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Feeling unsupported by DH and SD sick again!!

floralsm's picture

Didn't have a great weekend. SD9 was eerily quiet and I realised it's because she was sick... again! Last time she came over DS was just born and she ended up being sick so DH dropped her back to BMs. She had this cough which came out every now and then but other than that she appeared fine. 2 days later DD3 developed a cough and as soon as SD realised that she openly coughed more. I know SD can't help it but it's just annoying. 

That day I bought a bunch of oranges and fruit and welcomed the skids to eat up and DD3, but especially SD. She loves fruit so i let her eat as much as she liked hoping that will boost her immunity. For dinner DH made salad/ vege bowls and I took SD's by accident as I thought DH made everyone's the same this entire time! Found out he doesn't as SD was picking through hers and pulling out the tomatoes. DH ignored it and SS complained the mess she was making. I didn't comment. 

Last night DH made dinner (I assisted as I baby wear bubs now) and he asked her if she wanted avocado. She came over and said just one bit. Then asked for no tomato, no capsicum and no carrot. I was at the sink and realised she listed everything that DH cut up and said 'So no vegetables'. 

Seriously everyone in the house knows she doesn't like vegetables and it it was her way we would be eating Maccas nuggets, snitzels, pizza or kievs for dinner every night. DH told me I was out of line saying that to her but I shrugged and said I just stated the obvious. She needs to eat veggies and not processed foods as her immune system is terrible. She is constantly sick, goes to school part time over at BMs because she's 'sick' and BM doesn't care and it's annoying as she infects us (DD3) and with a newborn in the house it's not ideal. 

DH is starting to get offended how I am parenting DD3 and feels like my comments to him are passive aggressive when it comes to the skids. But I am damned if I tell them what to do (you are being mean the way you speak to them) and damned if I don't tell them anything (DD3 throws a royal tantrum as I've told her to do something and they don't do it) and so now I ask DH in I thought a nice and casual way but nope it must offend him. So tf with the lot of them basically and I'll start explaining to DD that her siblings have different rules. That will go down well with DH!

We normally have a great marriage where he stands by me and supports me a lot but I feel lately he's not anymore and leaning on more Disney dad toward SD as he wants her to be happy here (obviously worried she doesn't want to be here - but newsflash! She's already PAS'd thanks to the HCBM he refuses to communicate anything with and she just acts all quiet and polite until she is back home with mumma and her processed diet and 24/7 free range time on electronics (hence part time school). 

I get upset how firm he is with DD3. I know she can be sassy and tantrum filled but she is only 3! I've never heard him yell at SD as she is so eerie quiet and waits for the reaction of other people and they get the scalding (HCBM all over!) 

He got annoyed at me today because he wanted to take the skids to the beach with DD3. I just said well DD3 is sick. She can't go in the water and be wet and cold.. she has a croup cough. He said oh well she won't go in then. Excuse me? So you, SS and SD go off frolicking and snorkeling in the water while I deal with a crying and upset 3 year old not understanding why she can't go in the water while juggling a 4 week old baby because guess what I can't go in the water either! He got annoyed at me (again!) and said fine I'll only take them (skids) as I promised them I would. Yeah no worries leave me home alone doing housework again. I do that every day! I'm lucky if I squeeze in a shower these days. Yesterday he left me on my own as he went out and about with the skids. Plus SD is also sick!! She has been coughing just as much as DD3 but yeah get her in the freezing ocean no worries. 

Sorry I have been running on 3 hour broken sleep due to feeds, and looking after DD3 who is now congested and sick and praying my baby doesn't get sick. Oh the other thing that annoyed me! 

SS is starting up cricket this season now footy has finished. Hooray. BM is on board he says. Cool. Then DH says he will need to get him cricket gear for him, new bat, ect. Fine. Then he said 'oh his training is on Wednesdays so we have to change DD's swimming lessons'. Tf we are! I told him well the only time is mondays half an hour earlier and so that might work if SS goes back to BMs so you can get here on time to take her. Otherwise we leave the lesson where she is just settled into and I take her one week and you take her the second. Share the load. 

Dh thankfully agreed but SS pouted as DH won't be there at his training every week as he is sharing the load with DD3. I said to SS 'You know Uncle S? He only takes your cousin to training or sometimes Aunty does on her own as they juggle work and the other two kids. It's pretty common for only one parent to take their kids to sports sometimes'. He nodded and ignored me. Well it's true! Sometimes I only take DD3 to her swimming as DH can't get there in time. 

