Short Court Sequel
A little follow up on the upcoming court appearance.. DH has tried to get in contact with BM, who lives in a different state, to go over the court summons MIL sent with her delusional statements. BM claimed she just got it today then followed up through texts that she just doesn't want to deal with our family drama... I mean it includes her son but I guess she feels like that's not her problem. Unfortunately for BM (and us because she's useless), she has to be included as a noncustodial parent regardless of her lack of motivation. I laughed and told DH "wow so she's shocked that she has to do something that she doesn't want to as a parent"... typical BM. The entire summons is about SS. Why would you NOT want to be involved or at least concerned about the situation going on with your son? BM is sooo far removed from SS personal life and clearly has no interest in knowing anything outside of trivial things. It's funny that she's the 1st to demand to stay in the loop and talk DH up and down about "coparenting" yet acts like a court summons from toxic MIL is labeled as silly "family drama" that she doesn't have time for.
Do we have to live our life in misery for everyone else's convenience? F*** that. The majority of DHs relatives want nothing to do with the situation too. It's like they have Stockholm syndrome or don't care about anyone's well being. In a sea full of crazies, it makes you wonder if you're really the crazy one. Any sane person would say that it's emotional abuse and MIL straight up attempting to blackmail us into getting what she wants??? Which is control over DH and SS. That's okay? My mind is blown with everyone I'm surrounded by. At least my family gets it and understands why we removed her from our lives.
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I have a feeling that if it
I have a feeling that if it were me... I would be telling my mother that if she pushed for this.. and went through with it.. that she could almost guarantee that would be the last time she would be having any kind of positive relationship with any of my family and on the out chance that she was awarded "any" actual visitation.. she could be assured that that would be the only time she would see the child and that you would work tirelessly to ensure that her control was minimized in all ways possible... her number would be blocked on all the child's social media.. cell phones etc.. and any chance of her benefiting would be short lived.
I really hope it doesn't come
I really hope it doesn't come to that. I will be devastated if her hostile behavior is rewarded. Not to mention how to explain to the kids why SS is only allowed to see MIL when my our other 2 bio kiddos are not.
DH sees his lawyer tomorrow to discuss the case. Fingers crossed they believe we have a strong defense. There's hundreds of texts from MIL, unprovoked, where she threatens our family. I made a f*** you binder. Unfortunately it doesn't account for the countless phone calls and in person situations where she verbally harassed DH and I.
Wow - hard to understand why BM wouldn't want to be
Wow - hard to understand why BM wouldn't want to be helpful in this type of situation.
No - you are definitely not the crazy one. It is obvious his whold family is dysfunctional.
I'm with ESMOD, your DH needs to play hardball with his mother. He needs to be very careful about what he puts in writing, but a "come to Jesus" phone call may be in order.
We've heard that MIL
We've heard that MIL contacted BM recently about the summons. Now we feel that BM is cooperating with her to try to do some type of power play on DH. BM also loves to be delusional and attempt to control others. BM rarely sees SS, at most 5 weeks in a year. I hope the court doesn't weigh her opinion as heavily due to her lack of involvement.
That is terrible! I am so sorry - that will make things even
That is terrible! I am so sorry - that will make things even more difficult. I would hope the court would ignore BM, but we all know how they usually feel about mothers. Does your lawyer have any adviced on how you should handle things?
DH had his first meeting with
DH had his first meeting with the lawyer yesterday. The lawyer looked through everything and said that he believes DH has a strong case and anticipates to present that MIL is not within the best interest of SS regardless of the relationship she has with SS. That was based off of the evidence we have from MILs hundreds of damning texts alone.
MIL only has proof of the time spent with SS and nothing on the false claims she made about me and DH. We actually have proof that MIL has lied about a couple things in the legal document which can make her less credible. The lawyer said with the documentation we have, it will give MILs lawyer an uphill battle to go up against. It also shows that DH has given MIL many chances to change and she continued to be hostile.
