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Do judges usually question why the custodial isn't working?

msg1986's picture

Well now that Bm has responded to Dh's lawyer that she won't sign a parenting plan because she doesn't agree to taking turns claiming Ss every other year and also refusing to do her part in transportation because it's "dh's responsibility to pick up/drop off Ss if he wants to see his son", we're waiting for a court date. My question is, for those of you who have gone to court and Bm wasn't working, did the judge question why they weren't working? If so, what did Bm's say their reasons were? What did the judges say? Did any ever experience a judge who saw right thru the Bm that they were just lazy aholes?

I'm just curious of what has happened with other people and am wondering if the judge here will ask WHY isn't Bm working and what her response could really be. Ss is in 1st grade, so it's not like she's caring for a baby. She has a new car, so there isnt' issues w/ transportation...


Evil stepmonster's picture

Your lawyer should bring it up, like asking her what does she do for a living. The judge with Inbred did ask and she said she was in college. Which she did register, she got her grant money and stopped going. But the judge did tell her the only thing he dislikes more than dead beat dads are dead beat moms. But, she's broken the court order so many times and nothing is ever done to her. So really it didn't matter all that much and she gets away with everything.

msg1986's picture

That's a good point, I'll have to talk to Dh and ask him to bring this up with the attorney, i mean they probably will but just to be sure.

That really sucks that the court/judge didn't do anything with your Bm. It' so crazy because all the verbage on everything in relation to custody orders etc is always worded "in the best interest of the child" but it seems like some courts don't care. The kid has to pretty much be killed before they step in and say "oh wait, i guess we should have listened to the father..." It doesn't make sense. Both people created the child NOT just mom.

Teas83's picture

My husband told me that when he took BM to court three years ago, the judge asked her why she wasn't working and told her that she needed to get a job. It made her look pretty bad apparently. At that point my husband was granted 50/50 even though BM had moved an hour away. SD was 3 at the time.

We live in Canada though - I'm not sure what it's like anywhere else.

msg1986's picture

I'm sure Bm will pull the SAHM card so we'll see how that pans out. The county in which the case will be heard has been shaken up this past year and the judge who over saw all custody/family issues retired and was replaced with a younger woman who is a new judge, like new new, like first year as a judge. I've tried researching if she's fair but because she's so new there isn't really anything on her as of yet.

Did Bm end up getting a job?

Teas83's picture

When my husband and BM first broke up, they went to a mediator. He was pretty harsh to BM apparently. He asked her if she realized that if my husband died, she would have nothing. He told her to stop relying on CS for all of her and SD's needs and at least try to support herself. Apparently she told the mediator "I'm doing just fine." Um, okay BM.

msg1986's picture

So I'm guessing Bm didn't get a job?

Yep, Bm here is also a self proclaimed SAHM even though she and Dh were never married and Ss was an oops baby. I'm more than sure she will say she's a SAHM and also that she's disabled-I dont' know if the disabled thing could hurt her or not though?

Thankfully here in our state they impute the custodial parent at min wage once the kid turns 6.

Tuff Noogies's picture

yeah, the judge did ask that. and yes he saw straight through her bullshit answer.

she said she had a cleaning job for 400-500/m and was looking for a full time job. she also said she had an associate's.
(all of the above pure bullshit, not even one grain of truth.)

he assessed her child support and said if it was true she had a degree she should have no problem gaining employment.

Glassslipper's picture

Sorry, no experience, because in my county you are REQUIRED to get a full time job if your not disabled and can do so!
If there is 50/50 custody and placement, you are REQUIRED to have a full time job, no extra child support, or food stamps for lazy a$$es allowed in our county

msg1986's picture

That's awesome! It's always so nice to hear about places that force parents to do their part. Bm in this situation seems to think the world owes her. The state even gave her money to go to school so she's certified to be a phlebotomist but she doesn't do anything with it... I think the stipulation was that if she were on welfare she HAD to go to school for something but now she mooches off of her boyfriend and foodstamps instead.

msg1986's picture

Stuff like this gives me hope for Dh and court. I'm so glad that they set your Bm straight. I don't understand where all the entitlement comes from. :?

Disneyfan's picture

What if BM has remarried and the two of them decided having a SAHM is what works best for their family?

For the record, I believe both parents should be financially responsible for their children.

msg1986's picture

That's a tough one. I guess my question on that would be, are the kids being taken care of financially? In our case Bm hasn't held a job for more than year and to be honest I think she gets these menial jobs to have some sort of credit to file a tax return because she claims Ss every year because there isn't a CO (yet). Bm does things like asks Dh for money above Cs because she's "struggling financially" but then the following week she's asking Dh to watch Ss because she's going to some concert and when we drop Ss off she's all geared out in whatever concert garb she got from the merch tables. It's aggrivating. Bm has an attitude that Dh is forever indebted to her because of Ss.

Disneyfan's picture

Good point. In the case of a stay at home dad, would the new wife be on the hook for CS payments?

When it comes to CS, I think both parents should be required to work, even if the new husband or wife is willing to take over financially for the bio parents.

When exDF and BM went court she wad unemployeed. The ordered stated thatbhe had to pay @$95 a week. Her contribution was $5 and change a week. :jawdrop: Whenever she and I would get into an argument, I would call her a five dollar momma. }:) LOLOLOL

thinkthrice's picture

I think they should ALSO question why the custodial parent isn't working--as in WHY are ALL the skids FAILING SCHOOL? If in fact the BM is such a MOTY as she claims to be. . .

msg1986's picture

I agree thinkthrice! I think what bothers me about this the most is my parents didn't give 2 craps about my schooling or really anything that I did for that matter. I was that kid who never had anyone at my soccer games because my mom couldn't be bothered to even set foot on the field, she'd drop me off and go get something to eat. So it ticks me off that Bm does the bare min for Ss (as in, makes sure her BF wakes SS up and gets him ready for school) and thinks she's freaking MOTY. P's me off so much because it makes me think back on how little my parents cared.

Disneyfan's picture

ExSD 9had to repeat the first grade while her mother was a SOYAADM (sit on your ass all day mom).

Glassslipper's picture

My BM threatened DH to "quit her job" and make him support her, there is actually a legal term for such an action, and our lawyer said that the judge on our county won't change the support amount for it, only order her to get a full time job...

"Shirking Work" is what it is called when you quit your job for more support...