You are here

...He's not a baby anymore- SS is a grown mid-20s married man.

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

…He’s not a baby anymore- SS is a grown mid-20s married man.


So, here we sit with this once beautiful vintage vehicle in our backyard for the past 9 years. Each morning I wake up and see that it is rotting away, left abandoned. It was in full working order and we paid for half of this fancy vehicle for adult SS whom has had a very cushy life since I have been in the picture (we on the other hand have NOT and have sacrificed quite a bit to give him a better situation than ourselves- vintage vehicle at 16? No problem! School trip to Europe? OF COURSE, etc.) Now we’re moving. And every year I ask what’s the plan? And every year there is no plan from SS and my DH defends him as if he was a small child. WHEN SS was a younger kid I was much more lenient with this kind of stuff but now he’s not 16 or 17 anymore and he’s married. TIME TO COME UP WITH A PLAN. So, I told DH- it’s time, talk to him and figure this one out. So, DH lightly brings up the topic to SS who immediately falls into victim-mode feeling slighted by the suggestion of having to take care of his things as an adult. Couple weeks go by and I bring it back to DH – it’s TIME. We are flippin’ moving OUT of the house and we have NO where to store or take this vehicle. DH gets defensive, “All in due time. Poor guy. He’s down on his luck and this is just going to be another stress for the poor boy.” I get quiet and angry inside. DH comes back after 20 minutes and says, “I am sorry I barked at you.” I tell him, you didn’t actually yell at me BUT you continue to put this adult male in a child-like position where he is some sort of “victim” and I am the aggressor. He needs to be responsible for these things especially gifts that I unfortunately contributed to financially to. I told DH, “You enable this baby behavior by an adult 2x the size of me and protect him from being responsible for his own terrible decision making. The responsible and reasonable thing to do at this point is for you two to step up and get this vehicle OUT of the backyard.” At first it made me feel like I was being a real bully asking for my adult SS to be responsible/accountable for his own vehicle that lays rotting in our backyard for over a decade and then my father-in-law stepped in and said, “Yes. Do this- DW has been way too patient. Figure this stuff out now.”


Love advice on next steps or your stories over indulgenct SKIDs who turn into adults and cause problems for you because they are not accountable or responsible for their things, etc.  

ESMOD's picture

Who's name is the vehicle in?  If you are moving.. it obviously can't stay.  If his son has no capacity to store it.. either on his own property.. or in a storage facility.. then it will have to be sold.  simpler if it's in your DH's name.. obv. 

I think you can tell your DH that while you sympathize with his son's predicament.. and the fact that he may not have the means to deal with the car.. that the reality is that you and he don't have an unlimited amount of time or resources to deal with it either.  If he doesn't want his son burdened? he needs to figure out the plan.. and tell you what that plan is by X date (2-3 days?).. 

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

It's in his name and YES i like that plan - couple days to figure this out boys! I agree if adult man SS can't figure this out then it's up to DH. Thanks for this ESMOD. <3 

CLove's picture

Id be hardline on this. You are moving. You contributed to cushy life. You are at the end of the line here.

My story of coddled and catered to skids - too many to list!

SD24 Feral Forger, she was catered and coddled for so many years, and I started resenting it. Shes stolen and accused family and us of "abusing her emotionally". Shes the perpetual victim. Shes always "sick" - mentally and now lupus imaginaria, so she gets all the sympathy. Husband has moved her back to hometown from 6 hour round trip location twice now (she still doesnt have a license, no driving) and cleaned up 6 bags of trash and had to pay her last month rent. 

But thats his daughter. She gets all the help and sympathy.

She had the nerve to call me last December, demanding to speak with her father (who wasnt picking up) and when I refused and asked what it was regarding, told me she needed her old room back for a month.

I then asked her "you called me terrible names, made false accusations, have always treated me badly, and now you want to live with me - I dont see how that would doesnt really work". Her response was "well its my fatheres house and Im his child".

