The Entitlement....I just can't....
Good day, fellow S'Talkers. For those who have who have not read of my tragi-comic adventures in Step-World, here is the cast of dysfunctional characters:
SO - Significant Other
SOD - Significant Other - Daughter
SOS - Significant Other - Son
POS - ex-husband of SO, and the sperm donor of SOD and SOS. This is the "man" who happily unloads responsibility for his children on me (mostly financial in nature, but also all of the labor of helping them learn to be adults).
SOD - GD - Significant Other - GrandDaughter
TPP - The Trailer Park Prince, babby daddy of SOD-GD
So last night, SO gets a flurry of text messages while we are watching TV. She puts the blinders on while she is texting back and forth, and ignores me when I ask what is going on. After about 10 texts, she finally says that SOD wants to work an extra shift Saturday, and asked SO to take off work early to watch the baby (because, of course, no one else is willing to help).
Well, it took a minute for me to pull my jaw off the floor. That was an incredibly selfish ask of SOD, especially with no notice. SO has a tough job, and leaving early on the weekend (when they have less staff) might put her way behind. Not to mention, there is the concern that her boss and peers will react negatively to her trying to leave early.
However, we both know that SOD is carrying most of the load at her house. TPP barely works, and when he does, he keeps all of the money for himself, so there is some logic to SOD wanting to work more.
I decided not to say anything to SO about SOD's request, because they are enmeshed, and SO bases a lot of her self-esteem on the validation and supply she gets from SOD. Also, I know on some level SO was irritated about the request, and if I said something, that would give her an opening to take out her frustration on me for "criticizing" her daughter.
I had moved on from request for SO to leave work early, and went on about my evening. However, there was another text-storm right before we went to bed. After it was over, SO clarified why SOD wanted her to leave work early. It wasn't so that SOD could pick up an extra shift. Get this:
IT WAS SO SOD COULD KEEP AN APPOINTMENT TO GET HER EYEBROWS WAXED.
She wasn't working extra. She didn't want to take the baby with her to the esthetician. She didn't want to make an effort to find another baby-sitter. She is so entitled, she had no problem asking her mom to LEAVE WORK EARLY SO SHE COULD GET HER EYEBROWS WAXED. I just....can't. I have no words.
- paul_in_utah's blog
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What did your SO decide to do
What did your SO decide to do when she found out it was for eyebrow waxing?
I've had my eyebrows waxed. It only takes about 10 minutes, max.........unless the daughter is Chewbacca. LOL
Omg. Please tell me your SO
Omg. Please tell me your SO said no. And if she didn't, no wonder SOD would ask. She gets whatever she wants and people like that don't care about others.
Lol, that's a good one. Of
Lol, that's a good one. Of course SO agreed to leave work early!
I would have a hard time not blocking SOD on my SO's phone *blum3*
So what did your SO wind up telling her daughter??
This is straight out of the
This is straight out of the narcissist's playbook!
Play off a situation like It is an urgent emergency, give us few details as possible or outright lie until you get your victim to agree to do what you want.
If I recall it's called "fear and relief" or something like that. People are a lot more likely to agree to do things for you if you inspire anxiety or fear in them before you make the request.
WELL. Please dont keep us waiting...what exactly did SO agree to?
Ill bet that it was a version of "dont you want to spend more time with your GRANDCHILD?"
And how can SO so "no, I dont want to spend more time with GC!"
I hope you made some fun plans of your own for Saturday...
Of course she agreed to do it
Of course she agreed to do it! I'm sure I will get pressure to spend time with the baby. I do like the baby, but we already see her so much (3-4 days per week). I may go see a movie or something
There are some good ones out right now
Make sure that you have SOMETHING going on.
Do NOT give in to any pressure. Just make "supportive" noises..."Oh SO how nice of you to be doing this, especially since you have to sacrifice work stuff, oh and by the way, since I know youll be super busy, Im going off to do xyz"...
My DD has a habit of calling
My DD has a habit of calling me during my workday, wanting to have a long conversation. Sometimes I can talk, sometimes I can't. Nobody is watching me but I'm really very busy. She doesn't seem to know that, so I explain that to her.
If SO has never told her how busy she is at work, SD may not know. And parents who don't set limits in general, have kids with limited empathy.