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Here we go Part 2

DarkStar's picture

Part 1 from earlier today, all history and acronyms defined:

So, now the question is, what to do with BG? We have always had it in the back of our minds that we were going to have to take BG sooner or later, but that has become NOW. Sis1 and her hubby live in town.  DH spoke with them and said that they would take BG next week and take her back and forth to school. They live MUCH closer to where MIL/FIL live, so this is feasible. Then next week we can talk to MIL and get the ball rolling with BG transferring to school here. I am delighted to have a week as a breather to prepare the house (and myself) for BG to come live with us.
Bro1 and his wife and daughter live a couple of hours away.  Bro1 has made it crystal clear that he wants nothing to do with BG. He isn't mean about it, I suppose, but he pretty much does not acknowledge her existence. 
pBil has a prison record and cannot be around minor children as part of his parole.
Then last night, whoops, apparently DH misunderstood the willingness to help from Sis1 and her hubs. WE will drive BG to school this next week (45 min away), and they will pick her up from school and bring her back to our house. They will NOT just take her for the week. No explanation. Oh, but they support us 100%! My co-worker is supportive, but that doesn't mean jack. I thought they were going to HELP. This is just dumb and making everyone drive all over town. Sis1 and hubs are a bit older than us, and empty nesters, perfectly capable of taking her during the school week.

I know I know I KNOW that no one, including us, are responsible for taking care of BG for any period of time. I haven't slept worth a darn this week turning all this over in my mind. Just in these past few days with us she is THRIVING. We take the dogs for walks, I have a bike for her, we have a fenced in backyard where she can run around. This weekend we're going to go to the park and do other activities. She is just so darn HAPPY about being here. We are pretty strict with schedules and discipline and minus a couple of short tantrums so far, she is falling right in line. Yesterday when we were dog walking, she looks up at me and says "Aunt DarkStar I've really really missed you for a LONG time" with this earnest little face looking up at me. She's my little shadow, helping with laundry, setting the table, etc. So what's a beleagured childless SM to do?
As I'm typing, just received an update, MIL will hopefully be going home tomorrow, maybe tonight.  Then we can go over either tomorrow or Sunday and get this transition started.  I am 75% sure that MIL will not fight us on giving over guardianship, eventually custody and other legalities will need to be considered, but short-term we need to get MIL on board and get BG enrolled in school here.
I just told BG that her mom is feeling better and we're going to go visit this weekend. She looks at me with a sad face and whispers "I want to stay here." I say that she is, we're just going for a visit and to get more of her things. Then she perked right up. Oh my breaking heart!

Next update....will MIL fight us on turning over guardianship?


TheAccidentalSM's picture

Just be aware that you are in the honeymoon period with the little one.  Once she feels truely safe she may start to act out to release the issues of the past few years.  Please get her into therapy as a priority.

Rags's picture

These kids far more often than not carry life long baggage that sadly can severly damage if not destroy their own lives and the lives of so many others.  Those who step up to rescue them take an exceptional risk of destroying their own lives.  Rescue projects rarely live up to the hope that the rescuer moves forward with.

Be cautious and be ready for a life of cyclical heart break, periods of extended fury, and hopefully occassionally some periods of sunshine.  A blended family marriage can be a struggle with the "normal" challenges of Skids, growing as a couple. making a future together, launching Skids, etc... Re-starting at nearly zero when your youngest Skid is about to launch and you and DH are about to be able to focus on you as you progress into your empty nester years, commpounded with a damaged child that brings this kind of soul sucking baggage is far more than I think I could face.  Then throw in ILs who have destroyed their health to the point that they cannot live up to the commitment they made to this little girl...... with other family members so devoid of redeeming quality that they can't be around children because they are convicts or don't give a shit about her .  I would for sure look at finding a committed qualified capable family to give her a future with this horrific history as far away from her as can be arranged.  Which also gives you and DH back your own life and future together.  I will also mention... Greece. 

She will be regularly reminded of the history she has suffered. As will you and DH.  Every time there is a gathering, you/she runs into her BM, your MIL, your FIL, pBIL, the relatives/couple who have no use for her, etc................

Take care of you or you cannot take care of her. Regardless of what you decide.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

ksmom14's picture

What a tough situation!

I hope it all works out and isn't too difficult for you both.

Have y'all talked to your MIL yet? How did she respong? 

I hope BG continues to have a good relationshp with you Smile