Day 6: Can't say "goodbye" nor explain myself
My Day 1 story is in my previous post. Today is Day 6.
SD10 is extremely upset that I'm moving out. She missed school and is crying a lot from what I hear. She and I are very close and her father told her and her sisters that I was moving out without me as a part of the conversation.
I wanted to reach out to all of them myself but was told not to. I have also offered to talk to her myself but I'm getting no response of yes or no - just blame that I caused all of this. I'm really worried that I won't be able to talk to her and say goodbye and that she's going to hate me forever. I am so sad at this thought. It is also frustrating that I cannot speak for myself - I don't want to go into all the gnarly details (would never do that) but I do want to hug her and tell her that I'd love to always be a part of her life, that I'd pick her up to do things now and then if she wanted that and if her parents were okay with it. She is the sweetest, caring child and suffers from anxiety and I'm so upset and worried that she's taking this so hard.
Have you experienced this? What happened? I'm asking for another lifeline from this group.
I dayed a man with 3 young
I dated a man with 3 young kids for about 3 years and, not gonna lie, after the breakup, I never spoke with them again. I thought it would be better for everyone if we made a clean break and all moved on. That's just my own experience, though. If they had reached out to me, i would have responded positively, but they didn't and that was ok.
I am very sorry for you and
I am very sorry for you and for that little girl. Based on what I've read about her father, the chance of you staying in this girl's life seems pretty slim. I hope I'm wrong. There are some instances where the step parent has kept in touch with the step kids after the relationship was over, but I don't think it's too common.
If he indulges his daughters so much, maybe he will allow it, if that's what she wants. But, he's probably worried about what you might tell her, what kind of influence you might have on her. He might think you have some ulterior motive.
I'm glad you are out of that toxic situation but it is hard, leaving those that you care about.
Unfortunately, I am on "the
Unfortunately, I am on "the clean break" bandwagon. It is very difficult but makes life much less complicated and guarantees that there will be no conflict. I'm sorry.
I'm team clean break and good riddance.
I feel for both you and the little girl but the yank and bank of her emotions of you trying to stay in her life is risky and I highy doubt a Judge or her parents would hallow it until she reaches 18. Don't make things any worse than they are for this little girl.
If you want, keep a journal for her of thinking of her, missing her, loving her. Things going on in your life. Activities you would like to do with her, restaurants you think she would like, etc.. when you reconnect. Then when she turns 18, reach out and see if the two of you can establish a relationship separate from her parent and family relationships.
Don't reach out to her until she reaches the age of majority. There isn't anything you can do for her until then. Do not feel guilty, do not let the fee fees interfere in your path forward to your best life.
IMHO of course.
Take care of you.
Thank you, this makes a lot
Thank you, this makes a lot of sense. I definitely don't want to make things worse for her.
I don't think you need to
I don't think you need to stay in her life but I do think saying goodbye and that you love her provides some closure to help everyone move on. That may be impossible if the parents don't allow it. Allowing kids to have a proper goodbye to friends, family or babysitters that are left behind helps the child be able to process and move on but I know a lot of parents just rip kids away with no goodbyes. It's sad.
OP - she participated in your
OP - she participated in your exclusion. You need to cut off contact. She has a mom and a dad - they ALL want their parents back together (Parent Trap).
Do NOT think that this SD is going to be loyal to you. If you communicate with her, nothing you say will remain private. She will share it with all of them, and at some point may accuse you of harassing her.
At the very least, she will be used by the others to find out information about you.
Whatever you felt for her, don't trust it. She will be 18 soon enough and if she wants to be in a real relationship with you, she will find you. But, I still wouldn't trust it.
THIS!
THIS!
Yes, OP, your youngest SD participated in the exclusion. And yes, 10 is old enough to know better and to know what she was doing.
And with all due respect, what exactly does, "from what I hear" mean in relation to finding out that your SD was such a wreck over your moving out that she had to stay home from school? The reason I ask is because I'm not sure I believe it. I'm wondering if that God forsaken family of cretins wanted you to think that so you'd be even more hurt that you can't say good-bye to your youngest SD. I'm wondering if the person who heard it from was twisting the knife. If so, it worked. Because here you are, even more upset that you can't say good-bye to what you're picturing as a little girl who is crying and devastated over you moving out. I'm thinking that you "heard" that your youngest SD was a wreck because that news is a power play to crank up the pain for you.
I'm sorry to say that because it sounds awful that even your little buddy didn't like you all that much. I mean, she may have, but she wouldn't have been allowed to. In the end she is one of them.
Unfortunately, you may have to grieve for the little girl you thought she was.
Part of your grieving
Unfortunately this is going to be part of the This Really Suks package. Grieve for all of this, allow yourself permission to grieve and then let go, knowing that the future holds much greatness for you, and there is always that possibility that in the future she will reach out or you two will connect.
I thought I had a wonderful relationship with SD18 Powersulk. This lasted to about 12, from age 8. I had to grieve that loss, and in a way still grieve it.
Yeah, the "This Really Sucks
Yeah, the "This Really Sucks Package" just keeps growing LOL. Thank you for replying - it helps.