When skids don't have a life
Blog hog this week, sorry.
This is driving me insane. SD13 started public school 2 years ago, and has gone through 3 friend groups since then. As in, these girls just will no longer talk to her at all. She immediately met a best friend who was also new to the school and lives 2 blocks from us- they were inseparable. Something happened where this girl will no longer talk to SD at all, and in SD's story, she is the victim and did nothing wrong. Maybe so, but then she made another friend group and stayed overnight at one of their houses the entire wknd over Halloween, then ended up getting salty that they didn't want to trick or treat long (I mean, they are in 8th grade and there weren't many 8th graders trick or treating), so SD went off by herself, and now these girls won't talk to her either. Again, in SD's version, she did nothing wrong. We don't know what the truth is, but it seems weird and DH agrees.
Trust me, I know kids are a**holes, especially girls that age. My experience is that they usually get over things and you are then friends again, but that's not happening here. On the one hand I feel bad for SD because I have seen her be a good friend and good person in general and I know it really bothers her that her friends won't talk to her, but on the other hand I have seen her cause drama and there does seem to be a pattern that involves SD being the one cut out of the group, and we are only hearing her side.
So now we are left with us being SD's only source of entertainment outside of her phone. She doesn't hang out with friends, doesn't make plans- nothing. Every night she's asking if we'll play games with her. She's always asking if we have plans this wknd. Crazy has no friends or life, so when she's there, her and Crazy do everything together and SD thinks that's the way it is. I just was not like that at her age and didn't know anyone who was, and honestly it drives me crazy. There are times I want to scream "go make friends and have your own life, you are a teen"!!! We have talked to her about evaluating her own actions to see if she could be handling things better with friends and if there is a reason they may not want to be friends with her- not saying that it's her fault, but making her self-reflect. For a while there she was doing things with friends and it was amazing, and now here we are, 10 steps back, and it feels like this is how it's going to be forever and it's not ideal. Thoughts?
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Teenage girls are drama,
Teenage girls are drama, especially middle school. While it is suspect that she goes through friend groups quickly this can happen if you don’t have a core group of friends you bonded with pretty much from pre-k on. I used to feel sorry for Spawn when as she got older it seemed she had more and more falling outs with her core groups of friends. That is until I found out it was because she was flirting with her friends boyfriends. When I found this out I called her on in and she played the victim. The guys were flirting with her, why are her friends so sensitive, she wasn’t doing anything wrong. My own BD goes through periods where she claims she has no friends (she has plenty), but she never tries to make plans with them outside of school so that’s on her.
I'm always interested to hear
I'm always interested to hear what other's are experiencing with teen girls (and boys). I know how it was with me, but that was ages ago and it seems like things are different now, and friendships don't bounce back like they did when I was that age. Same with hanging out outside of school, it's not nearly as often as what we did at that age.
I think it's increasingly
I think it's increasingly typical that both sets of parents work in a home.. (or it's a single home with one working parent custodially). So, they may not want kids hanging out when they can't be there.
I also think a lot of kids have their time scheduled.. sports travel teams etc..
Kids tend to be able to attend schools less close to their homes.. so it's not that typical to have neighborhood cliques from the same school.. and kids aren't given free reign to run the streets.
COD situations.. where lots of kids are doing visitation on weekends.. not at home a lot.
I can see that, but we live
I can see that, but we live in a small town where most kids are allowed to hang out with friends as they want, most live blocks from each other (SS has friends that live a few blocks away too), if they have practice it's until 5:30 and then their nights and wknds are mostly free, etc...they are mostly on their phones so much that they don't plan things in person. Not a fan of that trend either....
Being new to the school.. it
Being new to the school.. it can be extra difficult.. especially if many of the kids have grown up together through the years.
And... there can be a few things going on.
First.. the girl she met "right away".. sometimes the first people rushing to befriend you are doing it because they have their own issues.. difficulties keeping friends..
Second.. that age can be tough because some kids are very advanced.. dating.. into mature things.. and some are still home playing with barbie dolls. It sounds like the 2nd group of girls thinks they are too mature to be doing "kiddie" things.. and therefore she isn't their type..
I don't think this means she will never find her groove.. I would encourage her to join clubs and sports that interest her.. to see if she can develope more like minded friends.
Hoping High school is different
I think high school can be a bit better, people have matured a bit by then and our grade school drama died down a LOT, so I'm hoping it's the same here. Right now, she is on Student council, played volleyball, is in choir and some other group she just told us about...she mentions these friends, but one of them is PREGNANT and she thinks her mom will take her out of school when she starts showing, so that will leave maybe 1 or 2? And she doesn't hang out with these friends outside of school like she did with the other ones. Who on earth thought it was a good idea to have multiple kids who would be teens at the same time?? This is the worst! Luckily DH agrees.
When I was in grade 7 and 8
When I was in grade 7 and 8 there was so much friend drama and pressure to be in the "cool kid clique". I struggled with that for all of grade school. But in grade 7 my friend and I broke away from that clique and said screw that, to all of that drama and cliqueness. We just become best friends and did everything together and forgot about those petty girls. We're still great friends. I tell my kids this story sometimes and just say find a friend that you enjoy hanging out with that you get along with well. Forget about all the other drama and just find a nice friend or group of friends.
My twins, 15, keep most of their friendships at school only but once in a while meet up at the mall. I encourage them to hang out, outside the home but they reply that is a "stay at school" friend lol. My son 14 is just starting to want to see friends at the house. Which is nice.
My step son was the opposite. Enmeshed in unhealthy and detrimental non stop teen drama with his friends.
We had SO much drama when I was in 6th-8th grade! Friends one week, not friends the next....I warned SD that it's common, but we also never completely cut each other off like this so this seems extreme. And I went to a new school in 6th grade also, same as SD. DH and I try to determine if this is a new thing or if it's to do with SD's behavior, but really we just can't tell.
