome of white trash and conned some deluded fool into paying for many plastic surgeries. She is built like a line backer and is gigantic with the personal taste of a hooker from New Jersey. Her story is that she got pregnant on purpose when she was seventeen so that she would have someone who was "guaranteed to love her." Each of her subsequent spawn were from one night stands yet were all conceived on purpose. She would go to bars, pick up some creep and get pregnant. She was incapable of taking care of children and so her children were raised by various family members and BM was made a ward of the state and then given custody of one of her sisters when they were teens. Every single member of BMs family could have made an appearance on Jerry Springer and they are all stupid, trashy and hideous. There are stories upon stories about BMs crazy mother. According to DH, every Christmas, when he was still with BM, she would stay with them and get drunk and break down sobbing and asking if she was a "good mother." DH's mom is sweet, pretty and classy so DH was completely inexperienced and lost about how to deal with BMs drunk, sobbing mother. BMs mom is unsurprisingly horrible with the skids and makes a huge fuss over them for one minute and then doesn't want them around.
Apparently, BMs mom totally has it in for me and I have been warned by multiple people that she will try to physically attack me when she meets me. Right after DH left BM, he had to pick up the skids from a visit with her and she was so angry with him that she was physically shaking! He thinks the only reason she didn't totally lose it was because the skids were there. Both BM and her mom have cheated on every guy they've been with (which between them both has been a lot) and the hilarious thing is that when DH left BM, both of them were outraged and called him a cheater! DH is seriously honest to a fault and hasn't cheated on anyone in his life and he was completely up front with BM about everything. He left her and THEN got together with me, he never cheated on her and couldn't live with himself if he had. I also have never cheated and never could! BM and her crazy mom simply do not get that to accuse DH of cheating is the most hypocritical thing they can do. Not only is it not true, but they themselves are cheaters!! I have never understood how they didn't see the hypocrisy! I for one, will be more than happy to dial 911 and slap a restraining order on BMs mom if she so much as lays a finger on me. I am curious to see if two years has lessened her rage towards me and will be entertained by any white trash antics I get to witness. She is on husband #4 at the moment and lives out of town, but BM takes the skids to her house every weekend she has them so she is rarely in town, otherwise I'm sure I would have "met" her by now. BM fully acknowledges that her mother is crazy and a bad parent, but fails to see that she is becoming an exact replica of her (with less silicone). Her mom is crazy, desperate, tacky and trashy and BM is as well. The main difference is that BM is unable to land a man...

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde

Queenofdenial's picture

I have not really met BM's mother nor do I care to. She lives in another State but comes about once a year to visit. I have only seen her in a court room. Then once more on the road when she was visting and she flipped us off (classy huh?). I have heard from everyone including BM that her mother is a nutcase! ( I wanted to tell BM... well the apple doesnt fall far from the tree.