Sorry for my long post! I am just feeling unsupported by my DH these days and I do a lot to support him and this is supposed to be an exciting time for us with the new baby but all I want to do is pack both my babies in the car and take them to my parents for the week when the skids are here.



Yesterdays's picture

Omg he literally thought it was too harsh that you pointed out she chose no vegetables. Geesh. I would I have pointed out that the problem is not that you pointed it out... The problem is that she doesn't eat vegetables. 

Your SD acts the same as mine did at the age. The "special" meals and the entitlement. Wanting to eat only junk, and no veggies. My husband would cater to my SD as well. It made me mad because my bio kids ate what was made and didn't get catered to.

Thing is... When your kids are older they'll notice and start to want that special treatment. This whole special treatment idea doesn't work with multiple kids. It starts to get ridiculous. You start to feel like a short order cook. Nope.

floralsm's picture

Omg I know I'm walking around egg shells these days! Any comment that appears negative about SD he thinks I'm being a complete b*tch. He went and bought her brand new shoes for school, and she comes over in some random second hand shoes and he tells her to wear the good ones he bought. Then this week she turns up in her brand new Nike airs her uncle bought her with the new ones he bought in her bag. She then didn't wear them all week and BM asked her to wear her Nikes back. I said to DH so she probably won't wear the ones you bought her now as she likes her Nikes and he got mad at me again and said 'why do you need to say that?'. It's true! BM hates anything DH buys SD it's always a competition and now the $100 shoes he bought her are forgetten at our house. I might wear them as we are near the same size! I'll probably offend DH if I do though. 

Rags's picture

or they eat them separately after they pick it out... but they eat it. They sit there until it is eaten. Hours or days, makes no difference.

Picky eater kids do not get catered to.

There were a few things that made me gag when I was a kid. Zuccini was the one that comes to mind.  I learned to cut it into very small bites and eat it in a fork full of whatever else was for a meal.  I could do that. But to eat a bite alone... made me gag. I could not help it.

They wear the clothes they are provided.  I get the challenges of clothes with a visitation schedule. Though in our case it was the scum on the toxic side that stole SS's quality clothing that we provided.  He would leave for SpermLand visitation those clothes, and with those clothes packed for trhe 1-5wk visitation (depending on time of year) and come home in flea market/thrift store/WalMart clothing.  His good stuff... would frequently not make it home.  Then his clothes would show up in SpermClan family photos or Spermidiot Spawn #2, #3, and #4 school pics. So, we started having our lawyer send them the bill for replacement and threatening them with court.   After they cried about it a few times, they stopped stealing SS's stuff. Mailny because we made sure SS knew to check his bags before he returned home to confirm his belongings were packed.  SpermGrandHag did not like SS telling her that all of his stuff had to go home with him.

Kids need to not be tolerated to keep their head up their own asses. Learn to do what they are told, and learn that rude gets misery. Zero exceptions.  Start only letting her wear the shoes DH provided when she returns to BMs.  See how BM likes that.

Your DH needs the same lessons. Maybe... whack him the back of the head with one of the new shoes he just bought that SD won't wear.  (Joking of course).


floralsm's picture

Yes we have the same issue. Buy them good quality clothes and come back in rags from her house. It's so annoying. The only reason she got those Nikes is because BM brother bought them. I wash BMs rags and make them wear them back. DH pays her $500 a month and the kids see none of it 

Rags's picture

Extort money from the X with little to none of it going to support the kids.  Then the CP cries and whines about needing more, not getting a break, etc...

The NCP, needs to make damned sure they are getting bang for the CS buck that they pay to the CP for the care, housing, feeding, etc... of their children.

NO!  followed by "That is what I pay you for." Is one key way to give the CP that message. Every time they ask for more, or help with schlepping kids around on the CP's time, money for clothes, sports equipment, sports teams fees,  musical instrumets, lessons, dance classes, summer camp, etc.....  All covered by the NCP's CS obligation unless otherwise stipulated in the CO.  Which is the message we got from the Judge when we went after the SpermClan for half of the cost of band instruments for SS.  

IMHO and experience of course.


Winterglow's picture

I heard the other day that the US has a national shortage of laxatives. With kids like your SD, it's hardly surprising. Does your husband realise that soon her body won't function properly without meds?

floralsm's picture

Well I have been telling him for years she needs a GP check up! But neither him or BM have done it so I'm done and can only entice her to eat fruit. I hate to think what her body will be like as she gets older

Rags's picture

Skid worshipping daddy/DH.