DH has sole legal and physical custody. BM only has reasonable visitation and the right to recieve any documentation of SS medical care and education. I'm not sure if this is reason to dismiss her wishes vs DH. Plus this is DH's mother we're dealing with, not BM's mom. BM hasn't been around MIL in 5 years due to her moving away. How is BM to know if MIL is in SS best interest?
Time for DH to rip MIL's eyeballs out and piss on her brain.
in court.
Figuratively of course.
My DW tried to coddle the SpermGrandHag for the first short period after she left SpermLand with infant SS on her hip to attend University out of State. She had full physical and legal custody and there was no visitation schedule yet set due to SS being an infant.
When the Hag found out that my then GF was dating someone she decided to file a fraudulent custody suit in the SpermIdiot's name by forging his signature.
Even after that court hearing where full physical and legal was upheld for my by then DW, CS went up by 20%, and a long distance visitation order was hammered into existence by the idiot Potter Robed bottom 10%er of the legal profession moron using the Fisher_Price wooden toddlers hammer, DW still wanted to be nice since the Hag was SS's GM and the Spermidiot was his BioDad.
It took a couple of years of the Hag's incessant crap and the occasional tear fest call from the DipShitiot whining about missing his family and loving DW for my bride to realize that her being nice and accommodating just energized their crap. Then, she stomped on their throats and kept her foot there. Interestingly that had the unsurprising result of them crawling under their slime covered rock at the bottom of their shallow and polluted gene pool. Until, on about a 2yr cycle DW would decree that they had learned their lesson and she would take her stiletto heel off of their throats. Instantly they would jump right back to the same toxic point they were at the last time she stomped on them.
After about 3 of those 2yr cycles she learned that they were always shit and she kept their throats ripped out.
IMHO your DH needs to go scorched earth with his mommy and end her for good eliminating any presence she has in his life, your life, or your SKid's life.
The enemies at the gates have to be eliminated or they never stop assaulting the gate. Never open the gates even after you have eliminated the enemy of the moment. When someone proves themselves an enemy, do not go lightly, do not let them retain any presence in the equation. If not, invariably they crawl back out from under their slime covered rock to pollute the lives of the quality side of the equation.
Unfortunately in SParent life it is rare that there is not an enemy ready to make a try at the gates.
Take care of you. DH owes you that. He owes himself that. He owes your marriage that. He even owes SD that. Though SD in all likelihood will have to be dealt with eventually, and firmly.
IMHO of course,
BM is choosing to sit this one out. It is probably a wise choice on her part to do so. Though be ready, she will Z-out to toxic soon enough. The toxic opposition always does.
We have a feeling BM is
We have a feeling BM is plotting with MIL to back up MIL's claim to say f*** you to DH. DH asked BM to not be in contact with MIL a while back due to her hostility and it sounds like they have had several phone calls and texts since then. SS doesn't even live with BM so there's no reason for them to be in contact.
Seriously! I was met by hostility the moment I entered DH and SS lives. I can't breathe without doing something wrong. I swear there needs to be a TLC special on step parenting to expose how toxic the family can be. It's definitely a shell shock. No matter how good your intentions are, it won't ever be enough! All that animosity and questioning seeps onto step kids. Due to that and SS extreme ADHD I had to step back majorly.
Guess what? I'm a shitty person for doing it all in the past because I'm "not SS's mother" and also a bad person for having DH do most of SS parenting (as much as living with SS fulltime allows). None of this bs comes from DH. It's all BM and MIL's side of the family.
When I met my DH of ~20 years
When I met my DH of ~20 years.. his mother told him after knowing me a short time that she didn't think I was "wife material"
She also is one of those women who had been integral in my DH's kids' raising.. because BM was not always capable and my DH worked out of the area.. (living on his boat running cruises.. was not a viable option to have two kids under 10 with him). It wasn't the plan he had for work.. but it was the only plan he had.. so his mom and dad had the kids living with them for a year or so on and off. So.. yeah.. she felt like her opinion "meant" something.
