We have them from 5-7pm on Wednesdays. The CO says pick up is 4-5pm, but BM has established 5pm and SO is tired of fighting her. We live about 10 miles away, about a 20 minute drive. SO (and sometimes me, I don't go every time) used to pick up the kids when they were still in elementary/middle school and stay in BM's neighborhood for dinner. Pick up a quick meal, go to the park, drop them off by 7pm. Now that the oldest 2 are teenagers, they have preferred to go back to our home where they can lounge around, watch tv, be on electronics, or pick up something they want from their rooms. YSD10 just goes with the flow. She likes the playground but also likes playing with slime at the house or watching youtube. This started happening before it was established that receiving parents pick up, so sometimes they would only spend an hour at the house and SO would take them to pick up something quick on the drive back. 

Now that BM picks them up, they are less rushed to leave, I make more meals at home, and theres just (a little) more time to catch up and hang out. The kids haven't complained to us about anything so far, only YSD's comments about BM's complaints. I guess I'm assuming they aren't voicing anything because they are so used to keeping complaints to themselves with BM. 

Fewer transitions and more time would be great! But BM won't veer from the CO. She put herself through summer MWF 3-8pm because she absolutely didn't want SO to have more time. BM is against any modification that allows SO more time.

Unfortunately, we are only fighting for holidays now. Anything close to 50/50 won't happen unless SO changes jobs. The judge made it clear that his work schedule (6am-2:30pm) was not in the kids' best interest. No amount of arguing from the lawyer would change the judge's mind. I think there is something in the CO that only BM or SO can drop off and pick up, so if SO cannot drop them off at school himself, the judge would not give him overnights. When it was argued that the kids do not go to school in the summer, the judge said, why would I give you over nights if you will not be there in the morning. BM didn't get flack for having a job because it was already a routine. It's a whole thing that SO is unlikely to revisit because he just got hired full time for his job. The judge said if he changes his job to something like 9am to 2pm, she will give him overnights. haha. 

We will absolutely keep the current visitation schedule. I've just heard a lot of arguements against the midweek visit, so I wanted to get more perspectives. There aren't a lot of equivalent alternatives to a midweek dinner, other than an overnight that would be hard to convince a judge to agree to. 

Thanks for your perspective. The majority of what I've received so far (outside of steptalk) is that kids/teens and even some parents found it disruptive, for multiple reasons. I guess I'm wondering what to expect or what is the best option, but family dynamics can vary from family to family. Showing them an example of normal is a great way to put it. I'd like to think our home is more normal than BM's, and maybe the kids recognize that. I am glad it worked for you. 

The kids are trained to not speak about anything specific to BM to us and to not speak about us to her. BM doesn't want to know about the stuff we do and she doesn't want us knowing her business. We asked how their labor day was and they said they didn't do anything, just chilled. YSD let her dad know later that they actually went camping. I understand they are trying to follow BM's rules but it's pretty ridiculous how far into their brains she has reached.