Long time no post! Does anyone out there in Stepland ever feel guilty for bragging about bios?
Let me explain. SKIDS have an assorted box of issues from bad grades, lack of discipline, PAS, OCD, one is even on Zoloft and in therapy at 11 yo he is afraid to eat anything unless BM eats it first because he is afraid to die and wants to die with his mother. BM is BPD herself and has just started seeing a therapist and taking meds. She DOES NOT parent, Kids don't do homework she has NO control. SS's are 9 and 11 and if this continues, neither of them will end up going anywhere. OSS is already a lost cause he is going to end up in prison or a mental institution. YSS is very athletic and if stays focused has great potential unfortunately SO and I both see him slowly slipping away. SO only sees them EOWE and it's gone from full weekends to a few hours EO Saturday. It's like the umbilical cord is still attached. SS11 more so, think 40 year virgin living home with his mother. I feel for SO I know this is breaking his heart. To add salt on the wound he lives with me and mine.
Now you have my DD who is a freshman in HS, does Competition Cheer, gets good grades is popular (ss11 has NO friends) and is excelling. MY DS is a senior in HS and about to Graduate in a few weeks, he was accepted to EVERY college he applied to and is going to one of his top 3 choices. An excellent university right here the the great old state of NJ. He is receiving financial aid and a academic scholarship from said university and he works and has been saving money. The last few months have been very exciting for me and my bios. Today my son received a very small scholarship from his elementary school and an invite to speak to the 5th grade class moving up ceremony. I am beyond proud of my son. I've been a single parent for 13 of his 18 years of life and raised him on my own with no help from his sperm donor so my bragging rights may seem a bit over the top. The chips were stacked against him and me since the day his SD left but we persevered and came out on top.
So here's my guilt. I called SO and told him about the scholarship and the invite and he was happy and very proud, he's been in DS's life for 10 years now. But I hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes the sadness knowing neither of the SS's are going to grow into productive functioning adults. ( I hope I'm wrong) I even think he is jealous. Even mad at me for actually parenting my kids while BM is a terrible mother. Kids are always dressed and fed but there is so direction, discipline they really are like feral animals. I think they'd be better off being raised a pack of wolves.
So when my kids reach these accomplishments and I share them with SO I feel guilty or bad and sometimes don't want to share. But he is my partner and I should be able to share my joy and happiness with him.
Anyone else find themselves in the same situation?