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Op Ed to PAS

thinkthrice's picture

Slate..LOL But here is a good nugget of info, especially for those of us who are in the home stretch.   Although the article needs to mention that some states go to age 21 and some countries beyond that!



Rags's picture

prostitution on a payment/installment plan.  Pay the BM, no accountability for them to actually use it for the kids.

Even as the mate of the CP, in our blended family life, what the NCPs are put through is blatant and clear. Particularly when they dipped it in one of these CPs.

End it. Period. Dot.  No more engaging after the CO expires. Kids, earn interface with behavior. Don't chase them, don't worship them.  Hold them accountable for interfacing as adults.  Yes, if they keep drinking the CP Kool-Aid, it will hurt. The point is, make it hurt as infrequently as possible.

Great article, direct, blunt, to the point, and clear.

Thanks for sharing.

Lillywy00's picture

"Prostitution payment plan" .... cracks me up every time!

 Wonder what all the payment plan Johns think of their involvement in the oldest profession in the books....


Cover1W's picture

They missed that college costs are now often in the CO for dad's, no matter what. But otherwise excellent.

AlmostGone834's picture

I love the vibe of this article. Could it be written by someone who frequents steptalk? 

I can't imagine having BPD BM (thankfully the Slunk Ape isn't). One of DH's exes is a BPD and she will not leave him alone (and they don't share any kids or joint responsibilities!). We've had to completely block this nut job from our lives but she's still trying to insert herself. I can't imagine having to deal with her as a BM.

This article should be required reading for every single man BEFORE marriage. Maybe they will think twice.


CLove's picture

I get there is a lot of truth in the article, but its also a little bit of what I call sour humor.

Sadly the truth is what we all have experienced.

Pathological entitlement. Control the kids to control your wallet. BLOCK the BM. Enjoyed this immensely.

CastleJJ's picture

Our BM displays most of these characteristics. Only 7 years left and we are financially and legally rid of BM - June 30, 2030. We cannot wait. We have already decided that after that date, we are celebrating the end of this stephell chapter by taking a luxurious cruise. 

DH said he is just going to block BM and let her freak out over the "no contact" approach. DH bets money that she will try sending mail to our house when she cannot reach him via phone or email. 

grannyd's picture

Hey, Castle,

Your comment, ‘We have already decided that after that date, we are celebrating the end of this stephell chapter by taking a luxurious cruise’. 

made me smile. When my DH’s children finally aged out of child support (although he willingly continued to pay some of their university expenses), we began our many decades of travel. In fact, we’re now re-visiting some of the places that we enjoyed the most. DH had been paying hefty support so it felt like we were rolling in dough!

Best of all, ‘The Screamer’ was obliged to take on full-time work whereas my doting husband insisted that I stay home and do exactly what I wanted, mainly because he loved coming home to a clean house, a home-cooked meal and a smiling wife. Despite decent success in the work force, I discovered that domestic undertakings suited me just fine. I reacquainted myself with hobbies that I loved; sewing, cooking, volunteer work and sleeping in!

Oh, how ‘The Screamer’ raged and complained about that ‘lazy bitch Stepmother’! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ROFL

Once the last payment was made and both kids were in uni, our communication with BM came to a full stop. No more shrieking phone calls, demands for more $$ or letters from lawyers! It was simply glorious.


ETA: I have Tara Palmatier’s book, ‘Say Goodbye to Crazy: How to Get Rid of His Crazy Ex and Restore Sanity to Your Life’ and, IMHO, it’s required reading for any man/SM with a hostile GUBM ex.

CastleJJ's picture

I will have to check out that book recommendation. It sounds like you have had a lovely next chapter after steplife.

floralsm's picture

I can relate to so much in that article. The fact these narcissistic mothers are under employed and want more government hand outs and CS while studying (example BM is undergoing her 'masters' in a phantom psychology/child hood education/ behaviour therapist role she's been doing for over 10 years now) is so true. 
'It's not about the money!' Ugh yes it is. 
'I only work limited hours as I can't afford to pay YOU CS'. With DH on a wage that's over 100k I don't think you have anything to worry about. He does have 4 children to take care of now so he can't afford to drop his wage which she knows of course. 

It is 9 years left for us.. 7 years for SS! Even just cutting out 1 child we will be celebrating. 

New_to_this's picture

We went through the homestretch just last year as SS graduated high school. It was beyond stressful and I told DH I wanted a divorce during that period. DH and I patched things up (we have DS8 and DD4). But, for me, in that period, it became crystal clear that DH was all in on supporting the continued craziness even though he was telling me all these years that it would end when SS graduated. It was also crystal clear how crazy BM was, as she became increasingly desperate to keep control, both financial and emotional, of DH.

In the end, I straight up told DH, that it was obviously clear the dysfunction between you and your ex-wife. You have no more excuses because the kids are adults, so if you continue the communication, you must enjoy the drama with her. He ended the communication (at least in front of me)

I always knew DH was a huge part of the problem, but I told myself that the Skids and BM were the real issues and it would end when SS was an adult. But, in reality, I was ignoring major issues I had about DH because the focus was always BM and Skids. It's only now that these issues are in the forefront and can be addressed.

For me, the months before the cut off was extremely stressful. I was so anticipating the end, but also knew inside that DH would take back the things he promised would happen at when the Skids became adults (because he always does) But, life has improved dramatically (astronomically really) since the last Skid aged out. But, my relationship with DH is actually probably worse, because I can see him clearly without all the baggage.

MissK03's picture

This was a good read. Granted I don't deal with a money hungry BM but I think these past two years with the CONSTANT... I wouldn't have left your father.. I regret this and that BS... is her way to remain  relevant in our house. 

This is her way off amping up as SD16 (the youngest) gets older and she really will become irrelevant soon. 

Sadielady's picture

I'd like to send this article to my ex, though it would fall on deaf ears. When we split, a lot of his income was commission-based and only paid out every 3 months. So I agreed to base child support on his guaranteed monthly pay with the understanding that he would give me a percentage of each commission check. As far as I know, he was honest about that. But I never asked for tax returns and he never told me about any increases in base salary he might gotten. And never paid for any extras (lessons, grad trips, etc). When our kids were 15 & 17, the ex took a secerance package at work that included 18 months pay. He continued CS for those 18 months (our CA included support until after each child's first university degree). During those 18 months, my ex sustained a pretty awful injury and hasn't worked since. He did nothing to mitigate his damages, like apply for our government disability which would have made up at least a portion of the CS. I wasn't aware that the option existed until I had my own illness a few years later. I told him to focus on himself and that the kids had everything they needed. My parents had saved for my kids education since they were born and both have/had more than enough. What gets me is this, my ex often talks like he's the victim and that I won some kind of lottery in our divorce. (In a way, I did, because my parents bought him out of our house - so I got increased equity but not from him - he got exactly what he was entitled to, including me covering half of the debts he had racked up). He has never acknowledged how generous my parents have been and how much it would have cost to pay for the kids's school. And when I suggested that we lease a car for my daughter when she started school, he said he couldn't afford it and then put in a pool and an outdoor kitchen (his wife makes very good money). I know I'm rambling, but my point is this: I think my ex sees me as one of those money-grabbing ex's from the article and it pisses me off to no end. So when I hear other people making the same kind of comments, I always wonder what the other side of the story is.