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Stepson issues

Jlowe6974's picture



I would love some advice. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and have 4 kids between us. My two (18 and 21) look to him as a father figure because their dad chooses not to be in their lives. He loves them as his own. His kids (20 and 26) are a different and difficult story. From the beginning they’ve made things hard. Their mom tries to control every aspect of their lives and plays victim to everything. Anything my husband says to them falls on deaf ears because they seek their moms validation…which they’ll never get. Over the past year his daughter (26) and I have been working on our relationship as she’s starting to see her mother for who she is. The problem I have is his son(20). If this kid opens his mouth he’s lying about everything for no reason. He will not speak to me because I’ve called him out numerous times and have no time for disrespect. I point blank told him on 3 separate occasions that I don’t believe anything he says. I’m not rude just matter of fact. I genuinely want the best for him. My husband knows what I’ve said to him as we have discussions about his behavior. I told my husband that it really hurts me that he’s ok with this kid lying constantly to both of us and there’s no consequences to his actions. My husband always reply’s “well what do you want me to do, stop talking to him?” Actually yes, I think nothing will change if it’s not addressed. This kid mooches off people and can’t keep a job because he’s “so stressed”. Am I wrong for wanting him to distance himself from his son? Let me also add that there have been several times where this kid had no problem blocking his dad for weeks and even months from contacting him. Thoughts? 

ndc's picture

I think it's wrong to ask your husband to distance himself from his son.  There's nothing wrong with asking him to address bad behavior, including lying. He can address the lying without refusing to talk to him. 

Rags's picture

However, prefacing every comment with "This smells like your usual lies and bullshit.  Try telling the truth.  You may grow some trust with people who should love you but struggle due to you being entirely untrustworthy."

Lather.... rinse..... repeat.

Most young people go through a phase where they embellish and self agrandize.  At some point it is long past time for it to end. Now is that time for your SS IMHO and his dad exposing him to near constant embarrassment and public humiliation for the lies and bullshit may be the fuel for that change.

The liar will either go away or stop lying.  Either way, the problem is resolved.

justmakingthebest's picture

Yes, you are wrong for asking him to distance himself from his son. What would you do if your husband told you to stop talking to your children? It doesn't matter the reason- I don't care if they are the next Jeffrey Dahmer, you love your kids. We are wired to fight for them and they are the only unconditional love we ever experience in our life. 

That being said- YOU can distance yourself. You can be totally disengaged and tell your husband that you don't want to hear about it if he complains. If SS comes over, excuse yourself and go somewhere for a while or even just go to your room and take a bath with a good book. Just remove yourself. 

CLove's picture

You need to disengage. You know that addage: "ask me no questions Ill tell you no lies". Just stop. Keep things light and breezy. Encourage your husband to work on your SS. HE needs to be the one inconvenienced by liar-pants-on-fire SS. That or you can suggest SS change his name legally - to Pinnochio,