Countdown (Cont. Pt. 6) In Denial Disneyland Dad
Still haven't told him.
My therapist recommended telling him to give him time to process. But to tell him we didn't have to break up.
I could see where this could ease the blow and ideally I wish I could just keep dating him until his kids turn 25 but that's 14 years (his youngest is 11) and I don't want to put my life on pause that long.
I also just decided I really don't want to have a man who has child support obligation/debt (I applaud men who take care of their responsibilities but the problem for me is this lifestyle isn't what I want). I don't want to give him false hope or string him along when we both could find more suitable partners
I meet with her today but I think I'm going to tell her my biggest worry about telling him is 1. I don't trust men during breakups (they are petty as hell - one verbally abused me for ending it, one tried to ruin my reputation with serious lies; should have sued him but didn't since his lies didn't impact me negatively, I didn't want to waste resources on him and another one had me set up to be robbed after I ended it with him...thankfully I wasn't at home but it was still traumatizing) 2. I don't want his reaction to distract me/affect my new role/job where I make most of my income.
If I knew 100 he would be amicable maybe I would but rn I don't know. So I'm preserving myself and my sanity first.
Also he has been on his BEST (well the best he can do) behavior (minus the on demand B. Beck n Call Service / loud ass zoo he runs on the weekend and his unreasonable sexual requirements). I mean not arguing or being combative with me. Cleaning up better after them once they leave. Etc.
I hate him for not being better earlier on because now that I've made the decision it's nothing he can do to change my mind
The hardest part about not telling him rn is he keeps launching into his diatribe about how sex is so important in a relationship, how he requires it MULTIPLE times a week (cringing just typing this), and how he's on the verge of stepping out (he has some mental thing against masturbation). I've had to make up multiple excuses to the point some of them are actually real. The stress is causing me to have acid reflux plus I've always had lower libido it just never bothered me because I was never in long relationships with men who had sex quotas. So I insisted I'm not doing anything sexual until I see a physician for my annual exams.
I only have a couple of hours to discreetly pack because he's been here all day clinging now that he has a new schedule. The movers are gonna hate me bc they're gonna have to help box this stuff up too ugh!!!