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Sigh……I am registering Uberskank as MOTY.

Shaman29's picture

Sorry for the length.

Small back story. DH gave DH’s kid an iPod touch for her 17th birthday. It was one of the few things given to her that she actually took care of and treated like she bought it herself. She loved it. Enter in Uberskank around February, who demanded (give it to me or you can’t drive my car) DH’s kid loan her the iPod to use in her car. When DH’s kid gets it back at the end of the day, it’s destroyed. Uberskank promised to buy her a new one. She’s still waiting.

DH’s kid turns 18 at the end of September. After speaking to DH, she asked her mother instead of replacing the iPod touch that she gets an iPhone to be added to their phone plan. She explained Dad said he would pay the initial costs for the phone for my birthday and she (DH’s kid) would pay the $20-$30 a month cost. Uberskank agreed. Fast forward to this last weekend. Uberskank was supposed to call her carrier to allow DH’s kid to upgrade her phone to the iPhone, so DH to pay for the initial costs. When DH and DH’s kid get there they are told they’re not authorized to make changes. DH’s kid calls Uberskank, no answer.

A few hours later she gets a hold of her mother, who told her she changed her mind. She can’t have an iPhone and if her “father” wants to buy her one that’s his problem and he can pay for the whole thing. DH gets frustrated and said “Fine…I’ll go buy you one now. Let’s go.” Oddly enough, DH’s kid was the voice of reason and told her father it’s a $500-$600 phone and did he really want to do that? Then DH’s kid turned around and said, “I’m going to X City (where the DA’s office is that handles CS) on Monday. If they tell me I get CS directly after I turn 18, then I will get my phone plan then. I will tell Mom that I will deduct my phone from the CS and give the rest to her.”

Well okay then. She apparently went to X City on Monday and they pretty much told her what DH and I have been telling her all along.
1. CS goes directly to her from 18-21, provided she continues through her senior year in HS and College with passing grades and a certain number of credits.
2. CS will stop if she doesn’t complete the paperwork and turn it into the state. She will have a 3 month grace period between HS and the beginning of her first year in college to get her paperwork filed.
3. No, her mother cannot demand CS go directly to her. That’s not how it works.
4. No, you can go to any college in the US. You are not required to live with your mother or go to certain schools. (then the rep praised her plan to go to community college and transfer to a 4 year college)
5. Yes, her mother can contact them if she has any questions.

Yesterday, DH’s kid asked to speak to her mother. She explained how she drove to X City and met with the DA from the Division of CS because DH gave her a copy of the paperwork. Uberskank freaked. She had confiscated the letter that was sent to DH’s kid (DH and Uberskank were copied) and was pissed that DH gave DH’s kid a copy. Apparently, Uberskank believed if DH’s kid didn’t respond then CS would continue to go to Uberskank. She started screaming at DH’s kid that she and her father were ganging up on her. DH’s kid said no, Dad wanted to make sure CS continued to go to me. That’s when Uberskank said “That is MY money!” DH’s kid said “No Mom, CS is actually MY money. What I plan to do is pay for my phone with the CS and give the rest to you while I’m living here.” Uberskank started screaming at DH’s kid and told her if that is your plan, then you can go live with your father during your last year in HS. And wait until I tell your GM and the rest of the family what you’re doing to me!

How can a mother say these things to her kid?? Now, understand, I do not like or love DH’s kid……but for the love of dog I would never say anything so horrible to her. How could her mother lay it out so plainly that all DH’s kid is to her is a check? I wanted to hurl when DH told me this story. I expected it to happen this way. I’ve always known that Uberskank regarded her children as little paychecks but for her to say it so plainly to her child. WTF is wrong with this woman???

DH’s kid is okay. She and her father spoke at length and she is more resigned than anything else. And also more determined to get the hell out of that house. Doubtful she will come to live with us, since she lives 1-1.5 hours away and wants to finish HS in her town. She’s been in that system since 8th grade and it’s the longest she’s ever been in one school system since her mother moved around so much before. She does have a few friends, whose parents are aware of her situation and have invited her to live with them. DH only asked to meet with them and discuss ground rules for DH’s kid.

So holy crap. Uberskank finally showed her true colors to her eldest child. I knew it would happen, but I’m still in a state of shock and disbelief. Before you ask….in my state…..the law is CS goes to the child until the age of 21 but they must be registered, attending and passing HS or College during this time. They are considered a “minor child” during that 3 year period and if they quit or fail their classes, CS will automatically stop. Her HS and whatever college she attends are required to send her grades to the State and the parent paying CS. Even better……once she graduates and moves out…..Uberskank will also be required to pay her CS as well.


Rhyleighblue's picture

Wow. I'm sorry for your skid. But she sounds rational and won't likely repeat the mistakes that her BM has made. It's a painful lesson, but an important one for the skid to learn.

