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treat all ur kids equal!!

prettyinpink's picture

I am ok with SD13 coming over..when I am not ok is when she trys to boss my kids around n even kicks them out of their rm!! She is very over protective with her stuff n yet if she wants to see something that belongs to My kids she will snatch it from them n yell "let me see it!" .. she is a VERY quiet girl (u know what they say about the shy n quiet ones) so to my DH she is an angel when really she isn't, this girl lies left n right n like I've said before she is ALL about material stuff I mean she is only 13 n has 3 DSi's, digital camera, lap top, ipad, iphone n still wants more!! Damn we don't even have that (how can we afford it we practically pay her moms mortgage.. ok atleast half) .. I don't want to dislike her but obviously its going to bother me if she is being rude n show off to my kids n DH sees nothing wrong with that.. I have told her over n over again to please cherish the time with her siblings, my kids LOVE her n when she comes over they are like her shadow n she doesn't give them the time of day.. I have told my hubby to speak to her n let her know she is not allowed to hit, yell or boss her brothers but either he did n wasn't serious enough or she just does not care.. it's getting to the point were it really bothers me..its like I've said before, she gets special treatment n she knows it n takes advantage if it..I feel like telling my husband that he better do something about it or I don't want her to come anymore he could just do his own thing with her..ugh!! What to do n how without getting into an argument with my hubby..I just want gim to b fair..

Comments

prettyinpink's picture

No I haven't ..maybe I should..but it does bother me that we need to go out of way for her, again!!

prettyinpink's picture

Right now I just need Jesus! He is the only one who can resolve this.. husband puts his daughter over me! Y should i even bother staying in the relationship?! :?

oldone's picture

Just tell her STFU when she is rude to your kids.

I will call anyone who is rude to someone in my home.

prettyinpink's picture

Well if I do that their goes my marriage! husband just told me if he had to choose his daughter over me he will choose her! Are u f-ing kidding me?! What happen to us being one n me being priority? Bs!! I'm so pissed off..the nerve of this bastard!!

prettyinpink's picture

I have told him n showed him that I'm their for him n his daughter has shown to b a spoiled bratt n he knows it so I don't understand y he would say screw our marriage I'm sticking with my 13 yr old who can careless for me now imagine when she is an adult n has no obligation in coming to see me!! Thank u for understanding.. I guess u have to b in the same shoes to understand Smile

Silvercat's picture

I feel for you Prettyinpink! Would you choose him over your kids if the situation was reversed?

prettyinpink's picture

His daughter has shown him many times she cares more for material things than she does for him! Us on the other hand have been their for him so it isn't the same with my kids..

prettyinpink's picture

Ur right about divorce its something I have been considering cause I cant take the drama anymore n about me telling her to cherish the time she spends with them its because she only sees them a few days out of the month its not like families who live together then I would understand..

prettyinpink's picture

Oh i understand that DH is the one who wants her with us.. I have suggested he spend his time with her alone n nor he or she want that..

sasha101's picture

If your dh refuses to accept his daughter's bad behaviour then I don't see any way you can solve this problem. She sounds like a typical entitled, selfish brat who is only interested in material things and what she can get from people, and unfortunately there's not a lot you can do about that. Someone else mentioned the possibility that she's jealous of your kids because they get to see her dad more often than she does, and that could be true. It's still no excuse for bullying them but maybe your dh should go out of his way to spend one to one time with her, as long as it involves them actually doing something together rather than him just spending money on her. Of course you want to protect your kids from her bullying - no kid should have to suffer that, but I'm not sure that you can expect a selfish teen to understand that she should cherish the time she has with her siblings, and saying that to an already angry and jealous teen may actually make her bullying worse. I agree that family therapy is worth a try, but unless your dh wakes up to the fact that his precious daughter has issues and is less than perfect, then divorce might be the only option to make sure you and your kids don't have to put up with this drama anymore.

prettyinpink's picture

U guys might b right about her being jealous I never thought about that because she can b nice to my kids at times.. just the other day she was saying how she would defend her brother if a girl broke his heart n her own cousin called her out saying she wouldn't defend my son because of the kind of person she is n she answered "yes I would"..which ofcourse got me thinking because one of my issues with her behavior is that she does not watch over them like normal siblings do.. I really hope this isn't the case n that my husband could just b fair its all i ask afterall they are all his kids..

prettyinpink's picture

Trust me I am not saying or wanting for her to worship my kids n b all about them.. I'm saying fairness all around if my kids do something that isnt right I do not over look it n she knows it.. maybe u don't understand what i mean, all I want is for both kids to enjoy the time together because they are not like siblings who live together n can't stand eachother because they live together, these kids dont so y not get along its all im saying.. but yeah maybe counseling wouldn't b a bad idea..something to consider..

prettyinpink's picture

U may b right, maybe I'm not handeling things the right way.. it makes sense that she may b acting up since she knows I'm constantly at her to b good with her siblings.. how do i do it then? What to say so she understands to have a good time when she comes over with her siblings n love n treat them like she does to her sibling at hm? I don't want to over whelm her I just wanna have peace when she comes..n about the cs I'll admit in the past it was WAY harder for me to accept her because of everything we had to go through I guess in my mind I blamed her but now regardless of our issues I've accepted her n do care for her idk if i love her (i guess not) n sometimes i feel as though i should especialy when my husband keeps telling me to c her as my child (but yet when its convinient she is only his child!) ..

nothinforya's picture

Is your husband the father of your children? Or is he their stepfather? I'm guessing biodad, because if he was their SF, you would be getting CS from the biodad and your financial issues would be solved, because that money would be yours to spend as you wish.

How old are the boys, and what ages?

You have issues of control from your husband. The withholding of money is one you wrote about, now the issue of SD13 who is being put into the miniwife role, where she is essentially your peer, not your child. If you are tired of being controlled, you have to change the dynamics. Clearly, he is getting what he wants from the marriage. You are not.

prettyinpink's picture

Yes he is my kids father, I only have kids with him they are much younger than his daughter n yes def. Control issues.. what to do???