You are here

Lucky SD has another good communicative teacher

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Surprise, surprise, SD's picture day at school is only a couple days away and BM did not share any information for DH to purchase SD's school pictures. DH politely asked BM if she could share the information when she receives it for picture day following his share of the instructions and codes to set up the parent portal for SD that was emailed from SD's teacher, but that BM had mailed to her. We know from the teacher BM has had the information for over a week now, so either she is not going to share it at all or she is going to share it last minute on picture day. 

We have been lucky that SD has another good communicative teacher that tries to involve DH as she can. Yesterday SD's teacher emailed DH the agenda for next week in her classroom. DH responded by thanking her, asking her if she had any information for picture day, and also asking if report cards only went home or were also electronic through the portal. Within an hour, SD's teacher scanned over a copy of the picture day envelope and told us report cards are electronic. Thank goodness for the report cards being electronic because if not we would never see SD's report card. 

All last year we uploaded the digital copy of the report cards to the CO app since BM did not share the first one even though DH politely asked if she could upload it when SD brought it home. Found out weeks later that it is because SD was apparently throwing her school papers in BM's trunk and/or shoving them in a drawer in her room. 

Should DH continue to upload report cards to establish the pattern of BM never sharing any educational information but that DH from a distance continually shares the information despite receiving it days or weeks after BM does and he has to request it through the school?


ESMOD's picture

He should not need to upload things she can get through the portal herself through her own login.  

If he wants it there as a record of her ongoing performance.. that is another issue.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

He wants to record her pattern of not sharing information. Doesn't matter if DH asks for it only once, doesn't matter how politely he asks, DH consistently has to reach out for medical and educational information from the source. 

Over the summer, each packet from SD's tutor was uploaded within 24 hours of the session hoping BM will follow suit and if not then show even at long distance visitation he communicates and shares information regarding SD. That was why he has uploaded other things that he has asked BM for and when she doesn't share it he goes around her when it is obvious she has it and isn't going to share it. Trying to not ask more than once because we don't want BM saying DH harasses her, etc.

ESMOD's picture

What does he expect to be the result of him amassing all this "proof" she isn't sharing.  She could claim since he has electronic access.. her sharing info is not necessary.  Even if this is brought up before a judge.. it will more likely hurt your DH's case because it will look like he is picking on poor single mother of 2 kids..  "just doing the best she can".  I'm not even sure what him posting it does....other than make a record of the information in the portal...   From other cases on here.. it is highly unlikely that she will get anything more than a "please try to do better" from the court... and it seems like if he can get this information independently.. he should be doing that anyway... information not available to him independently would be more of a hill to make into a mountain.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Two, yes he can get the report card through the portal but all other information he has to contact the school to get any other information that is not grades or attendance. For all medical information he has to call and send the CO to get records from the doctors office directly because BM more than half the time doesn't share it. BM whines that when SD us with us she wants information shared to her that he is not required too and certainly doesn't want to when he has to jump through hoops to get information on SD that he wouldn't get otherwise. DH is lucky SD's teacher is willing to put in the work to provide information that BM is receiving but not sharing. 

The point is BM has tried to make many accusations such as DH doesn't communicate why is it so difficult for him to communicate. Also that DH doesn't care and isn't involved. All it is showing is if we ever need it that Dh does communicate, does share information and tries his best to be as involved from the distance we are. DH got ran over in court with BM twisting that she cares more because she posted the kids more often and stupid things such as that so just trying to protect himself if he ends up in court again 

ESMOD's picture

If facebook and instagram are being viewed as more important by the courts.. I would be taking a TON of pictures when she is there with him.. and making posts quite often lol.

But.. it's more likely your DH got run over because the "absent" father (he did move further if I recall).. is up against it all anyway.. being the father.. and not being local.  look at poor Justmakingthebest's situation.  Her husband has truly been shafted.

And.. the courts will always almost sympathise with the poor BM 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

of both children for over 1.5 years and was right after BM had the CO paternity test and had his rights taken away from BM's older child, all because the judge "did not want to separate the sisters." This was years before moving and before it was ever even brought up of happening. Both parents later said they were going to move, BM was supposed to move before we were, but she didn't. It is all documented in their CO of BM moving out of state and it supposed to happen in June 2020, 11 months before we left. 

I know all of this and it is terrible. Just want to be prepared if it ever comes up

PetSpoiler's picture

I don't get these BM's.  They refuse to communicate then want to complain that "dad doesn't care" when they're trying to keep Dad out of the loop.  She should be grateful that your husband is involved because there are some deadbeat parents out there.  

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Or even parents that don't want to put in the extra effort to be involved even when BM is trying so hard to box him out. She got her one daughter all to herself and I wouldn't be surprised if that is her end goal with SD so they can be this picture perfect family of 4 with her DH

thinkthrice's picture

Shut dad out then crow about being a victim.  "I'm a siiiiiiinnnnngle mooootthhhhheeeerrrrrrrrr."  

frustratedbonusmom's picture

My DH goes through something similar, he is copied and receives emails from SD school and teachers but has no access to check her grades or anything like that. I mentioned to him the one day should you not have access to that as well? He agreed. 

DH's should have access to what the BM's have access to especially if they are both involved and coparent.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

the login set up for the portal to check grades and attendance. SD's new school mails this set up information to the student's home so BM received it and big surprise either she didn't look at it or she just did not share the information. After last year's attendance it was important to get this portal set up and big surprise SD actually has perfect attendance this year. 

Yes, definitely! They should have a form for the other parent to actually fill out to make sure both are included and have equal access, but that probably will never happen. 

Livingoutloud's picture

if report cards are available electronically, I'd not be uploading them anywhere on parental portal. Court wouldn't care that it's done to prove the point that dad does things right  but BM doesn't. BM would turn it around thst she is the one with the kid full time and is overwhelmed  and dad lives child free most of the year so he has the time for all that. Not saying that's what happens but that's how it will look. Judge would see it as dad being petty.

I am not sure about picture day. Is BM required to share the info? Then of course she should. I'd not count on it though. I'd get the info from SD's teacher and school calendar. 


NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

From the school calendar and SD's teacher. Yes, BM is supposed to share that information as she is also supposed to share the medical and educational information too that DH cannot get without jumping through hoops, sending the CO, etc. or he wouldn't get access to that info.

All I was saying is in addition to the larger things she's supposed to share she can't even share the smaller things she's supposed to too. 

Livingoutloud's picture

Oh I get it. I am just saying courts don't care about that. Who uploaded what or that she didn't share stuff. It won't play any role in custody disputes. The only thing ever might plays a role is if there is serious abuse and neglect. Like if dad can prove that BM is an abuser he might have a shot at full custody. Otherwise no. And no courts do not care. Just look at the examples on this site. Dads would bend backwards and nothing ever changes.