Kudos to your DH for having an important impact on that skids ability to think logically.

Shaman29's picture

She already has made a turn around from Uberskank's behavior since she got into HS.

She doesn't date. She is interested in boys but doesn't want to get involved with someone that will tie her to the community. DH was the same exact way.

She already has her exit strategy in place. She is moving in with two friends after HS, the three of them plan to go to community college and work and live together. They already have a potential place to live that will only cost them utilities.

She doesn't drink or do drugs. She has cut ties with several friends that are heavily involved with either.

She has a job, is praised for being a hard worker and has kept it for over a month. She asks for more hours and is considering getting a better one after 18 when she has more options.

She's is becoming more and more like DH.

Shaman29's picture

It's still so shocking to me. To have your own mother tell you that you're just money to her.


Shaman29's picture

What's worse.....there are two more (not DH's bios) that are 10 & 11. Sigh...........

Shaman29's picture

DH's kid has been telling us more and more how messed up her siblings are lately. Neither one of them sees their bio-dad and are always acting out.

In fact just a few months ago her siblings started screaming at her that they can't wait until she's 18 and is gone. When DH's kid told them to knock it off, Uberskank chimed in and told her "You know, it will be easier around here once you leave."

NevermoreLenore's picture

So she gets the abuse from her mother AND the mini bitch siblings. Nice. Poor kid.

bearcub25's picture

That's great for her. It's nice to hear about a skid that is mature and intelligent.

I hope she is able to accomplish everything she wants.

myspoonistoobig's picture

Ugh. How vile!

I feel sorry for your SD, at least she's finding out now instead of never!

Shaman29's picture

Me too. Despite my own feelings toward her, I did hope she would turn out well and have a good life.

What I didn't want to watch is her mother doing this to her. A day later and I'm still in shock that she told her it's all about the money.

Shaman29's picture

Hi SA - I'll try and hit all of your points. I'm trying to type quickly before the end of my day, so I'm not being intentionally snarky. But I think like Sargent Friday and I'm only giving facts and my residual feelings.

DH's kid will be 18 and a senior in HS. Her mother is the CP and for all intents and purposes, she should be living with her mother throughout her senior year. DH is the NCP and pays CS like clockwork. DH's kid is making arrangements to move out after HS, get an apt with two friends and go to community college her first two years. Additionally we live approximately 1-1.5 hours from DH's kid, so her living with us her last year is not something she wants to consider. We may be relocating to another state at the end of the year, which would also make it impossible for her to live with us her final year in HS.

Uberskank does not work. She gets a job long enough to get back on unemployment. She is also CP to two other children (10 & 11), each with their own BD. How does she pay for anything? Your guess is as good as mine, probably unemployment, state aid, food stamps and section 8 housing.

DH's kid has a job. She pays for her gas, insurance and incidentals. She was going to pay for her portion of the cell phone bill (not via CS but via her paycheck) her mother carries her on, unfortunately her mother reneged on their agreement.

We are not making assumptions about his kid receiving CS at 18. I did state in my original post, DH's kid went and spoke to the DA handling her CS case on Monday. She received her information directly from an employee from the Div of Child Support Services. Both DH and I encouraged to do this so she wouldn't have to rely on the information coming from either of her parents.

In our state, CS goes directly to the child at 18 (regardless if they have graduated from HS yet). She will continue to receive CS until she is 21, as long as she is in school (HS and then college), taking a certain # of credits and maintaining passing grades.

Regarding the cell phone argument....I did not get involved. I am not on anyone's side in that argument. How CS is spent is up to Uberskank and soon DH's kid after she is 18. If she wants to spend it on her cell phone bill and give the rest to her mother, that is her business and any living arrangements and expenses are between DH's kid and Uberskank. They are not my business. They are not DH's business.

The gist of my story has nothing to do with cell phones or rent or apple pie. The gist of my story was that Uberskank made it crystal clear to DH's kid that her only importance to her mother is the money Uberskank makes off of CS. That Uberskank hid important paperwork from the state to DH's kid with the misguided assumption she would benefit if DH's kid remained in the dark. That this STB18 year old young woman has to live the rest of her live knowing her mother doesn't really give a crap about her. Only money.

The other items you brought up really had nothing to do with my story. I know you have horrible SDs (and a very horrible MIL too!) and I completely understand why you're questioning DH's kid's motives. I disengaged so long ago, that none of those thing you brought up, really registered with me.

What continues to make me sick is a mother telling her kid she is only worth the money she receives every month on the kid's behalf. Though I've always known this is how Uberskank felt, I assumed she would hide the truth from her child and continue to play her sick little manipulation games with her children to get what she wants from them. I did not expect this flat out admission of utter selfishness from her.

This is the first time in a very long time I have pitied DH's kid. I have had no feelings for her for so long and the first one is pity and disgust towards her mother for treating her kid like crap.