You are here

What to do, what to do?

Cover1W's picture

So SDs are with us for a month.

Except SD11 who is off to a week long camp soonish.

DH never did plan a vacation with them after I refused to do so. He then tried, literally, blaming me. You know, because I have the ability to organize and plan ahead and he can't. I told him that no, I'm NOT planning a vacation for "everyone" on my own, period. If it's he and I alone, sure. Add the SDs, then he must, must help on every decision because nothing is blowing back onto me. I've learned. So by the end of that conversation he apologized and we moved on.

To last week, right before SDs arrived. He's not happy nothing is "planned" for the summer. Told him, hey, I spoke with both you and SD13 several times about planning - back in May/June. If neither of you did anything, that's not my issue. I have a job, I cannot plan YOUR day trips. In addition, I'm cutting back the time I had off for the "vacation" we were supposed to have (see above) and only taking a couple days to do things around home. And I stuck to it.

DH and I took the girls paddle-boarding over this weekend. We all like to do it in spite of SD13s whining about the water and "Will I get wet?!" I just turned to her and said, "You've done this several times before, who CARES if you get wet, deal with it." DH didn't say anything because he knows she was trying to get out of it. DH was also upset about how weak she is (laying around in your bed all day, literally, does not help out one's muscle strength)...in any case we all get out there and I eventually notice that SD11 does not have her ankle tether on. Note this is a BAY with CURRENT and BOATS and WAVES. I ask DH, did you know her tether is off? DH says, yes, It was bothering her so I told her she could take it off. Me: J*zees Chr$st and I paddle off by myself to cool down. I ignore until DH says he's taking SD13 back and I can stay out with SD11. So he goes off and I go to SD11, "Why is your tether off?" SD11, "It was bothering me." Me, "Let me see it in case it's broken." I look at it, "SD11, it's in better shape than the one I have with no sharp or itchy edges. What is the issue?" SD11, "It's bothering my ankle and feels weird." Me, "You know, you just have to get used to it..." Then I give her the reason for the tether and why it's necessary. She refuses to use my board and tether. She refuses to put hers on. So I tell her, "Well, we're going back then." Really, I'm not putting a kid in my care with lack of a main safety feature that's easy to use. If the rental place had seen that I'm sure they would have demanded we come in. (this is also the same kid that has had a meltdown about wearing a paper bracelet at a trampoline place and sat out because she refused to wear it just over a year ago).

Later, DH is PO'd at me and will NOT listen to why it's a safety feature. He's just mad that I even brought it up. I told him, "I guess I over-stepped and I should have kept my mouth shut then." DH says that it's that "same thing you think you have an issue with about making decisions...." Me, "It's not a 'thing' - it's a very real issue that happens on a regular basis, don't discount my experience." We get over it, but I guarantee you I'm not going out with them again let alone be 'in charge.' I know SD11 goes out with her TF on more rough water w/o that tether, but I'm not in charge there. Hey, they want to deal with it, they can. I'm done. Water safety is not important apparently.

NOW, DH has decided to take SD13 on a trip while SD11 is at camp. Fine with me. Was to be one or two nights away somewhere local-ish since DH doesn't have a lot of cash right now due to lack of work. He texts me this morning asking if I could pick up SD11 and her TF from camp so that SD13 and DH can go visit his family 1/2 way across the country. WTF? REALLY? Her camp? It's 3 hours, minimum, away. So this would be an all day thing, including food, getting up REALLY EARLY or taking a hotel for the night prior to pickup. Um, DH, that's a big ask, you know that. So he's now scrambling to find out if TF's mom can pick up and he drop them off....Aaaaaaand I see that plan may be falling through...he's currently scrambling.

Keep disengaged is my mantra...keep disengaged.

Comments

ksmom14's picture

I know nothing about paddle boarding...why is it so imperative that she keep the ankle strap on?

Is it so the paddle board doesn't float away if she falls off...or is it because she's not wearing a life vest so that's her only flotation if something goes wrong?

Also, how hard is it to fall off of those?

Cover1W's picture

Because we are in open water with tides and the wind/tide can pull you out.
Less of an issue on a lake in calmer, closed water.
Shipping lanes as well.
There's recreational boats all over the place.
The water is cold, ocean cold.

A tether keeps the board with you as a flotation device and acts as a spotter....much easier to spot a person on a board than a person in the water. It also allows you to get out of the water, even with a vest, being stuck in cold water like we have will kill you if you can't get out of it.

I've SUP'd for years and been around the water all my life, I don't take water for granted.

https://standupjournal.com/tips/why-you-need-a-sup-leash-this-will-save-...

It's pretty dang easy to fall off if you are tired or just not paying attention. You can sit down too, then it's more difficult to fall off.

ksmom14's picture

Ahh ok, that makes sense now.

I think in that situation instead of you forcing SD out, you should have addressed it with DH and told him you were not okay with her not wearing the ankle strap. That if she wasn't going to wear the ankle strap then you would not be paddle boarding with them. That would force him to push her to wear it (or not) but you'd still be in the same position of being out of the water and wouldn't be the "bad guy"

It is hard to be disengaged! Especially in the beginning, stay strong!

Cover1W's picture

Problem is, she wore it out there for about 20 minutes, decided she didn't want to, took it off in the middle of the water. So we were already out there.

After DH had me "take over" with SD11 I paddled over, discussed it with her, she refused, so we turned around, headed closer to shore, and made our way in (verrrrry slllloooooowwwwly as she was being a pill and knew why we weren't staying out).

ESMOD's picture

When he said he was taking off with SD13 I would have advise.. You need to take SD11 too unless she will put on her tether. I'm not taking responsibility for your decision to not make her wear her safety device.

Cover1W's picture

Yeah, good point.
I think mostly I was trying not to argue with him in the middle of the water.
But I did turn SD11's behind around right afterwards.

ESMOD's picture

SD11, "It's bothering my ankle and feels weird." Me, "You know, you just have to get used to it..." Then I give her the reason for the tether and why it's necessary. She refuses to use my board and tether. She refuses to put hers on. So I tell her, "Well, we're going back then." Really, I'm not putting a kid in my care with lack of a main safety feature that's easy to use. If the rental place had seen that I'm sure they would have demanded we come in. (this is also the same kid that has had a meltdown about wearing a paper bracelet at a trampoline place and sat out because she refused to wear it just over a year ago)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm wondering if she might have some sensory input issues? for some people , things like dripping faucets etc.. can be completely unmanageable. My YSD didn't like the seam on her socks..

If she constantly has these types of issues, it might be good to see if there is some therapy to help her.

Cover1W's picture

Oh ESMOD where in the world do I begin?

Yes, both she and SD13 have sensory issues, SD13 to the extreme.

But you know what? I have ZERO input in that; been there, tried, books, etc. Nope, not going to step in it because DH just gets annoyed.

ESMOD's picture

ahhh.. I feel your pain. I always thought that both my SD's could have benefited from a little counseling. but they are not of my loins and too much pointing out of their flaws would end up making me look like I was picking on them. So, I kept a lid on my opinions mostly.