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Talks are kept short with SD

stuckinthebay's picture

When BM moved with SD, CO was everything she and her husband asked for. DH had no say. So originally, talks are scheduled at 7pm SD time (wherever she is). That's 11am our time, no problem. But when SD was with us, it would be 4am for BM. So she asked if they could change the time so she didn't have to wake up so early. DH agreed cuz again..he's trying to make things work. There hasn't been a problem with rescheduling for BM if needed but they haven't been responding to DH if he requests to change the time.
As I've mentioned before, SD6 started school so DH and BM came to an agreement to make talks a half hour early so SD can have time to get settled for bed after she talks to DH. And since she's gone back home from her winter visit, she always has a reason why she needs to get off early. I mean like 5mins. She says "I can only talk for 2 mins because my mommy said if I finish my dinner I can have a cupcake" or "my mommy said that if I talk fast I'll get a quarter". There was even a time when she looked
Like she just got out of the shower and she said "I have to talk fast because I need to finish my bath" yesterday SD said she needed to go because she really needed to take a bath cuz she isn't allowed to shower and she hasn't taken a bath in three days. I totally believe this because BM didn't bathe SD when she was a baby everyday. so excuses to get off or three things: needs to eat dinner (or finish dinner), needs to shower, needs to do homework or either two of those things or all three. DH emailed BM twice about changing time back to 7pm her time (along with other topics) so that SD can have time to do all she needs to do before she talks to him. BM emailed back both times, but didn't respond about changing the time.

What annoys me about this is that BM excuse is that it's hard to have SD and a baby that's almost one years old. That's not our problem. When SD is with us, we have an alarm set as a reminder, dinner is cooked or we allow her to eat dinner while she talks and she's showered. When BM felt like SD wouldn't stay on long enough to talk to her she asked us to encourage SD to stay on long with her. did we have to do that? Fuck no. But we fucking did. And we didn't bribe her. We told her the truth. We told her that her mommy misses her like when she's gone and we miss her. I believe SD with what she says cuz this is stuff that's happened before, but now it's all the time. Actually, she stayed on long on Saturday when her stepdad wasn't there. We really think that has something to do with it.

Even with my own son. I make sure that wherever we are, he has a place to privately talk to is dad and he gets on on time. My son is older so he doesn't need encouragement or bribing.

Oh and BM said that they decided to return the iPad because it's causing problems with SD always asking for it. They decided that the laptop is working fine for now and that they just have bad internet connection. What the fuck ever...don't say yes to something when you know you have to consult to your husband with everything first


Acratopotes's picture

If BM can't accommodate then why are DH accommodating her...

DH should simply go back to original CO and never change again.

just my view on it

moeilijk's picture

The last several blogs you've written have been the same song in different keys. Your DH tries to get along, the BM doesn't, your DH and you feel taken advantage of and you miss out on time with SD.

BM (or her DH, if he's really the mastermind you guys seem to think he is) is relying on your good nature. I recently watched an analysis of someone who's been doing a lot of TV interviews lately, and one of the reasons they are so good at getting their point of view across is that they absolutely rely on the interviewer to be polite - to give her time to say her piece, to stop asking a question if she just avoids answering directly enough times, to keep inviting her on their shows, to keep giving her a chance to take over.

So stop it. Just stop.

BM asks anything, ever, if it's not already in the CO, then the answer is no. Just no. And you guys stop asking for things too.

Yes, it's too bad. But look up parallel parenting. That's for people who parent the same child, without coordinating with each other. Because that's what you're doing now, only it's causing you and DH and SD stress... and costing you guys time together when it doesn't need to.