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It's been forever since I've posted, it's been nice that sd doesn't visit very often at all

Someoneelse's picture

Dd18 is away at college, SD is about to graduate high school. Sd calls dd18 to brag about how she originally got 20 tickets for graduation, and she's getting more from people who aren't using theirs (she's accumulated 40 tickets and trying to get more) , and how she's giving some to bm, SF, half brother, a friend, BM's parents, SF's parents, aunts and uncle, "framily" (a word she made up for BM's friends) DHn me dd18, dd19, dh's uncle (that's not been in dh's life for YEARS) Dd18 and 19 only had us at graduation, so she knows dd18 is going to feel sad about her bragging about having so many people going. 


I know that sd is heading because she only has 1 real friend, but having so many people show up to graduation makes her feel better about herself.  


Dd18 was the only one in our house that halfway got along with sd, but in the past few years dd has learned to see past sd's facade and actually see how hateful and manipulative she is.  


Now we are actually going to sd's graduation, because if we didn't, we'd look like the "bad guys", so we are going to at least look like we aren't stooping to anyone's level, and that we're the bigger better people. And with there actually being so few times we see her/ hear from her i don't mind going to events here and there. But i DO NOT want to sit anywhere near BM or her family! With BM screaming at DH that he is so detrimental to sd's mental/emotional wellbeing, why would we want to sit close to her? Well DH is such a moron sometimes that he will see ANYONE that he knows and go sit with them. Could be literally Hitler, if he had ever seen him before, he make a point to go sit by him. 




Sorry, just more of an update/rant... any thoughts are welcome. 

CLove's picture

I had to go to SD24 Feral Forgers hs grad. 3 hours in hot sun on hard bench no water. Sucked. She did not appreciate it - I went to support Husband.

SD16almost17 will graduate on one year! YAY! We shall come to that bridge when it happens.

Someoneelse's picture

That's exactly what this is going to be like, but in the evening.  Equally as hot and in the sun, looking at the weather app, it's going to be mid to high 80s when this thing starts, but it's been raining earlier in the week, so there's going to be mosquitoes.  Not fun, but i absolutely will be there to support DH (and to look like the better person) 

Survivingstephell's picture

I'd make it clear to DH that the only way you will attend is to sit away from BM.    Are you sure these people will show up?    SD is playing a game and I certainly wouldn't be a part of it.  And, if the dread was to much the day of, I'd claim being exposed to Covid.  Those are my thoughts.  

Someoneelse's picture

No, they will all show, at least a large majority will. They are all BM's friends, and family, SD has 1 friend, and I'm not sure if she'll be there, she went away for college, but i have no idea if she came back into town for the summer. 

AgedOut's picture

I also think you should make it clear to your hubby that you will not be sitting w/ them. I think you should go a bit early, settle into your preferred seats and pull out a book to read. Just because you know the clown cars also coming to the circus doesn't mean you need to pop on a red nose and clown shoes too. 

Notthedoormat's picture

and trying to make your DD feel 'less than'....not cool. Hopefully your DD understands this mind game and doesn't play.

If BM and her crew beat you to the venue and DH is making a bee line, grab his arm and tell him you'll be able to get better photos from another area. My DH is the same and clueless that sitting with BM isn't something desirable. 

Smile and dress to the 9's and get the hell out of dodge as soon as you can!

Someoneelse's picture

She's not insecure, she's a narcissist sociopath. She lives to make people feel inferior to her, luckily dd18 doesn't fall for it. It upsets her, because she knows sd is doing it on purpose, but she does know that she's a better person that sd in MANY ways. Dd is smarter, prettier, nicer, more generous, and has better people skills than sd.

Someoneelse's picture

So i planned on doing a some of y'all suggested,  and when we get there i tell DH that we can get better pictures "over there" (aka away from BM)... well SOMEONE in my life is on this page, DH, SD, or BM.  Because now sd is complaining to dd18 that dh plans on sitting on the OPPOSITE side of the stadium as BM... 

Now do i think DH said this to sd, its a possibility. It's BM here and told sd that DH is planning on that, bigger possibility, did sd read this and is blaming this idea on DH? That's an even BIGGER possibility (sd gets great joy in blaming everything negative on DH to make him look like a loser father).  But the funny thing is, is that dd18 ALSO doesn't want to sit anywhere near BM. Nobody wants to sit close to BM, but now that this has been said by SOMEONE (not sure who) if we sit too far away, we're going to look bad... so I've planned on sitting somewhere away, but not SOOOOOOO far away. But yes, I'll be looking CUUUTE I've got my red dress, that's going to look SUPER adorable! Might just steal the show. *wink*

Survivingstephell's picture

Who gives a crap what these people think!!!  He DIVORCED her and that means they are separate people. They are no longer a unit. Are these people you would choose as friends? Do you really want to be associated with this crowd ( are they types to bring an air horn or cheer real loud like a bunch of rednecks?)  Is SD the only graduate there with divorced parents? No not in this day and age.  Do not fall for this game anymore.  SD can visit DH after the ceremony, get a picture and then you leave.  Real simple.  It's what happened in our situation quite few times.  That's what normal people do.  So the choice is do you play the game with the dysfunctional clown car or act normal ?