It has been a while. SPBOR. Some newer members may not have seen it.
An oldie but goodie in the blended marriage world. Not sure where it originated, but it is a solid foundation for a SParent's blended family life.
Step-parent Bill of Rights
1-I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times.
2-People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives or husbands, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.
3-I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.
4-I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.
5-I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.
6-I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.
7-Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
8-I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home.
9-My husband or wife and stepchildren must treat me with respect.
10-Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.
Addition
Can you add something about not going thru the stepmom's stuff, prelude to '"bottowing" a/k/a theft.
Not my list. Add what you wish.
Though I think #7 covers your concerns.
7-Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
If it is theft, that is a crime. Call the police. Take it out of the hands of a coddling BioParent and do not feel guilty about it. Their choices are not our fault and they should live the consequences of their choices.
It has been around for a very long time. I wish anyone choosing to date someone with kids, of any age, would be mandated to read it and keep a frame copy on the wall of their home next to the front door. Including in a home they share with the failed family refugee.
Hopefully, our partner is on board with the SPBOR. As any reasonsible adult should be.
IMHO of course.
Thanks Rags- a great reminder
Thanks Rags- a great reminder ! I had trouble with having some of these rules in the household early on but now they are all applied FIRMLY. Success!
Minus- SKIDs will be respectful of me...that's something that is still a problem with one of them and sometimes the other one. I've learned that I can only control myself but have disengaged and distanced.
If it would only be that easy
If people follow that set of rules. 3/4 of the people who'd not be on this board. I am as I get older, that people actually understand this but just don't follow through. They want contact with there ex's. Since they can't have happy dealing with the ex. SO would not rightfull approve. They fight with there ex.
'We should start the SP set of rules.
1. Kids come first First over the SO.
Thanks, Rags.
This should be presented to and signed by every potential partner that has kids.
I think I'll share this over on Reddit and help some of those sweet summer children.
Great idea. Reddit needs it.
Great idea. Reddit needs it. I'll look for it when it shows up on Reddit. I'm not there much, but I do comment occassionally.
It's good and I agree and
It's good and I agree and remember this list but.. no. 4 is difficult because those decisions regarding visitation or where and with whom the skids live is normally already decided and in the divorce settlement before we arrive on the scene.
As for the rest of it, I remember us having a family meeting where this was aired ( all these points) and SD then 14 was really p***ed about it, ofc told BM about it and BM was burning up DH's phone ' who does she think she is?? She has no rights regarding my kids!" (all laughable because she left her kids with DH who had main custody and saw them eowe. Even that was a challenge for her).
Thank you thank you. I'm at a
Thank you thank you. I'm at a place where I can finally understand the wisdom of all of these. 2 and 3 are so good. I had to work to build an awareness of the need for them.