Today in the trash BM chronicles
Its been a little bit since I've updated y'all on our situation. There has been a lot going on.
After telling BM and grandhag to no longer contact me (because every time they do, they don't like my response and just argue. Also very rude, condescending and grandhag just talks to me like she thinks Im stupid.) there has been one time that BM has tried to ask me something, it was while she was on the phone with SD and I redirected her to my DH, refused to even speak to her. Sorry, not sorry, if your going to throw a fit and try to sick your mom on me over the responses you get from me, you don't get to ask me shit. meanwhile most of the time when grandhag contacts DH, Im the one that responds using his phone. Shes all "thank you, your so helpful, I appreciate you making sure...etc" little does she know its me, the stepmomster she thinks is so nasty and disrespectful. Just goes to show she doesn't like someone matching her energy.
Anywho, DH had to contact BM everyday for a week prior to Christmas to set up a visit with SD. She still didn't get it figured out until less than 24hrs before the visit. Also DH gave her a 3-4 hour time frame for the visit and she only stayed for about an hour and a half. Giving SD a hoodie that is too small for her (why not ask DH what size she is currently in), a pair of boots that are in poor condition, and also too small. She also rewrapped a coloring set that SD had gotten 2 years previous and gave it to her as a gift for Christmas.... after Christmas SD had BM up on a pedestol again. She got an hour and a half of her moms undivided attention and believes mom is all better now. Which is beyond frustrating for DH and I, but we believe that BM is doing a good job of proving what kind of mom she is to her kids on her own. SD doesn't need us to burst that bubble, BM will do it on her own.
Then BM got herself arrested on December 29th, Im assuming for not showing up to court for her DUI, prohibited acts with a child (passing out drunk in her car with her toddler in the backseat) and open container charges from last march. She was released 5 days later but still goes to show a pattern of dysfunctional behavior. She has seen her oldest son 1 time since November and her youngest twice. shes still having visits canceled because she wont get back to the supervisor with a location for the visits. OH and BM is also living in her car with her POS pedo boyfriend.
SDs birthday is a couple week after Christmas and BM asked the night before if she could see SD on her birthday. So DH agreed and what do you know, BM was over 30 minutes late showing up. She didn't actually show up where they agreed to meet at all, DH got tired of waiting and ended up going to where BM was. Dollar tree, last minute, desperate birthday shopping for SD. BM bought SD razors for her birthday... I had brought up to BM in May that SD had said she wanted to start shaving her legs. BM expressed that she had some concerns that SD was too young, and also that razors may be a bad idea. So I agreed to wait until Christmas or her birthday and that we would get her an electric razor so she wouldn't be as likely to cut herself. (SD has a blood aversion and I agreed that the possibility of her cutting herself in the shower and fainting was dangerous). She was so concerned about SD using razors and then went and bought her some to what? beat me to the punch? Whatever SD doesn't want to use razors anyway, she wants to start with an electric razor, so we got her one. Grandhag also sent SD a birthday card with a gift card in it in the mail. We never received it. So grandhag spent days underhandedly hinting to sD that DH and I must have taken it because there was no way it would take a week to get here in the mail. Well SD got sick of her hinting and decided to confess to her that when she lived with BM and grandhag would send her money or gift cards that BM would take it and spend it on gas and cigarettes. Even telling her a story about how her older brother got $300 for his birthday and gave BM $100 of it hoping he would be able to spend the rest on himself, but when he went to the store and tried to buy something BM told him to put it back and took the rest of his money too. All grandhag had to say was "where did this come from" and "well I used to give my mom my money to hold onto when I was little so Maybe thats what your mom did and she just has it all saved for you guys"... are you F**king kidding me? thats all you've got? dismiss your daughters inexcusable behavior and then make up a sugar coated explanation to keep SD wrapped up in the web of lies.
court is in a little over two weeks away, and last week we had a late start for school due to snow. Well BM decided that was the perfect opportunity to show up at SD's bus stop. Its 2 blocks from our house but around a corner so I cant see her from our house. She told SD not to tell DH and I because "mommy will get into big big trouble". Well SD told her therapist that afternoon who told her that it was not okay for BM to do that, it was breaking the court order and that is illegal, he then encouraged her to tell DH and I. Which she did (super proud of her for this). I explained to SD that it is not her job to keep her mom out of trouble, part of being an adult is being responsible for our decisions, good and bad ones. So it is moms job to keep mom out of trouble, not hers. I called our attorney the next day, not knowing if we needed to file a police report or anything. He said no but only because he had talked to BMs attorney the night before and they were going to attempt to settle instead of going to trial. Our attorney said that part of his requirements for settling was that DH would keep full custody for now, BM would still need to have supervised visits until she can prove that shes sober and can stay sober. Part of how they want to do this is by making her use a device called sober link. If you have a BM or BD with alcohol issues, look it up!!!!! it is a breathalyzer devise that was developed specifically for family court cases. like the breathalyzer that get installed in vehicles after a dui, it has to be used on certain time frames(every hours, every 30 minutes etc) usually during parenting time. Instead of having a PO or case worker that get the notifications though DH and I will get them, along with our attorneys I believe. She will also have to complete the mental health and substance abuse evaluations (that she was ordered to do a year ago) and participate in the treatment recommendations from those evals. only after these things are done (and her finding an adequate place to live and a job of course) will she be able to petition the court for 50/50 custody. Our attorney said there is no way that she will get full custody again (unless DH goes off the deep end or something). I do want to be very clear that DH's goal is for 50/50 as long as BM can be a responsible, healthy and safe parent, he is not seeking to remove BM from SD's life, unless or until she is old enough to want that for herself. DH also wants to add to this settlement that BM be required to attend therapy sessions with SD at SD's therapists discretion. Im taking this as a win (if we can settle) because going to court will open up the floor for BM to make wild accusations and lies. Im not anxious about going to trial because of anything we have actually done, Im anxious because she is a compulsive and habitual liar, who knows what she will make up. Thats all Ive got for now, I will update more as we get closer to court. Im so ready for all this to be over!!!! Im so over living our lives according to BMs BS.