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DH had the YouTube/TikTok chat with SD

floralsm's picture

Last night DH had a chat with SD about her YouTube account. He explained how we overheard SS friend mention it and we easily found her full name on YouTube and saw her entire channel content. 

Overall I think it went well. As soon as SD realised she isn't in trouble and it was DH expressing his concerns she relaxed a bit more and took it all in. He asked questions and about BM's involvement and said BM does know and uses her email address. Apparently BM 'approves' what she posts. DH shook his head and said he doesn't approve and he explained why.

Went through the language, the sexual referencing of her kissing/seducing looking poses, recording SS in his underwear, the dancing and singing song material, ect not being age appropriate for the public to see. He explained even Nan (MIL) can see.. how would you feel her looking at it? She freaked out and he said well you made it public so the entire family, friends, friends of friends can see it.. and share it without any of her knowledge or control. He explained once you put yourself on the internet people can save and download your videos and pictures. Essentially, it's up there forever. 

We talked about dangerous people and SS sat down at this point and was shocked to learn the twisted people out there. We talked about my friend and SD and SS was really shocked that grown men could do that to young girls boys. 

DH wrapped it up by saying he cannot control what BM exposes to her, but as her father he has a right and responsibility to protect her and educate her about these things and unfortunately it's come sooner than expected. He explained this information about dangerous people and the dangers of internet being explained to her at 8 is actually difficult for him as she is not mature enough to understand it.. hence why she is too young to have the account. 
 

He explained he will tell BM he is aware of the account and they had this chat. He can only ask that she do the right thing and not upload anymore content and wait until she's old enough to do so. We also asked why she wants to post her content and she shrugged and I gently asked her 'is it because of the likes and attention you might receive? You watch pretty young girls do the same thing and want to be like them?' And she nodded and said yes which is a typical young girl mentality. Just way too young to have BM encourage that yet. 
 

What he didn't tell SD is he is going to ask BM to shut the account down in the best interest of SD's welfare. We know BM only does these manipulative things to be seen as the more fun and 'encouraging' parent to keep SD enmeshed with her. SD and SS both confirmed they deleted their tik tok accounts (we didn't even know SS had one??) for whatever reason. Fingers crossed this YouTube one gets deleted too. 

Comments

JRI's picture

I think your DH did well.  Kerp us posted.

SeeYouNever's picture

Great job! My only advice is to bring it up again in small doses to reiterate it, sometimes kids zone out during a lecture. I know I do! Try to keep it a 2 way conversation with SD

Good luck, she's probably mortified because it was all public, the next step is for her to learn to be sly. Stay on top of it!

justmakingthebest's picture

I think your DH did a really great job. I know she is young but there are some really good movies about online predators. Maybe something like that will stick with her more than a parent talk. They are definitely geared towards teenagers but she is playing teenager games. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

did an amazing job! He is right it is tough to have that type of conversation with her at 8 because she isn't mature enough for it, but he has to have it anyway. 

I will be interested to hear what BM's response is to all this. 

At least both SS and SD listened to it and seems like they were actually scared. In a way I guess it is good having it younger because then they are actually scared of what can happen instead of them being teenagers and having the "that won't happen to me" attitude about it. 

Crossing my fingers the account could be taken down or at the very least SD now doesn't want to post the same type of content on there. So gross that BM approves of it all, I think that is worse then BM not knowing at all. BM here also is more about being their "friends" and being free/cool then being the parent she should be and protecting her kids.

floralsm's picture

Thanks everyone. DH messaged BM regarding her YouTube Channel and explained he had a talk with SD on the dangers of exposing herself so young on the internet. 

He said he didn't approve of the account and explained it is public and anyone can see her full name. DH asked BM can she please support him on this issue that SD is not old enough for it and not allow SD to upload anymore content in future until she's older and mature enough to make those decisions herself. He also mentioned that we had to again treat SD hair and found one lice and fresh little eggs laid and can she PLEASE TREAT HER HAIR. He didn't do caps but I always feel the need to. 

BM replied and said she isn't sure where SD would have got the headlice from and then immediately said afterwards she may have gotten it from her friends children as they always have them. She said she does treat SD hair and even her own. That is UTTER BS. Her lies infuriate me something chronic. I just love how BM throws her friend under the bus and give her the blame instead of just admitting THEY ARE IN YOUR HAIR. BM of course never tells DH a confirmation of 'YES I will treat SD hair'  instead it's always a deflection and push of blame to someone else. Just once a confirmation of what DH is asking of her would be nice. 

Regarding the YouTube she admitted she is aware of the account and acted surprised DH could see it as the account is a 'kids account' and as you have to be 18 to have one and SD's should be private. This is all complete BS.. I looked up the faqs and at 13 they can have an account and is advised to be under parental control following their terms and conditions. 

I know you can have an 18+ account to see 18+ content (I'm a nursing student and had to prove this to see autopsy footage on the human anatomy - off topic but very cool way to see the human body) and I had to submit a credit card matching my ID. BM is a compulsive liar and will say anything to cover up her crappy parenting she obviously thought she got away with. 

She picked up SD from our house yesterday and sent DH a text saying she will wait in the car (I guess my bluntness of shutting the door in her face worked last time) and can SD bring her school stuff back. DH rang me and I said we don't have their school stuff? BM picked them up last day of school? DH thinks it's just some stupid tactic she does to try and make herself look responsible after he confronted her about their 8 year old on YouTube. She's a complete nutcase. 

When you give this HCBM an inch she runs a mile. So DH asked BM can they bring back the custody care one more day with SD in our care and SS in her care. So SS will be 8/6 and SD 6/8 in our care to keep the 50/50. DH just wants that extra day with SD in light of what happened and we actually get another whole night off without the skids. BM agreed (I was a bit shocked to be honest but she does love a night off of being a parent) but then demanded DH tell her what we do mornings and nights in our home as they need to communicate and 'sync' across the house holds. Wtf that's none of her business what we do in our home. DH just replied with  'as long as we communicate regarding the skids schooling issues and ensure their reading and homework is completed every night across both homes it will be manageable'.  Of course she didn't respond because she doesn't believe the skids homework is important and we never get a mature response anyway. 
 

Sorry for another long update but with this HCBM it feels refreshing for me to air out her toxic behaviour we put up with. SD account is still not down but DH will monitor it and BM knowing that too will hopefully not let SD publish more. 

thinkthrice's picture

On the social media issue.  If she's anything like the Girhippo, and frankly they sound like clones, she will want to continue her "my kid's BFF" status and will let SD do as she pleases regardless of the danger. 

These HCGUBMs don't care about their children... only about themselves. 

floralsm's picture

Yes definitely, she's a narcissist and only thinks about herself. She will manipulate SD any way possible to ensure her household is the one SD prefers to be at just to get back at DH for moving on from her.