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The talk!

young but wise's picture

Well we had a talk about meeting the kids as his "girlfriend." I have met them 5-10 times before. I am a bit younger than he is so he is worried about how the relationship between me and them will be. His exact words were "treat them like kids... not like childish... but like they are kids and you aren't." He has a son who is going to be 16 in two months and a daughter who is 13. I have never played this role in the lives of teenagers so I am really looking for help on this. I really want to get this relationship right with them. Anybody out there have any tips? I am also going to be coaching the daughter this fall for a school sport...

Comments

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Let them ask you questions. Be interesting? Make the responses witty and funny and lighthearted?

lovejeeps's picture

I ASK BECAUSE MY MOM REMARRIED AN OLDER MAN (OLDER BY 14YRS) PERHAPS BECAUSE SHE WAS IN HER 40'S THE AGE DIFFERENCES WAS NOT ODD....
ON THE OTHER HAND I HAVE KNOWN A COUPLE WHERE SHE WAS 20 AND HE WAS 40.... HE HAD 3 KIDS, SHE HAD NONE, AND TO BE HONEST BECAUSE HE WAS DONE HAVING KIDS AND SHE HAD NOT EVEN STARTED AND WELL SHE WANTED HER OWN - IT BECAME AN ISSUES AS WELL AS THE AGE DIFFERENCE THEY BROKE UP AFTER SOME YRS.... EITHER WAY, IT WAS ODD THAT SHE WAS CLOSER IN AGE TO ALL HIS KIDS THAN SHE WAS TO HIM..... I SOMETIMES WONDERED IF HE FELT LIKE SHE WAS ANOTHER KID?.....

young but wise's picture

I am 26 and he is 40. he has two kids and I have one. He is amazing with my daughter. Not rude at all... it plays a huge part. I know. Some people may have a problem with it but they aren't here to see us... He is still wrapping his head around the fact and when I first met him I thought he was MAYBE 35...

twoviewpoints's picture

I'm glad I'm not the only one wondering this. I thought at first I twisted posters in my head. But no. So if SO has two kids (son almost 16 and daughter 13), who is SS5?

Disneyfan's picture

Just took another look. You're right new guy and new kids.

OP, why the rush to include the kids? You were still with the other guy a few weeks ago.

Disneyfan's picture

How can kids that old not know you're dating their father? You've been together for years and have a child with the man. :?
If the 5 year old knows about the relationship, why are teens in the dark?

young but wise's picture

WOW really... some of you are so far off it isn't funny... For one... the whole MIL comment... are you saying that I am the only one on here who has EVER used MIL instead of my "bf's mom"? Sorry but i love abbreviations. I was with my bf for 5 years... at the point where what was mine was his and what was his was mine. we were "married." shared everything, did everything together, and thought of each other's families as our own. I put everything i had into our relationship and i never got anything back. I fought for us until the very end. The end for me was when he started putting bm before me and worried about her more then me. I then turned to a close friend for support. I vented to him, he listened and helped me understand things. We gradually got closer and both realized how much we cared about each other. I am not meeting his kids as a gf yet... hence the reason i said we had the talk about it. I never said i was going to go do that now. i don't even know that i would call us bf/gf yet. we have talked a lot and we are going to see where this goes. I'm sorry if u guys have a problem with me moving on so fast but i really don't think that is for you to judge. We are taking it slowly. we talk. we are going to go to dinner some time next week... we are just discussing these things ahead of time so that we both know what is expected. we want to be straight forward and honest and the only way to do so is to bring these things up and make sure we are on the same page as each other. I don't think you guys are even looking at the facts. we aren't that serious. we just started but want all the cards on the table from the start. is there something wrong with that? and yes, it is possible to find someone in 6 weeks... especially when my feelings for my ex had been deteriorating for quite some time now. so what is the real problem? the age difference? really people... who are you to judge? you start typing before you even read what i write i think. as far as multiple accounts... how do you figure? sorry if my life has made a change... sorry if i am not perfect and i fell for another guy with kids. what do you want me to say?

young but wise's picture

I only used "SO" never once did i use DH. I'm sure most of them were not there for the birth of their stepchildren either. Guess it is open for interpretation... but when people start to call names (or even infer) i think it hits a low. if they are confused, they should try asking questions before they jump down my throat. but you know... whatever... i just don't understand how these people can be so quick to judge and so quick to assume that because my life isn't "normal" or the "regular" that i am making it up, have more than one account, or am an un-wise person...