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Oh well

EvilAngel's picture

Got super pissed. Went off about the rules and of course daddy sugar coated everything. He's harsh then takes it back. So passive aggressive. I had just enough wine to ask about the DNA test..could be a divorce tomorrow. I did not say it in front of the kid...


EvilAngel's picture

I called a friend and blow off some steam. Going to go see one of my girlfriends today and probably just stay with her tonight so I can get away.

hereiam's picture

I could never fully disengage if someone was disrespecting my home and my rules. I shouldn't have to live in a pig sty because Daddy won't step up and parent.

EvilAngel's picture

I wish I could but I can't when it comes to my things and her being disrespectful. I told her last night that I thought she was VERY disrespectful. DH told her the same. She doesn't understand that. She's not openly mean or anything so she doesn't get HOW she is disrespectful. Had to explain that to her.

My issue is that DH never enforces the rules and she has no skills at how long is she going to be living here? I want DH to step up and make her do the things she is supposed to do so she can learn to be an adult and get the hell out when she is 18. That's not going to happen at this point.

EvilAngel's picture

He did say something about the bathroom incident but only jokingly. What good is that doing? None at all. He tries to be her friend instead or her parent.

Willow2010's picture

Ok...I am going to try and help you here. You MUST disengage!

I have read your blogs and it really does seem like you hate this kid and it is showing more and more. You ARE doing your part in this horrible situation. Now before you go off on me, please go back and read your blogs with a fresh eye.

At one time I think you said you did not like her because she was a constant reminder that DH had a one night stand or something like that. (not sure why that would matter because you were not together. can keep the rules, but let DH enforce them. If he does not enforce them, then he should have to do the clean up after them. If she leaves dirty dishes, just go tell DH to clean them up. If she takes food to her room, go tell DH to take care of it. If she does not do her chores, tell DH to go do them.

Try to be like the friendly Aunt to your SD. Not the angry, jealous, nit picking SM. (BTDT)

EvilAngel's picture

That's my problem. He WON'T enforce them until I have just had enough. He never wants to say anything to her because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Because being made to follow rules is such a horrible thing.

Snowflake's picture

He needs to understand that you are not just picking on her because you simply don't like her (although that may secretly be the case) but that you are angry that he allows her to reside in your home like a feral stray.

I have rules and in my home for behavior and that goes for all people. You respect my things, you clean up after yourself, my common areas are to be nice and tidy, and you respect all the other people in my home. These rules are for everyone and there is no special treatment by me to anyone even if my dh thinks that the rules don't apply to his seeds that were born to another mother. They also applied to the special little seeds that were born to me.

I am all about disengaging when the situation is crazy, like when you are dealing with a high conflict bm, and when it comes to worrying about skids grades, friends, clothing etc.. But I think it is unrealistic that you can disengage when you have a total slob living in your home.

I remember once a long time ago when the skids came over and literally dumped their toy boxes and were breaking their toys apart because they were bored. I went into the room armed with a huge trash bag, looked at them sternly and told them they had ten minutes to clean up before I came back in, because anything that was on the floor was going to be thrown away. My husband tried to say something and I told him that if he was concerned about me throwing away their toys then he better get moving on picking their shit up. I am not some mean ogre who preys on defenseless kids and I am also not a maid who picks up after kids who think it is okay to dump their shit all over my home. Needless to say they picked it all up.

Is there a possibility that tf is not his? If so then I don't know why he would act all angry and butt hurt.

In my case it was obvious that one of the skids was not my Dhs.

EvilAngel's picture

I used to actually like this kid. It just recently got to this point...around the time of her 16th bday. And I honestly do not like all. Nothing is good enough for her, her dad doesn't do enough for her, she's bored all the time, etc. DH had given her everything she has ever asked for and she had never had to lift a finger for it. As far as being bored...well if she made an effort to get along with other kids her age, she might have friends and something to do. She has no desire to listen to anything she is told to do. She has no desire to get her license or a job. She wants everything handed to her while she does nothing at all for it. I was not raised that way. It's frustrating.

As far as the BM, she's not in the picture so I don't have to deal with that. If her grades are be it. I have stepped back from that but NOT my house. I just can't. I tried to let it go but I can't look at a mess all that time. I live here too. I won't tolerate disrespect of my things. Not 5 hours after we all talked about what is expected...she's breaking the rules and just doing what she wants. That's how she is and then I have to raise hell at DH to say something about it. I don't like having to bitch all the time but what else can I do? I don't understand how hard it is to follow a simple rule!

Last night we (well HE because everytime I tried to say something he would glare at me and tell me that he had it under control. needless to say that really pissed me off) talked to her AGAIN about what was expected of her. He was stern at first and then it was all "baby this" and "baby that". He ruins everything that he is trying to tell her when he caves and starts in with that. And of course he will say "We aren't trying to be mean baby, we just all need to follow the rules ok sweetie?" Then he will give her a big hug and crack a lame ass joke. WTH? Yeah good job DH....

As far as the DNA thing. No I do not think she is his. He slept with a woman that is a stripper and an escort. The woman dropped Thunderfoot off at his doorstep when she was 6 months old and said she couldn't deal with her. What would any sane person think? I don't think he had a reason to get mad and I didn't say it hatefully to him. I simply asked a question. Now I did get bitchy when he caught an attitude and say some mean things.

Willow2010's picture

He was stern at first and then it was all "baby this" and "baby that". He ruins everything that he is trying to tell her when he caves and starts in with that. And of course he will say "We aren't trying to be mean baby, we just all need to follow the rules ok sweetie?" Then he will give her a big hug and crack a lame ass joke
GAG!!! My DH was terrible about this. Makes me want to puke. You just have to turn and walk away. It is the only way to be able to ever sleep with him again. lol

Just stay on his ass about cleaning up after her. DO NOT SAY ANYTHING TO HER. Just try it for one month. You will feel so much better by not competing with his kid.

So glad my SS is in the military at the moment. lol

EvilAngel's picture

I don't say anything to her about it. I always tell him to take care of it. That never happens until I bitch and bitch and bitch. Then I always get this..."Well Evil, she's never had rules before so it's going to take some time." She is 16 NOT 5.

hereiam's picture

He just told on himself, he's never had rules for her, has never really parented her. WHY has she never had rules before? Does he think that just letting her do what she wanted has made up for her not having a mother?

He is doing her a great disservice because what is going to happen is, she will hook up and stay with any guy who will take care of her, even if he abuses her. She won't know how to be independent and on her own and she won't want to be on her own. Or she will live with your DH forever.

EvilAngel's picture

This is EXACTLY my point to him and yes he thinks letting her do nothing makes up for having a piece of shit BM.