SS16 just finally started doing more things with friends over the summer. Prior to that he would almost never leave the house except for work, all he would do is play video games and was surprised when I asked if he had NYE plans last year, as it had never occured to him that friends might hang out. It's hard for me as a SM with no kids who was completely opposite at that age, to watch these kids just sit in the house and expect us to be their entertainment when they are plenty old enough to have their own lives and do things with friends sometimes. You look forward to the teen years when they are more independent and then....wah wah wah.....
I was the same growing up.
I was the same growing up. Each night being outside with the neighborhood friends. Then in my teenage years juggling homework, school teams and clubs and on top of that hanging out with friends definitely each weekend. And I also did travel sports. I had a summer job in the fields and in the other months I had a waitressing job.
All this to say I also find teen dynamics so different now. Partially because of all of the texting instead of picking up a phone to make plans outside the house. And just more general laziness. From what I hear a lot of the high school kids don't do much with their friends outside of school. I dont really know. Just what I hear from my own kids and on here.
Same to all of this- I was
Same to all of this- I was with friends constantly. Always had a job and worked a ton of hours while also playing sports. I am not a fan of the new dynamics of barely hanging out at all. It's all online and most of it isn't good, and I don't really want to be needing to do things with them to entertain them constantly.
When I was in school I had a
When I was in school I had a small group (5 or so) of close friends. They remain to this day, wonderful and kind people. There was never any drama between us.
Little Idiot had a couple good friends (these friends were smart, kind buuut perhaps not one of the clique) when she was in 8th grade that she had known for years and a couple really awful ones (drama-ridden, definitely cliques, did not do well in school). Guess which ones she drifted away from? (Sigh)
The worst was when she got to HS. She latched into this one girl there and they became bffs. This girl was trouble and drama all the way. I didn't know it a at the time but the two of them were running the town down in Fl skipping classes. I'm sure the two of them schemed together to make the least of their high school education (which is why we are nearly three years into college and she is still paying for high school level math and science courses that she could've gotten for free if she applied herself).
It comes as no surprise
It comes as no surprise Little Idiot picked the worst of the bunch- she seems intent on making the worst decisions and everything as hard as it can possibly be.
I swear if this continues all through High School I will lose my shit. DH and I have both talked to her about her dramatics and being "on" when she's around other kids, and how it's just too much. Idk if she listens, but she tells us other groups of girls are going bowling and not inviting her, so I'm having a hard time believing she's not doing anything to alienate them. It doesn't help that she completely overlooks the atrocious behavior of Crazy and her older brother (stealing, lying, not keeping a job, etc) and defends them to the ground. If she doesn't end up like them it will be a freaking miracle.
Yup. It be thing I've learned
Yup. It be thing I've learned is that "water seeks it's own level". In other words, people tend to hang out with and associate with people who are like them in most ways and share their values. If you befriend (or marry someone for that matter) who is not at your level, things will eventually break down. You'll become annoyed by them eventually. You won't see eye-to-eye. You won't click. Little Idiot didn't value education and hard work so those friends became "boring". She couldn't understand why anyone would choose to hang out at home and study when there were malls to shop, restaurants to try, boys to find, beaches to relax on etc.
Time for the "common denominator" speech for SD.
She is the common denominator.
She is the one who has to correct the problem. And she is the problem.
End of common denominator lecture.
Rags that is exactly what DH
Rags that is exactly what DH told her! Actually, DH was so harsh I had to reign him in a bit. I told her no matter what she believes to be the issue, she needs to do some self-reflecting and see her part in the problem, because chances are she HAS a part. And everyone can always be self-reflecting and doing better. Alas, it seems the ship has probably sailed, as most of her friends have cut her off and 1 of the few she now has is knocked up.
YSD22 still clings to DH like a bad odor ...
In high-school YSD seemed developmentally stunted and acted like a much younger kid. Also, BM is racist (Even tho she is obviously Mexican she is in denial about it.) BM passed on her attitude to SDiablas that whites are better than everybody else. This attitude really cut down the numer of kids SD's could be friends with because we live in an area full of diversity. BM also taught SDiablas that the reason for DH's existence is to serve, entertain and shell out $$$. In their dysfunctional world DH is the dog slave of the family. Any moment DH was not doing these things, the SD's are "bored."
SD's also hate me because I treat DH like a king, not because I am subservient but because he treats me like a queen and because when I love, I love fiercely. Unlike BM and SD's, I don't keep a running tally of who did what for whom. They are so petty and everything has to be "equal' which really means that they are entitled and gimme gimme gimme. They don't understand me and are jealous that DH gives me back as much as I give him. Steps have no idea what equal even means.
DH has had a lot of "come to Jesus" conversations with them but they seem to be slow learners. I expect that when they come for their weeklong holiday visit they will all fall right back into their old patterns of DH gets to be at SDiablas beck and call. He has improved but it is hard for him not to cater to his wittle diablas. Fortunately I am disengaged and DH has stepped back in his own ways. They reep what they sow.
I have been pleasantly surprised that YSD survived at her out of state college. I am not privy to her friend situation but she apparently has done good enough to survive. Unfortunately she still considers DH to be her entertainment system when she comes home because .... She didn't have any friends in high school. She has never dated or had a BF either. It is annoying that she is such a leech when she returns home.
Crazy teaches skids the same concept- that DH and I are bad parents if we do not spend every minute entertaining skids. That is our sole job!
If had created one like any of these, I would do myself in to prevent further damage to the species. Oh how I hope none of these ever breed.
They would need daddy or mommy in the delivery room helping them push or holding their hand while they deliver their pollution contribution to the gene pool.
It truly boggles the mind!
It truly boggles the mind!