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Crazy Making

Rags's picture

How many SParents have SOs that do this in relation to convincing the SP to accept baggage, poor parenting, and lack of partnership?  There are many variants. Some definitions and characteristics are below.

It appears to me that far more than a few SPs suffer this with their supposed partner.


Noun. crazymaking  A form of psychological attack on somebody by offering contradictory alternatives and criticizing the person for choosing either.

One of the most insidious and damaging of the behaviors of the emotional abuser is the “crazy”-making behavior. Not only does the emotional abuser often accuse the victim of literally being “crazy” or gaslight to try to trick the abused into thinking they must be “crazy,” but the abuser actually uses what we call “crazy”-making behaviors, which have the same effect.

What is a “crazy”-making behavior? It is behavior that is made to sound very logical and practical, but which actually makes no sense and/or serves to give options that only punish the abused.

Blaming others and making excuses

Diminishing the contributions of others

Spreading inuendo and rumor

Exaggerating the importance of the target’s contribution

Demanding respect because of positional power or service longevity

Being impatient or frequently short-tempered

Talking down to others. Acting entitled to specific treatment or privileges

Justifying their poor treatment of others

Complaining about lack of opportunity

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Happens a lot to the people who post here. How many times do we get people asking "Is it wrong for me to feel x?" Or, "How should I feel about .....?" By the time people get to this site they are often questioning who they are as a person. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

It's not just SPs. This is my psycho exh. TBH, I think "crazy makers" have no limit to what they'll do to get what they want. 

AlmostGone834's picture

I think the worst thing my husband does is he can be "manipulative" sometimes. He tries to get me to see the world (ie. Little Idiot)  the way he wants me to see it. It doesn't work out too well for him.

CLove's picture

My girlfriend has a relatively new relationship, they moved in quickly together and now she is calling me crying all the time. Every other weekend...or even more frequently.

I texted her the crazy making from here. Shes very easily led, has been lonely, is suseptible. I know I cannot fix her and fix this, I just listen to her cry. Its really bad because she will drink and then he will scream at her or try to accuse her of being possessed by demons...threaten to kick her out. Shes being broken down through the crazy-making treatment.

Rags's picture

The sister of a good friend of ours was a victim of "crazy making".

She married a prior breeder who lost his first failed marriage kids in the divorce.  A friend of the sisters then new DH told him to make her crazy so he would get the kids if they divorced. He perpetrated a decades long crazy making campaign against our friend'sister.

They did divorce, she lost the kids, and he PASd the kids against their mom.  She ended up institutionalized a number of times and ultimately took her own life.

Our friend is trying to maintain contact with her nieces and nephews from that sister's former marriage.  The older kids are adults and are engaging with our friend and that side of their family.  It isn't a pretty story from the kid's perspective.

I have no idea if "crazy making" is more prevalent in second/subesquent marriages. Though it does seem that it is not a rare thing by any means.

CLove's picture

This guys sisters even said hes abusive. He claims to have abused her dog. He gives her a ring and then threatens her.

She has been married before with children that dont live with her. Shes not very responsible and wants a man that will take control and take care of her.

Shes in her 50's. Its just a mess. He doesnt have kids. But has been married before.

So, I think its maybe more prevalent in older folks, whove come from abusive childhoods.