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Jackielynn2000's picture

Hi again...I have a new life now. It's peaceful and calm. I love it. I love our 3 year old. She literally makes me tear up a few times a week because I'm so grateful and happy to have her.

I work with disabled children and often spend time at the hospital being there for the children-long Job

Anyway, stepkids decided to not interact anymore. Which honestly I don't miss the drama. Im not exaggerating when I say every week one of them got suspended for fighting or there was some girl who stole something from them(I once had to demand airpods back that I bought in a not stable home but then found out later stepdaughter lied about alot)...we know one is adhd , HF autism , high anxiety and other diagnosed with ODD as a child(lots of defiance and fighting in school) and now bi polar. I wont lie I love them both dearly despite their issues. We no longer have a relationship but I often think about how they are. I've put it out of my brain and focused on my own daughter. I do not contact them in any way . My husband has tried but he's blocked. 

Anyway I guess I'm here to vent. My daughter is about to he 3 and they don't know her-thwy refuse any family counseling and convinced their dad has abused them as children verbally (this is very new-we never heard this accusation until recently).
I know my only option is to focus on my own and give her an amazing life which she has but theres times that I, miss the old days. 
And wonder what it could be like if stepdaughters actually agreed to be kind. It all comes down to their mom who refuses to be kind.

JRI's picture

I think it's natural to think about your prior life once you've left..  i know I did.  Lots of "What if"s and recycling thru some of the drama.  None of this means we regret making a healthy decision.  But once we've lived with people for years, its natural to think of them.

As your life progresses, other events and people will fill it and you'll think less about your ex and the girls.  You're right to be focusing on your DD and your work.

Stay strong, you know going back would be a mistake.  I can remember, at a low point, 4 months after I left, at Christmas, thinking maybe my ex would really change as he had promised and our family could reunite.  I knew deep down that he would never change but not enough time had passed then.

Good luck, you're on the right track.


ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

It's interesting - I am still with my DH but disengaged from one adult SKIDDO. DH asked me the other day after we had attended a funeral, "Life is short, we need the family back together." Normally I wouldn't have had a response to this, but I had something to say this time. "Life is short. That is why I am not willing to go back to the bad dynamic with this SKIDDO. The situation for you and for him was not so bad - in fact it was quite cozy. For me, it was that bad. The treatment, behavior issues (towards me), the general discontentment no matter how hard I tried...yeah I am not in." He looked SHOCKED. I used to think the shock was because I had said somethign out of line...I realize now the shock is because DH and one of the SKIDDOs continues to only selfishly see it from their own feelings and memories. So, I am glad you have good memories but I wonder if they are under rose-colored glasses? The things you state would not make me have warm and fuzzy feelings about those kids.