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SD's first day of PreSchool

MdMom's picture

SD's first day of PreSchool was great. I started off irritated, cause BM had told FDH that she wanted SD the morning of, to get her ready and blah. So I was a little upset about that, but got over it quickly. I was mainly upset because we talked to herthe day before and she agreed to meeting us at the Church the preschool was at, but of course things change with BM faster than I can change a dirty diaper.
So FDH and I went to SD's first day, I mainly went to get a picture of her very first day of school for the scrapbook I'm making for her. This was the very first time (other than drop offs or pickups) I've actually had to be around BM.
I stepped back to let BM and FDH do the major things with SD.
But it was really weird, BM seemed not only unintrested in SD, but with her BioSon too. DD2 and I walked next to FDH, SD started off by BM, but as we were walking towards the doorwaySD came and held my had through the parking lot, i saw BM look back at us, so I asked SD if she wanted to hold her mom's hand. She said no, and that she wanted to hold my hand. So I let her, I did try, I wasn't going to push it.
We get to the front of the church, I have SD stand in front of the doorway for her picture, I snap a picture really quick, then BM gets huffy, jumps in front of me (thank God I already got the picture, and takes a half ass picture because SD looses interest and just wants to go in for school, and get super irritated and short with SD about holding still. I didn't want to say anything to SD cause I got what I had went for. Should I have tried to help?
We walk down the steps, BMtakes tthe lead, but let's her 18mo son walk down the steps alone, leaving him and SD in the dust. Again she just seems super uninterested in her kids. I didn't want to grab her sons hand too, cause I know that she was sore about me holding SD's hand, and I had DD on my other hand.
We get to the bottom of the steps BM is waiting at the classroom door, we say hi to the teacher, and see SD off.

I go to pick SD up from preschool and formally introduce myself to her teacher as SD SM. They show us where their mailboxes are, each mailbox has the child's name and a picture, each child had to 'decorate' their name tag, and the pictures are so they can recognize which mail box is theirs. I felt bad for SD, her name tag had scribbles with pincel and no picture. I know the picture was important cause it was one of the first things FDH talked about after orientation. But BM had to 'decorate' (if that's what she calls it) it SD.

I told FDH that next Thursday (when I drop her off) if she doesn't have her picture I will be bringing one to put on her mail box (BM takes her on The days)

I guess I'm just in awe at how little BM did for SD. And at how unattached she is with her own children... It bothered me so that I brought it up with FDH when we talked about it last night. And he said that he thinks that BM just resents her kids because her BF cares more about the kids than her. And I can see it I guess, BM had SD call her before bed last night to talk to her about her first day. I was not present, just the sound of her voice puts me in a bad mood. FDH said that BM just asked yes and no questions then passed the phone to Boyfriend, who,aaccording to FDH was more warm with his questions, and gave questions that needed detailed answers. So maybe FDH is right.

I just found her actions and her coldness towards the kids very odd.


Maxwell09's picture

BM is like this. Especially with SS3 starting preschool this year. She claims responsibilities and then then she doesn't do them. In starting to think she thinks it's a game. She sits back and doesn't do anything until DH steps in and gets it done and only after the fact does she come into the picture but it's just to complain about how she wasn't included. Talk about obnoxious

MdMom's picture

I asked FDH last night why she makes such a big deal out of things, like when they handed FDH SD's name tag he said she snatched it out of his hand and said 'I'LL do it with her'.
Then she just gives her a pincel and calls it good.... I guess I'm just an over achiever. But I know that you won't get far in life byhalf assing everything.
But that could just be me.

DaizyDuke's picture

I work in the education system and it makes me very sad year after year to see the poor kids like your SD who's parents have no interest in them and can't be bothered with making school a big deal.

BS4 started full day PreK on Wednesday. I was telling DH how the teacher sent home a calendar indicating that each of the 18 kids in the class have a designated day where they get to be the class leader and they bring in a snack to share with everyone. DH asked what happens if one of the kids doesn't bring a snack? I said, I'm sure the teacher has a back up plan, as this kind of thing happens all the time. The poor kids who show up with no costume on Halloween parade day, the kids who's BMs can't be bothered to bring a simple picture in, the kids who don't come to school in a winter coat when it is 10 degrees and on and on. It is so sad and breaks my heart ESPECIALLY when it is the little, little ones.

thank goodness your SD has YOU!

MdMom's picture

The snacks are also shared in SD's class, they sent home a calendar with a name of the kid who will bring the snack, iIjust hope that SD's snack day falls on a Thursday, so that we can take care of it. And with Halloween on a Friday this year I know she will have a costume for the hHalloween party.

I just think it ridiculous and sad. BM wanted kids so bad then she gets them, and she's over having kids, like she just puts up with them. Smh... Sad

Jsmom's picture

Our BM is like this. It doesn't get any better. Sad, but SS16, knows I am there if he needs me, thankfully he is self-sufficient.

Also, I would be cautious on overstepping here. BM's, may not want to parent, but they sure don't want us to. I do it all from the sidelines and we have full custody and have for two years now. She may only see him once every 6 weeks for dinner, but she is still his mom....I am still just the lady that married his Dad.

MdMom's picture

I I know that I have to be careful not to over step... But I mean ittook SD twice as long to find the mailbox cause she was looking for her picture. After a bit she let me help her locate her mail box. I could tell it upset her that she needed to ask for help. And she brought it up when we were in the car on our way home. She asked where her picture was and I said maybe BM forgot it and will bring it later... Cause that is a possibility. That's why I'm waiting until next Thursday, to give BM a day to do it herself.

Its not like I'm going to bidazzle it up or anything, just add a picture to make SD feel less left out. FDH has talked to BM and I had him ask her if she would mind if I signed up for things for parents to do in SD's class. She said that she didn't mind, and that SD needs the support from both families. I am a very involved SM, I have read about SM being involved then something happening and they just stop. I will wait for something to happen that hinders my involvement.

FTMandSM's picture

BM hasn't called the preschool yet to enroll SD. He asked BM if she was going to do it and she said yes. I asked him about it the other day, so he called the school and nope BM hasn't done anything yet. So FDH did it. BM always says SD is her #1 priority but she's not...

MdMom's picture

BM was so pushy about puttingSD in preschool, she wanted to last year, iItold FDH she wwasn't going to be able to, cause SD was only 2 (she has a fall Bday) BM still called around... No school wold accept SD cause of her age. And now that SD is old enough she waited til the last minute to enroll her (three days before classes started)

I guess I'm just amazed at how lazy and uninvolved she is, but she makes everyone else believe she is overly involved.
I think its just a game she is playing, too bad I folded, and am just looking out for SD's best interest. Too much drama, and not a good enough pay out.

Like I told FDH, I'm not looking to 'out do' BM or step on toes or over boundaries, I'm just looking out for SD. it's not my fault that I care for SD like my DDs and DS... I guess I was just born to be a momma, to my kids and others as well.