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Spouse too close to the Ex?

betterman's picture

First of all, I want everyone to know that my name "betterman" does NOT mean that's
what I think of myself. It means I joined this blog to BECOME a "betterman".
Just wanted to make that clear.
Okay.....So where is the line drawn when it comes to your spouse ( male or female ) being
"too close" with the ex? And how do you bring this subject up without looking like your
insecure? or a freak?
Basic problem; My wife talks to her Ex just about every day. Could be texting, phone or
e-mail. Whatever. Sometimes it is more than an hour a day. Sometimes it has been at odd
hours ( 530am, midnight ). Now, my wife's ex is an "every other weekend Dad". He has no
interest in his child's school life, medical life or friendship life. He does however get into
his son's sporting activities. My wife plans, pays and escorts her son ALL the time.
Dad depends on "Mom" to do everything and to communicate everything to him and for him.
Please understand, I want a good relationship between my wife and her ex. That is better
for our relationship and me! Hence, my question to start the blog entry.
Now also keep in mind, I work overseas (at the moment) and have to find out how close they
are through coming home to surprises while on R&R.
Any takers? Anybody have an opinion?

CrystalRE's picture

This is a very familiar situation for me. My ex and I had the same relationship for about a year after our divorce. He was alone and insecure and found comfort in talking to me as I was familiar to him. When he entered into a relationship the phone calls would stop and when the relationship ended they would start again. Just the same as your situation these calls were never about our daughter. I was in a relationship the whole time that this went on and my partner was fairly understanding of it at first.

After a while he approached me about the calls and put the situation into perspective not by attacking me or my ex but simply by telling me that allowing him to depend on me for support was not healthy for my ex or for our new relationship. I soon realized that he was right. My ex cannot depend on me forever. While I was sorry that he was lonely I couldnt take it upon myself to fix that and I needed to step back and let him find other ways to fill his voids. Eventually the calls stopped and while we still talk from time to time and communicate ok for the sake of our daughter, he no longer finds it appropriate to talk with me our personal issues.

A final thought: Could it be that your wife is lonely and using her ex for comfort with you being a way all of the time(my situation reversed)??? Hope this helped.

joshua09's picture

i know i'm a little late on this but here's what i think. it sounds like the person your with has an inapropriate relationship with their ex. to be honest if someone if with you dating/married whatever then the only business they should have talking with their ex should be about the kids. the rest of you significant others life is none of their business aside from the kids. and i'm not going to believe for a second that if they are talking up to an hour a day or in the middle of the night that it's always about the kids. sounds like they are still personally and intimately involved to me. that should be cut off if their with someone cause it's not fair to that someone and is a bit inapropriate. seriously my wife talks to her ex about when to pick up the kids and when to drop them off and that's about it. ya know why? because she depends on me for emotional support, or atleast herself, but certainly not him. hope i helped.