I was a childless woman in her late 30's.. who didn't particularly like kids.. haha.. had a career.. had hobbies of my own.. and wasn't the typical doormat stepford wife that my MIL thinks is a woman's role.. her life is dusting and complaining about her husband.. hahaha. I might say SHE wasn't much of wife material either..lol.
Like your MIL.. mine also thinks my DH is somehow "less than".. she prefers his younger brother.. who is less sucessful and has kids with problems that my DH's kids don't have.. it's bizaar. She will literally bend over backwards for the brother.. but us? nope.. the real chopped liver.. that's us.
I kind of embrace it. For many years after we met.. we would always do a thanksgiving day fishing trip.. I called it the "avoid the family for thanksgiving annual tournament"... we would "pop in" after a day of beer and fishing.. and eat a quick plate and dash home. This past year.. we made the error of actually eating there... sober.. it was a mistake.. had a dust up with MIL... who must have a lifetime supply of pearls to clutch.
It seems her only yardstick for a woman's worth is if she "loves babies".. and kept trying to push that on me.. including trying to give me a grandma name when DH's older daughter had her first child.. I refused.. another pearl gone.
It sucks she is tying up the legal system and perverting it's use to blast through your husband's parental boundaries... at least my MIL was just a PITA.. and keeps to herself mostly esp now the girls are grown.
Oh yes. The ILs who "We don't understand what you do but we're..
proud of you." Then engage and coddle their marginally viable spawn while demonizing the only one who actually performs in life.
That is my IL clan. Though it is not quite so discernible as it sounds that your's and other's situations with ILs is.
A completely delusional superiority complex that they use to bow up over trivial cap while aggrandizing their other spawn.
DW is not the farm wife that they aggrandize and I am not the agricultural worker that is the pinnacle of the ideal man that they have been for generations on both sides of DW's core family.
Zero cognizance of the difference between careers based on professional qualifications Vs careers based on labor.
Just last night DW was finishing up her mom's taxes, her aunts taxes, and her brother's taxes and the discussions went all rant and cry over tariffs against penguins and seals. Zero cognizance that the tariffs were on countries not on uninhabited territories of countries. They suckle on the sound bites and make zero effort to learn more.
The silence that is the response to a short "If a territory has no trade with the US, there are no tariffs." comment causes a short circuiting brain fart.
Guess who is the non man waste of life in this whole equation?
Three guesses, and the first two don't count.
It is not the most subtle stance, but, I don't put up with any of the crap. DW is a little more measured with it all than I am. But only a little.
My MIL and her sister struggle with my stance on economic policy Vs the appeal of the executive in power at any given time. They lose their minds when I ask very basic probing questions rather than jumping on the rant wagon.
The aunt particularly lost it when I commented last night that "If you did not sell you lost nothing." She did not sell. So, no loss. She is financially independent and even the downward shift in her investment values is materially insignificant in relation to her resource level.
You would have thought I called her fat or something.
They like to rant and complain. They hate discussion.
Guess what I enjoy?
It looks like MIL and BM problems
MIL who is BM, BM should see SS on BM time. She has no right to go to court to see SS ontour time abd efforts. Schedual. Drop off picks up
MIL is DH's mother. So MIL is
MIL is DH's mother. So MIL is trying her best to manipulate others for her cause.. playing poor grandma when she blatantly ignores our other 2 bio kids and is extremely toxic to DH and I about SS. MIL has an unhealthy obsession with SS. DH finally put his foot down to his own mother. MIL continuously tried to break our family up. It's been 8 months since she was allowed to visit with SS. And of course she wont bother to fight for her other 2 grandchildren in court. Not that I want her claws in any of the kids.
Although BM's parents tried this crap in the past as well, they miserably failed. They didn't file the summons correctly and didn't bother to try again.
Just our family against the world it seems some days!
With "family" like her, who
With "family" like her, who needs enemies? Ugh.