I dont like being a stepmom
It doesn't make me happy. It doesn't fill me with joy. I do not have some overwhelming love for my SD. I feel being a stepmom is a responsibility that comes from being with my SO. It is my job to be my SO's support staff. It feels like a job. A job I do not really want. I say support staff because he has to be the one in charge of SD things. I will support him in that. I care about SD. I am nice to her. I encourage good healthy relationships with SO and DS. But I prefer to sit on the side lines.
I could leave but I do not see that leading down a road of happiness. We all have our reasons for staying. I stay for love and for our son.
I was very naive going in. I come from an intact family. I had nothing to go on. But hey, there are a lot of step families and they all seem happy. How many of us are faking that smile? My first post on here, I was shocked at the advice. It sounded harsh. I understand now.
There is all these expectations we have. That others have of us. It sets us up to fail. I didn't expect to feel like an outsider in my own home. I didnt know that I would feel like the outsider with the inlaws. I realized that my MIL is a double agent. I didnt realize how often I would feel hurt. I didnt know that having boundaries around my life would result in me being the difficult one. But BM she is being reasonable.
Being a stepmom is a very lonely road. It is emotional tiring.
I often wonder what would happen if I started being really honest with everyone? I sometimes get tired of wearing a filter and the fake smile.