Oh hahah well "no your father and I both bought it from my parents, both of our names are on it and we pay everything equally"

The entitled brat hung up on me.

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

WOW CLove...she HUNG UP on you- wow. Just wow. called her on her crap and she couldn't handle reality. Sorry, but she can't treat a human being that way and expect that human being with feelings, emotions, etc is going to want to stick their neck out and help after all that. As for her being a perpetual victim - I know this act too well. My situation he acts as if he was abandoned and given nothing - QUITE THE OPPOSITE. Everyone buys the act - I've given up pointing out that it's been a very cushy growing up and now he's just expected as a married adult to carry his own weight and not ask us to do it for him. This very normal independce step for a young adult was met with a lot of heartburn even after warning him many many times that once you get married you're responsible for your bills, housing, your spouse, all of it and daddee and stepmom don't pay those things anymore. 

CLove's picture

She treates/treated everyone like total dirt, and gets away with it.

But perpetual victim "shes sick! (pick one...)

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Wild. Yeah one SKID for me is just poor him, life is so hard, we never gave him anything, he's just down on his luck permenantly. Funny to think about ALL the advantages he has had and yet all he sees is that he's at a disadvantage and he believes it wholeheartedly. It's gotten very old and I just have no stomach for it all. 

Rags's picture

Post the date on the refridgerator. If they do not have it gone by then, have it taken to a salvage yard as an abandoned vehicle.

End of issue.

And... teaches DH and his failed progeny a natural lesson.

Don't discuss, don't fight about it.  Tell DH and then .... pour yourself a nice glass of wine as the tow truck drives away with teh junker.

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Not a bad idea, except the car is worth some dough still even in a destroyed condition. Best case is we all win on this deal- we get paid back and he gets a bit of cash too. My feeling is he's too selfish to understand that concept but that would be the fair route. Thanks Rags. 

Rags's picture

Sell it.  Keep what you want, donate SS's share to a charity of your choice, and give him the tax receipt for the donation.  Congratulate him on his caring focus on helping those in need.


I get the classic value thing. I have had them myself.  However, I cared for the classics more than to let them rot in the yard for a decade. When I was in a place I could not care for or store them correctly, could not affort more cars than 2, I sold them to people who truly wanted them and would care for them.  

I had one that is truly the one that got away. My HS graduation gift from my parents.  A 1965 Falcon Sprint. HO 289, 4 speed manual (Hurst Shifter), factory air, power steering, 2dr hardtop, Fiesta Red (exterior) on Red (interior) on White (headliner).

I saw it at a show about 7yrs after I sold it.  I asked the owner (the guy I sold it to) what he wanted. He gave me a number. I wrote him a check.  He backed out.  I still keep track of it and if I get the chance, I will buy it. Then, I send it to Kendigit Customs and have it done up to the hilt.

Knock on wood I get that chance.

IMHO, the car is far more important than SS.  Give it a chance at a new "life".

Let SS deal with his fee fees on it.   He is past the age where the parental catering to his fee fees BandAid needs to be ripped off.



Cover1W's picture

Oh Rags, a Falcon Sprint! I had the opportunity to buy one years ago and regret not doing so to this day!!!

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

You know make me think about how someone SHOULD appreciate this incredible piece of history/car and how neglectful and abandoned it has and remains. Yeah...he should sit with his fee fees and I should get my money back. 100%. I hope you get your dream car back someday- it's folks like you who appreciate it that I'd love to see have their dreams come true. It's folks like my stepson whom don't appreciate things and get them without having to really work for it that should not have been gifted it from the beginning. I am 100% down for selling it. 

Survivingstephell's picture

Dave Ramsay called money lost on foolish moves "stupid tax".  I'd say there's a lot of stupid tax coming their way.  I also grew up around the classic/antique car hobby.  Put it on Craig's list.  Someone will buy it and haul it away.  

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

100% a stupid tax - first thing I've learned is DON'T repeat this error and second lesson is yes, recoup da money. Thanks survivingstephell ! What's up is down and what's down is up in Skidville. <3