Me and my boundaries
Long story short. Several months ago we found my adopted daughter's bio family. Unfortunately her parents passed away years ago. They live in another country and when my x and I adopted her we were given a social history with one pic of bio mom and the names and ages of the several older children. That was 20 plus yrs ago and my x and I even hired a searcher to find them. Not successful.
So fast forward to this year. Turns out the kids are now in their 20's like my daughter and she was only child adopted out. In the middle. My daughter and I were shocked after all these years. I contacted the brother thru social media. He responded as did 2 sisters. My daughter cried seeing their pics but says she has no interest in any of them NOW. I told them and the brother is very disappointed. There is a language barrier. I am FB friends with him and a sister. But that means nothing because I never post anything in yrs. Aside from some initial messages asking about each other I have no contact with them. For me, it is so wild to finally have found them after thinking about these kids for over 20 Yrs! They came from utter proverty and still are poor. But they are all kind hard working people.
My daughter has always become very close with the kids of the women her father has dated over the yrs. Not many, but he is engaged and she is extremely close with her sons and nephews. Her father doesn't want her to have any contact with her bios. He has told her to wary that they will want money and that "your mother will push you into a relationship with them." I have to laugh because I think that his fiancée's relatives are around so much because my x has tons of money and lovely homes in lovely locations.
My daughter says her first reaction was feeling guilty but now she has no interest in them. Honestly I find her superficial and I am disappointed in her lack of empathy and kindness. She said NOT NOW. I said that they might not be waiting for years. End of discussion. That was several months ago and we don't discuss it. But I think about the situation. my daughter was so young when we got divorced. She has no contact with my husband's daughters. This year she was rejected by her only gm, my mother, in vicious ways.
Only thing to do is stay out of this. But I feel bad. I see the pics of her little nieces who look so much like my daughter at that age. Thanks for listening.