SIL’s SO death
Not my story. My sister-in-law's. (first husband's sister)
SIL knew this guy in high school. Dated some. Nothing serious. Lost touch after high school.
He married young and stayed in the area. She stayed single and left the area for her job.
Fast forward 40 years. His wife dies. He decides to visit an old friend in the area SIL is currently living. They run into each other. He returns home and they begin a long distance relationship. Phone calls and he visits. SIL retires, moves back to the area, and in with him. They are together 28 years.
Never married. But stayed together through thick and thin. She was sick, he cared for her. He was sick, she cared for him. At age 92 he dies.
When I read the obituary, I feel so bad for SIL. He was "the loving husband of the late" first wife and "shared 4 wonderful years together until her passing". ..."Together with his wife he enjoyed...." "will be laid to rest next to his beloved" first wife.
SIL was mentioned as "companion of" at the very end.
I know SIL and he never married. I know he had a successful first marriage and she died. But, SIL's mention seems so cold.
I'm getting ready to go to the wake when her sister calls me. SIL will not be at the wake or the funeral. I change back into my jeans and tell my son, her godchild, not to pick me up.
SIL is 90. They lived in his home. She's going to have to move (most likely to a nursing home). I don't think his family will be visiting.
That is heartbreaking.
That is heartbreaking. It is also a good warning for those who choose not to get married to still make legal arrangements. Depending where they live, she might be able to get something from the estate with the help of an attorney.
I have no words.
I have no words.
First, my condolences to SIL, to you and the family.
Now for something that makes me go Hmmmmmmm?
A common law marriage is established during the lifetime of both partners based on their intent and conduct, and the surviving partner can then prove the marriage in court to inherit assets or receive other benefits.
SIL can likely engage a lawyer to retain her home and to keep the Klingon wolves at bay. That of course will not require the Klingons to visit her. But it could secure her home. A brief but quality marriage 7 or so decades earlier does not trump nor does it eleminate SILs nearly 30 year partnership with her mate.
If I was SIL, I would cry havoc and let slip the dogs (pit bull attorneys) of war to keep her home. She could probably do it without ever going to court herself. Let her pit bulls address it in court.
wording
The state where they lived does not recognize common law marriage. Plus, they never held themselves out as married. Plus, in this state property before marriage, the house, is separate property, even if married. No lawyer is going to take that suit.
SIL is 90. She's had and has health issues. She should not be living alone. There are a few assisted living options, but realistically, at 90, a nursing home is on the horizon.
My issue is the wording of the obituary. I told my kids that if they worded my obituary like this one, disrespected DH2 like this, I'd haunt them.
I'm sorry to hear that SIL does not have a chance to keep
her home.
However, at 90, it may be fun to plan the haunting of her partner's kids and family if... they have earned it.
She might as well have some fun with it.... on both sides of the beyond.
Step kids
Wrote the obituary. ''''' Happy Family '''''. SIL not included
So sad
But hope for the ebst for her.
A definite warning to the wise. We need to look out for ourselves and each other. Our partners wont always do this or be around.
This…
...makes me feel sick inside. My heartfelt condolences to all who have been impacted by this in a negative manner.
This is why we have a trust and have made legal arrangements
Even with all that I worry that highly manipulative and vengeful SD's will cause me problems. Anything can be litigated for all time in our state.
Sad how a significant relationship can be erased just like that.
- by grubby mitts of some strangers.
This reminded me of an ex friend, whom I parted ways for many reasons, and the following is a great example of her way approaching life that just did not align with my values.
This friend had useless, self-absorbed parents that essentially (but unofficially) dumped her onto one set of grandparents, to the point that as a teenager she was mostly going back to their place after school and sleeping, eating there for days on end.
The grandparents were kind, well-educated and morally upstanding people, which is why they may have tolerated this disruption to their retirement years.
When this friend got to early adulthood, her grandma passed away first and after a period of grief, grandpa was love struck again in his seventies, and had a few wonderful years with his girlfriend. I understand that he was very proud of his chivalry and treated this lady well. She moved in with him, and brought some of her fortune over, but I don't think they ever formalised anything, and then grandpa died.
My ex-friend was always a black hole of need and I remember her getting upset just before his passing, that grandpa wouldn't disrupt his romantic holidays for her visit - he must have had enough minding her into adulthood. After all, I think he knew he had to make most of the years he had left.
She was then telling me some story relating to his estate some years later, again with a gripe of how she was not awarded appropriately for just existing. Then I remembered grandpa's girlfriend who lived with him and asked what happened to her. My ex-friend didn't even pause at the subject, and just waved it off: "oh her? I don't know, we just moved her out".
Sad...
...but likely common. My heart hurts for those who have experienced this.