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DH doesn't "believe" in summer camps

DCblended's picture

Hey everyone!

Looks like DH is likely getting work starting in April. Will see if it's actually full time...

Anyway, we got talking about summer camps for SD7, because my daughters won't be on the same schedule, and she'll be bored while I'm working (I work part time at home) etc... and DH says "I don't believe in summer camps" LOL. So I said, "When you're working, you expect me to take care of your daughter for you for several weeks?" Anyway, he later apologized for that stupid comment.

She'll be here for 4.5 weeks, and 1.5 of those weeks are overlapping with my daughters, so I was thinking of putting her in day camps for the remaining 3 weeks. She's one of those talk all the time, can't relax personalities that are actually well-suited for those camps. He also said his mom could have her over for some days. My own daughters will be travelling to my hometown across the country for a couple weeks, and I'll be off work the last couple weeks of August while they're with me so they won't be in summer camps. 

Financially, we can afford the camps. Just wondering what you guys do with the steps and your kids. Do you think it's fair that I ask for SD to be registered in camp for a few weeks when my daughters are not? Anyway, if it turns out that DH is only working part-time, I'm ok if he wants to play with her instead of the camps. I just don't want her following me and DS1 everywhere, staring at me from across the room all day along, usual things that she does.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

What would your DH do with SD if you were not there? He needs to find a solution that does not depend on you.

ESMOD's picture

These are day camps... not too different than a kid going to school or daycare... It would absolutely be a lot more FUN for her to be at camp.

However, if her father wants to plan vacation when she is there.. so he can be free to do fun things in the summer.. like you do for your own kids?  That's fine.

The only slight issue I saw is that you said he might be working part time.. you also work part time?  I'm assuming/hoping that you aren't supporting him here.. and maybe even vice versa.. and that somehow you otherwise have the means to live.. maybe your PT jobs make a 

so.. while you technically may be able to afford it.. he might not see the VALUE in paying for his kid to be elsewhere.. when "you" are available (in his eyes).. of course.. the reality is you are working.. and the other part is that I'm guessing the girl would probably love camp.. vs hanging around the house bored with you.. or her father.

MY personal solution?

If his mom truly wants to spend significant time with his daughter.. this could be split 3 ways.. for the 3 weeks.

One week Camp

One week with grandma

One week with dad taking off.. perhaps even a small trip for them (if you can go..and want to that's an option).. I'm not talking disney (unless you are FL residents..haha).. but like a monday to wednesday trip to some regional park to camp or to the beach (if you are fairly close)..   or just a few day trips planned.. so he can spend quality time with his child.

this is in no particular order... but it offers a variety of options..

maybe even the time with dad and grandma could be alternated.. like first week.. she spends time with them split. 2nd week to camp.. third week. split with him and grandma.  

I mean.. I'm a fairly reasonable person.. if there were a day or two in the mix where you had to watch her.. maybe that's not the end of the world.. but THREE WEEKS?  no.. he needs to make other plans.

Cover1W's picture

I am a huge proponent of day time summer camps. YSD loved them and took several for several years, ages 8-10.

OsD hated them because she wasn't the BEST in the art class or dance class and had problems getting along with the other kids. So with OSD DH got to entertain her. Certainly not me.

walfredo's picture

My wife works from home, and I also can work from home, but typically go into my office.  Before we moved in together, I would sometimes spend summer weeks working from home, with my kids home.

Nowadays in the summer, we have 4 kids out of school, and even if I stay home it doesn't make for a place people can work from home.  Also, now that I've done both, I don't like my kids sitting at home all day during the summer... I put them in camps most weeks, including all the summer weeks when everyone is home.  It is a bit expensive, but they enjoy them (it isn't a punishment) and it allows for normal functioning at the house.

I do think at a certain age it needs to be reevaluated, but 7 is nowhere near that age.  When SD is a teenager she may be able to entertain herself and/pr stay out of the way just fine, and not want to go to camp, and that might work fine for everyone, but that is way down the road.

ESMOD's picture

I actually think there are some good life skills and habits that going to camp instills.  I LOVED.. going to camp as a girl.. loved going to sleepaway camp.. but can understand his hesitance to give up his custody time for something that would have her gone in the evenings when he would be home.. but that doesn't seem to be what you are looking at).

1 Camps keep kids in a routine.. they have to get up.. get going in the morning.. vs sleeping in and just frittering their time away on screens.

2.  It fosters independence.. they go to a new environment.

3.  It can expose them to new experiences.. they can learn new things.

4.  It can give them confidence in their abilities.. they get a sense of accomplishment for meeting camp goals. finishing activities.. being on team events.. etc..

The benefits are really great.  as long as it's a fairly legit organization.. it should be a positive experience for most children.

JRI's picture

Back in the day, DH and I were invited to dinner with D and S  who hsd 6 kids.  D worked for DH and made good $.  Afterwards, I helped S clear the table and she began to wash the many dishes.  I said, "S, why don't you get a dishwasher?"  She said, " D doesn't believe in dishwashers"  Duh.

Sorry to go off track, DCblended, but whenever I hear somebody "doesn't believe" in something, I remember this.  Lol.

Thumper's picture

I think you mean that YOU have the money for summer camp. DH has not worked.  Who pays child support to bm, YOU?

Everything about his child is 100percent up to him...HE must find care for his child when she is there.  IF he does not believe the child would benifit from having structure, fun and socilization at summer camp then HE will have to figure out an alternitive. Do not trouble yourself with his obligations. 

Are you looking to validate what you have been thinking all along? OR do you need support to get out of this crazy marriage? OR do you believe your dh is normal and all men are just like your dh?




Rags's picture

This guy is a dumbass. Kind of like the Flat Earthers.

That said. What is he going to do with SD if she does not go to camp.  Daycare, stay at BM's, etc..Summer School.

As for maybe possibly starting work in April.... Is he doing anything to find work now?  I am awaiting an offer from two different companies and I am applying and interviewing like crazy.  I am driving as many alternative opportunities as I can until I am on board, earning, and have been there a year or more.  Never again will I rest on my laurels.  The modern employment market is so unreliable in my profession that I will have to continuously be applying and interviewing for the rest of my career..... 5 to 7 more years.  I have been here before and kept applying and interviewing for a year+ after onboarding with a new company... But..... I ran out of steam.  I can't let that happen again until I am ready to pull the career plug.

I would be all over SO to be applying and interviewing and not just waiting for a maybe on what might could possibly happen in April.


Harry's picture

They are hiring.  He can start working next week.  Also check McDonals, Burger King, Wendy's, Home Depot, Lowe's,  actually just go to a mall and check with all the stores.  There is no reason today to sit home waiting for your dream job.  When it comes you can quite your other job and take that.  
'You should be actually looking for a actuall man. Not a boy. A man will not be stirring home. Feeling sorry for himself 

ESMOD's picture

Actually.. OP might want to go to therapy to understand why she would accept such a low value partner.

He is really taking advantage

Winterglow's picture

He doesn't believe in summer camps?

"Oh, so you'll be taking her to work with you then..."

Please note that my comment was NOT a question.