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I Think I am Making Good Progress with

frustrated78's picture

Submitted by frustrated78 on Wed, 11/27/2024 - 1:50pm

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Adult Stepchildren

H regarding his daughter.

This board is GREAT!  Rather than say something snarky or so about the SD and her behavior I come here, read what others are going through.

As one poster once said, it is easy to become the scape goat because, in this case H, is't going to dwell on how dysfunctinal SD is.  It is easier to lay it on me, so I just shut up, sit back and let him stew in the situation.  The only thing I do say when she rears her head is how much she scares me.  When H questions me I say it is about things she has done to me and him.  Of course H will say that is in the past so I just remind him that it is the things she has done in the past that make me scared of her in the present.   He poo-poo's it but I know he thinks about it because a few times he asked me for specifics from the past.

Well, here it is Thanksgiving.  I certainly did not invite her over, nor did she invite us.  This even when she stopped by looking for sympathy a week or so ago.

Today she just called, wanted to know if we wanted to come down for Thanksgiving tomorrow, and if we didn't they would bring something over for us.  H let it go to the answering machine and I have to say that she didn't sound very holly jolly, but more like something she was doing and really didn't want to.  H mumbled:  "Yeah, now she calls, last minute,"  He obviously was not pleased, did not pick up the call or call back.  Sounded to me like he does with the son that is a total loser and he has as little to do with as possible.

Maybe, just maybe, any thought and hope he had of her helping us out or me out after he is gone has disappaited.

RE:  the wills.  Got more out of him, either slipped or voluntered, about what she was after.  Seems she wanted him to make her beneficiary and executor because (get this) I would probably be too upset to handle things!  That she would then take care of me.  I asked him if he really ever thought that would happen and he said I shouldn't count on her for anything.

Glad the wills are alll cleaned up and tidy so nothing like that can happen.  I will always keep my ears and eyes open regarding her being around.  She is not as smart as she likes to think, but she is cunning, she watches for opportunity.

Meanwhile HAPPY THANKSGIVING YOU GUYS.  Don't eat, drink or fight about politics with your loved ones.   H and I are going to be home alone, but that's fine with us. 

frustrated78's picture

Submitted by frustrated78 on Wed, 11/27/2024 - 1:57pm

I just want to point out where he was when she started on him about the wills, etc.  He was in the ER because he was having heart problems and was going through tests.  He was scared, as any one is in that situation, feeling very vulnerable etc.  What a perfect time for her to start on getting into his will, when he is in a vlunerable position - the ghoul.

H. was definately not thinking clearly at that time and that was what she was banking on.  Luckily it didn't work.

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Wed, 11/27/2024 - 3:31pm

I'm pretty sure all hell would have broke loose between me and the SD, asking my DH WHILE IN THE HOSPITAL to change his beneficiary and executor from YOU to HER.  If either of DHs two daughters tries something like this and I find out, they WILL hear from me.  Will be clearly told it will be a cold day in hell before either of you take MY place while I'm on this Earth. I'm perfectly capable of mourning and handling my life.  I'd also "drop" the news...any fighting of our wills has a disclaimer...better win because if you don't, you get nothing. 

I've lost my mom, a 10 year old nephew and 3 siblings in a 4 year time span and handled all the funeral arrangements and legal matters perfectly fine and still grieved. Your SD is a nasty human being.

frustrated78's picture

Submitted by frustrated78 on Wed, 11/27/2024 - 3:30pm

I didn't know it even occured as she did it when I was out of the room (of course).  DH didn't say anything to me until about 2 weeks later after I told her off because she started the same carp about my will.  That is when it hit the fan from both of us.  We had wills, but not updated, so we took care of that. 

Like you, we have the poison pill in them that if challenged, the one challenging gets nothing.  Mine (and H does not know this) specifically states that SD, her hubby or any of her brood get nothing from me, PERIOD.  She isn'tgoing to like that, but who cares, I will be dead when she has a fit about it.

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Submitted by ImperfectlyPerfect on Wed, 11/27/2024 - 2:16pm

Great progress- glad the wills are straightened out. We did the same - over the years lots of assumptions that we were going to die and probably some prayers that we will. Well...GOOD NEWS: we're super healthy, low blood pressure, great genetics and feeling FANTASTIC. :D