Feeling very "done with it all"
I saw a similar thread in which somebody said they were feeling like leaving the situation they were in.
Short version, I have reached the point of feeling resentful towards my partner and honestly, the step kids as well. I genuinely feel every day that if it weren't for my biological son, I would have left so long ago.
If we're talking percentages regarding my partner, I would say 90% of the time there's some issue around work stress, step kids' Dad being useless, step kids' autism, her recently diagnosed autism... The list goes on. The remaining 10% is where there's no drama or arguments. I just feel like I can't take anymore. I have entirely lost myself in this relationship and yet feel incredibly trapped because I can't imagine being without my son for any length of time.
On the rare occasion I do go out to see friends, I miss him and feel guilty. The rest of the time, I'm cooking, cleaning and providing for two other children that aren't mine and are hitting teen stage. The problem with that teen stage is I imagine when they're your biological children, you have slightly more tolerance, when these kids start sassing me I can't help thinking "Really, I don't even have to put up with this, I don't owe you anything!"
There is more to the whole story than I can really fit in here... I just want out at this point but also the idea of only seeing my son 50% of the time makes me so sad.
Hate is a strong word but there are definitely moments when I feel no love at all for anybody in this house other than my biological son.