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Salan787's picture

My step kids hate me, they said super awful things about me, they lie etc. Sometimes it makes me want to behave in the same manner or worse. Sometime I want to do also something against them, something to gain attention of my husband, maybe to lie even. I know they are teenagers, not capable of controlling their emotions, but whats wrong with me? Im an adult and sometimes I want to behave just like them. I guess I am turning into an evil step mom. Is this normal? Of course it's not I guess. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Is it normal to feel resentful towards people that treat you horribly? OF COURSE!

Is it normal to feel like you deserve your HUSBAND's attention? OF COURSE!

It's sometimes really hard to not stoop to the level of those being aggressive towards us. And yes, you can be bullied by your teenage stepkids! 

The real questions come down to how does your husband respond when they do this to you? If they don't act like that in front of him, does he believe you when you tell him what happened? Are you and he the team or are they a team? If you marriage isn't his first priority, this isn't going to work. Kids are our first responsibility, and we have to have their NEEDS met (not wants, not demands- needs), but the #1 priority is your marriage. Taking time, dating eachother, cuddling on the couch even when the kids are there. Letting them see a healthy, comfortable and caring marriage. Being a role model for the relationship we want our kids to have.

At the same time, in being demonstrative of a healthy relationship, it also puts them in their place in the home- i.e. not front in center. It shows them that their dad will protect you and fight for your relationship together. Those are all important aspects of making a 2nd marriage and blended family function. 

Rags's picture

However, I recommend that you end this perspective immediatley.

I know they are teenagers, not capable of controlling their emotions,

Bullshit. They can control their emotions and they should have no choice but to control their emotions. Rude, mean, disrespecful children are the product of shit parents.  By all evidence, your SO is a shit parent.

Do not tolerate a single incidence of the product of your SO's failed family couplings behaving disrespectfully toward you. Noe one little thing.

Call it out, rub their noses and the nose of yrou SO in their crap. 

There is no need to stoop to their level.  Stay calm, assume a possition of zero tolerance, and stand your ground.  Set and enforce the standards of ehavior and standards of performance that childrne in YOUR home will be required to deliver to. If they refuse, deliver a life of increasing abject misery for them and for their failed parent.


Stepdrama2020's picture

so this wont be good advice.

STOOP TO THEIR LEVEL, make their lives a living hell. Wear the evil SM crown with pride. 

Or not