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Christmas card conundrum

pixielady's picture

DS is having his first Christmas (he was born right after Christmas last year), and I wanted to do a First Christmas card with his photo, but will I get flack for not including SS8 who is long distance? We won't be seeing him here until the week of Christmas, though DH is visiting him for Thanksgiving for a couple of days. I didn't send out Birth Announcements so I wanted to send this as a combo Birth Announcement/First Christmas card. Should I get them and send to my family only and send DH's family generic Christmas cards? Should I use a random iPhone photo of both boys and send them to everyone? I know blended family stepmoms who have their own bio kids miss out on a lot of the firsts because they have to think about the skids, but I can't help feeling I want my own first baby on his own Christmas card for his first year. BM will prob do an SS Xmas card. Thoughts? Advice? Please no "you're a crap stepmom for being selfish, blah blah). I would appreciate real advice from those who have experienced this before. What solution has worked out best?

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

Why not do a Christmas card with multiple pictures? One of each boy (your DH could get a good one at Thanksgiving) and one of you and DH?

I always envision Christmas cards as being a family affair, ergo the whole family is in it. If you have 1st Christmas pictures you want some family to have, include a wallet size photo of DS in with those cards (or get larger prints and give them to special family like grandparents, etc).

Honestly, when I get customized Christmas cards, I barely look at them. However, if I got them from a family that I knew had multiple kids, I'd find it a bit odd to see a picture of only one kid signed off by "The Smith Family". It just seems...weird to not include the whole family on family Christmas cards.

pixielady's picture

OH, that's a good idea to get wallet size photos of 1st Christmas ones for DS to include in the cards. When I was considering getting Christmas cards with just DS, we would have had them signed off from him as it's his first Christmas. Thanks for the ideas.

lieutenant_dad's picture

If you plan on having a 1st birthday party, you could also have an invitation with him celebrating his 1st Christmas and birthday. Something like "Happy Holidays make for a Happy First Birthday" or "Christmas Babies are Happy Babies" or "Thus Year Starts the Tradition of Singing 'Jingle Bells' and 'Happy Birthday' at the Same Time" or some other clever Pinterest-y saying. The front is his picture and the back is the invitation so family can keep it in an album with it looking like a Christmas card or just a picture.

Paintcrisis's picture

I used to send the christmas cards to my list only and included just my kids.

Most of my family and almost all of my friends never met the former skids so i didnt bother.

I sent the ILs a generic card.

strugglingSM's picture

I would probably send a card with your baby on the front - with an announcement of his birth / first Christmas, whatever you like and maybe put a pic of the whole family on the back and say "with love from the Joneses". You could also just do the announcement and leave off the back. Maybe also sign the SS's name.

I'm the second child in my family and it honestly makes me a little annoyed that my sister appears in nearly every picture. She's three years older, butntjere she is in my first Christmas photo, first birthday photo, everything. I saw let your child have some things to himself.

ESMOD's picture

What I would do is have a 'family' christmas card and also have printed up an insert with the babies first christmas and his picture on it. Enclose the "first Christmas" enclosure in the cards of those who would care to know about his arrival.

The family christmas card could have pictures of everyone in the family (like faces in ornaments.. if everyone couldn't be present)..or could just be a generic box set.

What you do NOT want to do is to create a "family" card and omit your husband's child because that would be hurtful to that boy if he saw it.. it's not his fault he lives away from his dad.

So.. again, family card with extra picture with "first Christmas/Birth" announcement enclosed.

mommadukes2015's picture

I have 2 step kids with 2 BM's. SS12 lives with us, SD7 lives with her mother & her grandparents. SO has been doing this stupid "supervised visitation" that BM2 has insisted on (without cause) for the last 4 years. He picks up SD or visits her at home. She "isn't comfortable" coming to our house (for whatever reason, I'm sure if control freak BM told her she needed to go she would be fine, but she won't-not my circus not my monkey). So when I do family photos, or send Christmas cards, I don't put SD on them because well, while we all consider her part of our family, she isn't physically allowed to be part of our family.

BM has made a point to introduce SD7 to me, and my kids go on playdates when their dad goes for visitation some times and the LOVE it and as much as we would love her to join our motley crue it just isn't my place to figure out. I have a strict policy of "I worry about the kids I'm responsible for" SD has two solid parents-it's their job to figure this out. It's my job to support my SO or tell him when I think he's being difficult or avoiding something.

I don't know if your situation is similar but if I sent a Christmas card to SO's family with us SS12 (who lives with us) and BD3 I don't think they would bat an eye. Of course, none of them besides my BIL have been allowed to meet her so there's that.

DaizyDuke's picture

If you are not seeing your SS until the week before Christmas, I am assuming he is long distance and you only see him a handful of times a year? I don't see a problem with just doing a Christmas card/birth announcement for your little one. If SS lived with you or even came 50/50, then I can see where that might be a problem but like someone said above, maybe even include a pic of SS and BS together inside the card and sign it from family.

RainbowsAndDaisies's picture

I imagine you will catch flack whether you decide to include the stepkid in the photo for the card or not. You're going to have to make a decision and stick with it, whichever way you decide. If anyone gives you grief about your decision, be a wise woman and ignore them Smile

pixielady's picture

Just being a SM means getting flack from someone who’s not happy about your decisions. I’ve decided to go the generic card route and send first Christmas photos to my side of family and friends. In-laws Can get card sans photo since the first words out of their mouths are “what about SS?” Anytime we do something for DS that they think we should do for SS.