My skids PASed out at ages stb 11, stb 9 and a year later YSS stb7 due to a guerilla scorched earth PAS warfare campaign on the BM and her family's side which included steering the youngest one away at a school play so he wouldn't see us attending-- thus cementing her narrative that we couldn't bother to show.  And many many other tricks, deceptions and bald face lies that your BM and all the other ones have pulled on this site.

Before they all called CPS on us and lied their behinds off with the coaching of the Girhippo, who at the time worked for CPS (conflict of interest), I used to do mental backflips seeing the back of their heads drive away up my driveway. back to the mothership.

The peaceful atmosphere came pouring in.  They stopped calling about 2 years before that and when Chef would call of course it was on speaker phone with the Girhippo listening to every word and coaching them through their monosyllabic answers.

I wish I had more encouraging words, but the PAS on the part of custodial BMs works 99.9% of the time.  Especially when the bm's new partner joins in.  In our case, StepDaddyBigBucks didn't get too involved but he did enjoy the surrogate father title quite a bit.

When a kid is misbehaving, that's when they need their parents the most.

As his stepmom I understand you stepping back. You're totally within your right to do that. He's not your kid.

But your DH is honestly acting like a wuss. His 13 year old son is acting up. Has he browsed any parenting forums or been around any parents with teens lately...or ever? Teens can be downright aholes. Kids need parents that are there for them even when they're acting like little aholes. Giving consequences or something is fine, but him distancing himself from the kid as punishment for acting like a teen, is just over the top. He's 13!

Don't understand how these parents want their kids to be 'resilient' when the parents themselves are not resilient enough to handle their own teen kid mouthing off or pulling stupid pranks without walking away.

This kid is getting older and the twice weekly scheduled calls with him are probably logistic issues on both sides.  The kid has a phone.. what I would suggest is that your DH should try to have one actual call a week.. BUT.. I think he needs to ramp up his other contact with his son a bit.. via texting... 

Not overwhelming where anyone could say it's intrusive.  But one text to his kid daily shouldn't be a huge time suck for anyone.. and keeps his dad as at least a mental presence every day.  I am talking brief text.. and that's it... whether he responds or not.  If he responds and the response merits DH responding back.. then maybe another in the same day.. but not so much that anyone (BM/GF) would see it as intrusive.

Texts along the lines of.

Morning, SS, hope you have a great day at school, DAD.

or Afternoon SS, I know it was hot there.. hope practice wasn't too hard.

Hi SS, got any great plans for the weekend?

Hey SS, saw you got an A on your science test.. that's great.. you must have really studied for that.

Basically,  microcommunications.. that his son can get and have an idea his dad's thinking about him... and yes.. I realize texts work both ways.. but dad being a steady presence.. whether the kid does a lot of responding.. it isn't any sweat of his dad.. and it might be at least some showing that his dad does care. (I know he does.. and is hurt but. you know what I mean).

To a certain extent, the old saying holds true:
“What you chase will run from you. What you run from will chase you.”

There’s wisdom in it. When you pursue something—be it love, approval, or even peace—with too much intensity, it often slips further from reach. The more desperately you grasp, the more elusive it becomes. Like trying to catch smoke with your hands, the act of chasing can create resistance, not closeness.

Sometimes, the key isn’t pursuit, but stillness. Detachment. Letting things come to you in their own time.

My DH, of all people, came across this Youtube video which really helped him.  Disclaimer, the message is common sense - the delivery might be too spiritual for some folks, but still excellent advice. IMHO, any person who alienates a child from a parent IS a personality disorder! I DO agree with Dr. Clarke, on that! 

“Stop Chasing Your Alienated Child”
—From The Narcissist Un-mommed Me Video Series by Dr. David Clarke

This is part three in a series based on my new video course, The Narcissist Unmommed Me: How to Fight Back and Win Your Kids Back. The response to this series has been overwhelming—because it's speaking diectly to the deep pain many moms and dads feel after losing their children to the influence of a narcissist.

If you're dealing with parental alienation, you already know how devastating it is. You’ve probably tried everything to reconnect with your child.