We never had this challenge as SS-31 was an only child in our marriage.  He is the eldest of 4 Spermidiot spawned half sibs by 3 different babby mamas and the only one of the three not raised by that shit filled shallow and polluted gene pool.   SS's polite calm demeanor and far different real life made him the black sheep when he was in SpermLand on visitation.

It will be a long haul for you and your DKs but in the end I am completely confident that your intelligent measured parenting of your own children will make them far better people and ultimately much higher quality adults than your Skids will be.

Our son (he asked me to adopt him when he was 22yo) is a man of character.  His three younger half sibs include a dole queen, a prison inmate, and the youngest is not far behind the convict.

Hang in there mom. You will succeed, and so will your children. Even if your DH is not as additive to that process as he should be and regardless of how poorly your SKids turn out... in comparrison to your kids.

What kind if failed adult, failed man, failed husband, and failed father drags a sick toddler, his post partum wife, and an infant to the beach when the little ones are sick so he can cater to his whiney failed family spawn?


Stay your course.  And... make damned sure your DH delivers on being YOUR partner. Do not pick up his crap. Make him clean half of the house, provide half of the parenting for your children, and... keeps his failed family spawn in their place.


floralsm's picture

Thanks Rags that's what I keep telling myself. DD will get older and realise how failed and messed up her sister will turn out to be. At the moment she adores her which im finding so annoying as sad as that sounds. I make sure though any stupid behaviour is stomped out though and DH gets annoyed and sticks up for the skids 'they can wrestle they are kids'. Yeah no not my DD3. She can learn to not be stupid on the couch and actually sit on it and have respect. 

Lillywy00's picture

Agreed. Your husbands main focus should be supporting his wife (who just birthed his kid)/the newborn and the other kids can be supported as well but do y'all have some friends or grandparents or family that can help out on the weekends?

Not sure what he was on that day he had the gall to leave you and the newborn while he frolicked on the beach with those skids but you might want to reiterate that you didn't get married just to be a married single mom. 

A lot of these Disneyland dads are so racked with guilt that they laser focus on the skids imaginary "suffering" then overcompensate for said "suffering" by being at the beck n call of the skids .... which comes at the detriment of the adult relationship/marriage. 

floralsm's picture

Yes we have both our parents that can take the skids and DD3 if we need. As in his parents can take all 3 and my parents can take DD3. I EBF my one month old so at the moment he's on my breast every few hours hence why I get annoyed when he plans these ridiculous 'outings'. 
Well he chickened out last minute and didn't go.. but was grumpy the whole day because of it which made me think well I would rather you out of the house then home and annoyed at me. 
I plan to talk to him tonight without the skids around finally (thank god they left today back to BMs) and can hopefully get him to see my point of view with this over compensating he's doing and how damned I feel with anything I do. 

Rags's picture

Next time he shoves his head up his own ass with one of these Skid catering DisneyDad ideas, hand him the baby and tell him  that you are now identifying as a DisneyDad and to make sure the baby gets breast fed every 2-3 hours, then head out for a few hours for yourself.  While wearing an evil smirk at how badly DH will crash and burn with that situation.

Then walk in the door about 30-60mins after the little one's expected feeding time and just stand there giving DH the "you are an idiot" stare then ask him how his few hours have been.  

As much as many in our woke society may believe that they are what they identify as..... breast feeding is the great clarification fact on how woke is not.... woke.   See if that experience wokes DH up to reality and rattles his DisneyDad cage a bit.

Have fun!!!!


Rumplestiltskin's picture

Wait, are you saying that both parents sit there through every skid sports practice? If so, that's insane. The weird shite that passes for "parenting" in these divorce situations is ridiculous. SD's diet is terrible, sick all the time, can't attend school full-time. But neither of them misses a practice? Bizarre. 

floralsm's picture

Yes! It's absurd how BM prioritises SS footy/sports more than school. DH just likes getting around his son and his sports but he agrees if it's BMs week he doesn't need to attend which SS is a bit miffed about but he thinks the sun shines out his bum.

Kloewent's picture

Good lord, I could barely force myself to go to the games, let alone practice! The only reason I would stay for practice is if it was easier than going home. It is starting up again with the grands and I am making it a practice that I show up to one or two games towards the end of the season, that's it. Their grandpa goes to every one he can as my delegate!