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Ok, so last year we had planned a vacation with the kids. BM decided that SD needed some type of surgery, I think it was foot, anyways, so no skids. I was actually glad about it but DH wasn't, obviously.

We all (me, dh, DD18mo and my two) went to the beach for a week, it was great. We played on the beach, went to a few attractions and just had a laid back week, well somewhat.

So DH says last night, that he's planned a week's vacation at the beach for all of us this year. Mind you this is the first I'm hearing of it, he swears he mentioned it at christmas and I said that would be nice. I'm sure I said "that would be nice" as in we can't afford it but yes I would love to have a vacation tone.

DH is mad because I don't have a weeks worth of vacation. In order to get paid when I was out having DD, I had to ask for future sick leave, 6 weeks, takes 2 1/2 to 3 years to pay back because I only get 8 hours a month.

So during all the sick times, babysitter can't watch or her appointments for the last 2 years, I've had to use my vacation time. I only get 16 hours a month. Just in the last 2 months, the babysitter has not been able to watch our DD for 5 times because of someone in her household being sick. It sucks!

DH is so pissed. He says he's already asked for vacation time and what am I going to do, just not get paid for a week, like I did last year. Now let me explain last year. I had a few days of leave saved up, 3 1/2 days. DH and I didn't plan anytime out of town, so DH decides we will go down to the beach for a few days starting on a saturday. Well ok being back mid week, I'd have the time to cover, on the way to the beach he calls a friend and gets his house on the beach for A WEEK.

We were already there, what was I suppose to say. I didn't want a fight on vacation. so we had one when we got back and he had to pay his own mortgage for ONCE. First off I don't even know when he's asked off for, haven't told me

Secondly I dont have the time, so I can't go. I said just go without us. He said "how can I take 5 kids to the beach by myself". I said "dont, just take your two and go already". He's pissed. I told him "your kids don't want me around anyways, so why does it matter" He is all like "I wanted us to go as a family, all of us".

He said he knows his kids dont want me around, why must I say it, it pisses him off. Really?? Reality makes you mad, than you need to deal with your kids and their behavior. I wanted to tell him that but I was just too mad, I walked the dog outside to go to the bathroom.

The SDs make my life miserable on a weekend, why on hell on earth would I want to spend a week with these 2, seriously dude? I didn't say it but I wanted to, I really did. So now I have no idea what's going to happen.

I feel like DH is trying to be as controlling as ExH use to be. I told him from now I'll just ask him everytime I do anything for his "approval". That made him mad too, tough shit. I am not really going to do it but shit already.

If I get "forced" to do a "family" vacation, How am I going to cope with these 2 girls who hate me and just want their perfect family BM and DH back together for a damn week.


Wah-wah-11's picture

Hubby always wants to do everything together. He won't say it but everyone thinks his reasoning is bc he can't deal with his brats on his own. The steps don't want me around either except thy know if I'm not there their little brother won't be either. They know if I don't go in vacation daddy won't either Smile

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Do you have any freebies? At my job we get Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, etc. 4th of July is a 3 day weekend for us. Is it for you? Then maybe you and yours and DH could take a 3 day trip to beach or somewhere fun. and then he can go on hell week with his daughters. That's how I vacation. I refuse to do vacation with SD's anymore. I refuse to pay for it or pay half and I refuse to go. Vacation is supposed to be... relaxing and rejuvenating. He is missing the point of vacation entirely. Every other weekend is when we all must suffer with the "we must blend" attitude and ethos. Why do it on vacation too? Stick to your guns. You are right.


Oh I'm not going. We just got into an argument moments ago over money. He's complaining because I have been using 2 of the CC's he told me that were for me and I would be responsible for paying them. FINE. Then he goes behind my back and bitches because I paid $25 but used $50.

I understand that it won't get paid off like that but It's all I can do right now. If he'd pony up some fucking money for OUR daughter too, I wouldn't be in this situation.

I won't probably even take a weekend trip this year because I won't be able to afford the gas. DH is pissed because his company is giving him a "promotion" to salary which most likely means his won't be paid as much because there is no overtime. They are giving him a work truck so they won't have to pay him a truck stipend, which they do for others, so now we will have 2 car payments (actually he will) and won't even be driving one of them because he'll have the work truck.

DH does what's important to him at the time and disregards the future. That's pretty much what he does in our relationship too. If it wasn't for me he wouldn't even have the house. I pay 100% of it. If he paid 1/2 I'd be ok.


The house is 100% in his name. I couldn't get in on the loan because my ExH, sent our marital home, he won in the divorce into foreclosure but it still affected me and the courts did NOTHING.

I pay 100% of the mortgage though, oh sorry I pay 98%, he pays like $60 of it because when it goes up I refuse to pay more than X dollars I agreed to when he bought it. I would have to rent irregardless, so I see this as I am renting his house but he gets to live in it.

He does pay for a car I drive but that's like a quarter of what I pay on the mortgage. He pays the electric because when we moved I told him we wouldn't have any electric because I absolutely could not pay it.

So I pay 954.00 to mortgage, he pays $60. He pays $250 on the car I drive, I pay $150 in car insurance. He pays $150-200 for electric, I pay $504 in daycare. Me $1608 DH 510 (doesnt take in consideration his truck bought when we were dating for $600)

These things don't even touch the other stuff, like gas, groceries and etc. So you see it isn't fair by any stretch. I only bring home $2400, so diapers and food, just eat up the rest.

I am crying all the time and stressed. I didn't need his damn badgering about a stupid vacation we CANT AFFORD anyways.


I told him already to take his kids. Honestly I don't think he wants to have to deal with them either. If they are here, they are in the room or running around the 40 acres of property that's ours and fils.

He doesn't actively watch his KIDS at all. I take the time because I have sick leave (normally) and annual leave. He would have to take leave without getting paid. I have no problems doing it but I don't feel I should be badgered because something else is MORE IMPORTANT TO HIM.

I hadn't had a vacation for 5 years when I met him. I can do without one and will because it's financially what I HAVE to do.

Aniki's picture

HE doesn't want to have to deal with HIS kids? Tough gazongas. HE stuck HIS wank in a skank. HE helped make HIS kids. If he didn't want to have to spend time alone with HIS kids without a partner, he should have a) stayed married to BM or b) made his current wife an equal partner in what goes on in the FAMILY home in which he lives with HIS WIFE. HE can deal with them all by himself. What an asshat.

misSTEP's picture

Quit letting him take financial advantage of you. Maybe if you listed it all out on a spreadsheet, he would get his head out of his ass.

Just realize that him keeping you happy will probably be cheaper than being single and paying MORE child support.


I tried doing exactly this. He just came in and listed all his crap beside mine and said I can't do anything else.

Now he wants to go over the bills again, this weekend, a skid weekend, yeah ok, WTFE.

I am going to have to say, you pay xyz amount towards our bills or they won't get paid. It's pretty much at that stage.

I keep asking DCSE to lower my CS because the amount, my paycheck says I should make isn't what I make and to have an allowance for the child at my home I take care of, they won't do anything but send me forms to add a child to the exsisting order which isn't what I am trying to do.

Let's say that my paycheck says I should make 60K but because we get laid off because of budget cuts I have made 51K every year. That's a difference of 9K a year. So my exH gets 6,600 a year based off a 9K a year difference, they also dont consider my child at home that I have a financial responsibility to take care of as well.

So I feel I am getting financially screwed on both ends. UGH!