You've pleaded,

explained,

texted,

emailed.

You've chased.

And that’s the problem.

Stop Chasing. Start Winning.

The natural reaction to losing someone precious—especially your own child—is to pursue them. To chase. It feels like love, like commitment. But when it comes to a child who has been brainwashed by a narcissist, chasing does not work. In fact, it makes everything worse.

But here’s the good news: You can stop today—and start healing.

Let’s break this down into two core truths:

When You Chase a Child Who Rejects You, You Push Them Further Away.

Think about it from your child’s perspective. You’ve been alienated. The narcissist has filled their head with lies about you.

Now you’re texting them, writing long emails, sending birthday gifts.

What do they do?

They pull away even more. They roll their eyes. They get angry.
Why?

• Because in their mind, they told you to back off.
• You become the villain for not respecting their “boundaries.”
• You seem desperate. Weak. Needy.
• And worst of all? You’re handing the narcissist more ammunition.

Every call, every message, every attempt to reconnect gets twisted and handed over to the narcissist:

“Look what she sent me now. Can you believe this?”

It feeds the lie.
It fuels your child’s rage.
It strengthens the narcissist’s grip.

2. When You Stop Chasing, You Regain Your Power—And Shift the Dynamic.

Now imagine this:

You stop. You go silent. You don’t grovel. You don’t explain. You walk away with dignity.

Suddenly, the game changes.

Your child:

• Has no one to fight with.
• Begins to lose the narrative the narcissist built.
• Starts to remember the truth.

Without you reacting, there’s nothing to spin.
No dramatic texts to mock.
No desperate voicemails to ridicule.

Instead, silence.
Calm.
Strength.

Your child begins to wonder:

“Why isn’t she fighting anymore?”
“Why isn’t she begging for me back?”
“Was everything I believed about her really true?”

The toxic fog begins to lift.

What Happens Next?

The narcissist loses control. With you out of the picture, the child becomes the new target. The praise turns to criticism. The manipulation intensifies. Your child gets a front-row seat to what you endured.

And guess what?

They start to see it.

They begin to remember:

• That you weren’t abusive.
• That you did love them.
• That you were the safe parent all along.

They’ll never see that truth if you’re chasing them. But when you stop? When you truly let go?

You open the door for them to return—not out of guilt or obligation—but from truth and free will.

Let Me Be Clear:

Not chasing isn’t the same as giving up.
This is a tactical retreat, not surrender.

You're not abandoning your child.
You're fighting smarter.

My SO just decided this, that he is not going to call or text the kids daily. SD has now graduated HS and SS will be 17.  He is exhausted with it. He does all of the talking and he feels that they just entertain the call in case they need something from him. This is a tactic that BM taught them. We know this because SS has said it I. The past. He literally told SO that BM makes him talk to my SO because she can't do it alone. But I do not trust that SO will keep it up. He constantly backslides. But he has said it has been a relief not feeling like he "has to " call the kids daily. 

Kudos to your dear husband for his steady, rational mind and common-sense approach. Wishing you both peace and clarity as you move forward!

Good riddance is a viable choice when necessary to protect your own family.

I know this is hard on all of you. However, it certainly appears to be the best choice to protect all of you.  

Odds are SS is a lost cause due to his unfortunate two toxic mom's household in his nearly full time life with BM and GF.

You and DH take care of your marriage, each other, and your LOs.

even a quality parent has little chance of countering a noxious CP and salvaging a kid from the cesspool of a team of PASing partners in the CP household.

Distance was in conjuntion with a strong team of equity life partners focused on raising a COD to be a quality person in spite of the toxic side, a major advantage.

Sadly, this kid is doomed due to the balance in the other direction in CastleJJ and her DH's case. Their own children are better off with limited exposure to the degrading quality that SS-13 is sinking into due to his overexposure to the Harpy squad. It is sad, though it is far more likely than not inevitable.

The experiences of so many STalkers is far more proof than neccessary to predict the outcome for this victim of a toxic CP partnership.