You are here

Food issues

Ki2619's picture
Forums: 

I am 100% disengaged. I choose to help DH by taking his kids (15 boy, 13 girl) to school. I disengaged in 2019 after we found out some serious lies were told by ss15 to court about his stepdad.  For the last few years I've noticed serious food issues.  These kids eat up everything in the pantry. I get it. They're teenagers. I raised my son and he's 20 now. Even cooking ingredients they're eating, (chopped walnuts, baking chocolate chips). This past weekend ss15 had friends spend the night. Dh took them and sd13 to the dollar store because they wanted snacks. sd13 had $20 of her own and She spent it all on two bags of hot Cheetos, two big bags of Nerds Clusters and a big bag of m&ms. In less than 48 hours it's all gone eaten by sd13. She also ate several slices of pie I made for DH birthday on Saturday. 

Ss15 went through several candy bars and bags of chips himself. They are both considered obese by their pediatrician. Sd13 was a size womens 14 at the end of her 7th grade year in May 2022. By July of this year when shopping for new clothes she is now a size womens 18 or junior 19.  She got into trouble and lost her phone and iPad so she sits in the living room watching tv the entire time she is with us which is by the kitchen. She eats a lot when dh and I go to bed at 10 pm.  She has a bedtime when school is in but when school is out we still have to work so they eat all night long. I find her trash regularly hidden on the shelf of the end table between DH jeep magazines. 
 

im all for body positivity and beautiful at any size but with some mental issues both kids now have (anxiety and depression) and their lack of movement I am more concerned for their health.  They complain about it too occasionally. DH had no idea the amount of junk sd bought because he said it was her money. But he will complain when he is constantly having to buy clothes. Ss asked for clothes for Christmas and DH realized it's because his are all too small. We both understand kids grow but the amount they grow out and not up is alarming. I'm concerned for their health and while I am disengaged I did mention to DH the concerns I have. I don't know if he's too worried about upsetting them by limiting junk food and hurting their feelings or if he just doesn't want to deal with it. Since they now share time I think he just doesn't want to deal with it for fear of pushing them away. 
 

when we go to the store the kids never want to go so they stay home. They don't always ask for stuff but they always seem to have tons of junk. They bring a lot from BMs in their backpacks on drop off day. I don't guess she is concerned either. I've thought about recommending a family membership to a workout facility. DH and I both belong to a planet fitness and in the last year and a half I go on the regular. I mentioned joining our YMCA as a family hoping to get the kids moving some. They might take 800 steps a day when they're not in school. Is that pushing it too far?  The YMCA has a pool so they would enjoy that I think. I'm not pushing teens to do a workout or anything. I also don't know if DH would take advantage of going in the evening hours when the skids would want to go. He is a diabetic and I hate to see kids heading down that same path. 

CajunMom's picture

You've voiced concerns to your DH. He has his own health issues that SHOULD make him clearly aware of the path his kids are taking. Yet he does nothing. BM has the same amount of concern for her kids that their father does. Zero. Do you think any intervention by you will make a difference??? I highly doubt it. Continue with your own healthy life style; gym, eating healthy, etc. At best, maybe add some neighborhood walking into your life and when getting ready to head out, just advise the "family" and ask if anyone wants to join you. That will keep you disengaged by keeping it a family request. 

Evil4's picture

It sounds like the kids are on the Disneyland Dad Diet. Also, when people gain a lot of weight and self-soothe with food, I would say that the kids are in more need of counselling than a workout/diet plan. 

I see that you say your DH is diabetic. Type 1 or 2? If he's type 2, then he got that way through not so great habits. My parents and both brothers were type 2 as were all four of my grandparents. It was the same prescription: eat healthfully, exercise and lose weight. All of them did and their type 2 was gone. 

With that said, all you can do is model a healthy lifestyle. I had no say when it came to my SKs who were also on the Disneyland Dad Diet and became obese and sickly. DH and I have polar opposite values when it comes to health and nutrition. I had no say at all even when DH would lament to me about how the SKs had turned out and what their habits were. So, I just did me. My SKs are adults now, both lost a lot of weight and I'm the first one they come to when it comes to vegetable recipes or they will send me one they know I'll like. I'm the one they talk to about health. I mean, your SKs may pick up on your habits or they may not, but if you live your healthy lifestyle, they may pick up on it. Since both DH and I did grocery shopping and ate differently, I couldn't even ban junk food from the house. If your hands are tied, all you can do is do you. 

ESMOD's picture

I agree.. food issues are complicated and as the SP it is difficult to wade in without creating unintended waves of drama.

BUT.. you can model good food choices.. you can insist on preparing healthy meals (within reason.. I knew a lady who ate only brown rice with veg every meal and had her kid on that diet.. oof)... and limit or eliminate junk food from your grocery list.  what you can't do is force dad or his EX to stop buying them junk food.. and you can't stop them from buying it themselves when they have their own money.. but the above suggested counseling.... may end up addressing some of that.

As far as the YMCA... if there are some social and entertainment style actiivities the kids might ENJOY.. then by all means.. suggest to your DH that you switch to the family plan at the Y vs your couples plan at the gym... access to a pool.. other activities that might be offered there.. may seem like FUN for the kids.. 

I would approach it from that angle vs trying to get them to exercise.. it may just naturally progress as they have more ready access.  also.. as a family .. you could go.

Another thought is a pet that needs walking if the kids have been asking for one.. and if you have any hope they would actually follow through.

Ki2619's picture

diagnosed in 2015. He wasn't extremely overweight and since the diagnosis he has lost the weight and his A1C has dropped to normal range but he is in one pill a day. His mother and father both have/had it as well as grandparents on both sides. His kids are surely to become diabetic as adults.

how great your skids come to you for ideas for meals! Holding out hope that my husbands kids see the benefits of eating healthy as they get older. 

Rags's picture

DW and I are both struggling with this. In a positive perspective.

I am down to 40" waist jeans from 46 since June 26.  DW is down at least 3 sizes in that same time frame.  40s are already getting loose on me and I have only been back in them for a few weeks.

We hesitate to purge the stuff that is too big or too small from our wardrobes because of how cyclical we can be in our weight.

Kids make it an even more complex consideration .when you throw in growth on top of their eating and activity habbits.

For us it leveled out with SS-30 after his 10th grade year of HS. He lost 40Lbs between his Sophomore and Jr. years of HS and has remained trim ever since.  

One critical success factor for us is to purge the junk from the home. If it is not available, it is not a problem.  

Adults need to control the food in the home. Even if the kid claims to be paying for it with their own money.

IMHO of course.

Rags's picture

DW and I are both struggling with this. In a positive perspective.

I am down to 40" waist jeans from 46 since June 26.  DW is down at least 3 sizes in that same time frame.  40s are already getting loose on me and I have only been back in them for a few weeks.

We hesitate to purge the stuff that is too big or too small from our wardrobes because of how cyclical we can be in our weight.

Kids make it an even more complex consideration .when you throw in growth on top of their eating and activity habbits.

For us it leveled out with SS-30 after his 10th grade year of HS. He lost 40Lbs between his Sophomore and Jr. years of HS and has remained trim ever since.  

One critical success factor for us is to purge the junk from the home. If it is not available, it is not a problem.  

Adults need to control the food in the home. Even if the kid claims to be paying for it with their own money.

IMHO of course.

Winterglow's picture

If you don't get rid of the too big stuff, you are silently giving yourself permission to pile the weight back on again. Getting rid of it is an added incentive to keep your life in order.