Latest BM Drama
BM has been married for a year & just found out her DH has been having an affair for over half that time. A whole ass other relationship by the sounds of it. I know Stepland is making me selfish because my first thought was “great – how will this affect me/us” because I KNOW it will & my second thought was “those poor kids”. Her eldest two are SO’s but she’s got younger ones too. What a mess for them but my first thought was about myself.
Everyone keeps saying “I can’t believe he would do this” but I’m not at all shocked. Maybe a bit surprised that he was clever enough to lie for so long but that’s about it. She made a series of poor decisions & now here she is. For one thing, she chose someone young & dumb, mistakenly assuming that she could control him (financially, physically, all of it) but where there’s a will there’s a way & if someone wants to cheat they’ll cheat. I mean, we’re not talking about Rose & Jack or Romeo & Juliet here, they’re just two people who met & settled.
Nobody deserves to be betrayed, not even BM but in further proof that I’m not cut out for Stepping, I don’t even feel that bad for her. Since when do I not have a lot of sympathy for the victim of an unfaithful partner? Since now – apparently! Perhaps because she’s the perpetual victim, always has been, always will be.
SO is mostly concerned about his kids but I know he feels bad for her too. He doesn’t hate BM like most on this board. I can’t control his feelings but he agrees that it’s inappropriate to emotionally support her in any way & that's the main thing. The problem is, she keeps reaching out to him, I get the impression that she’s telling anyone & everyone who will listen about her woes. The other thing is that my SO’s brother rents out BM’s granny flat/in-law apartment in her backyard (long story, I have blogged about it before, SO & I both told him we don’t approve when he moved in but it’s his life & his choice) so he’s far too invested in the unfolding drama & making it harder for SO to have boundaries (boundaries are a new thing for SO as it is – he doesn’t need them tested hah).
I can’t help but wonder what will happen next. Will she be dumping the SK’s on us more? She normally hordes them because she doesn’t have an identity as a grown woman without them. Will she be chasing more money? The affair took place at work so she made him quit his job & she she hasn’t, doesn’t & won’t work. Steplife is no good for me – I hate that what gets tossed up over there always lands at our feet.
I’m usually pretty disengaged but I’ve inserted myself more this time, I’ve been around for long enough now, I’m not getting caught unawares. Is it okay to want more information/ask a lot of questions/expect a different level of transparency from my SO? It may sound trivial but this is what sometimes confuses me, I have set the precedent (choosing to be somewhat disengaged from the start for example) but as time progresses, I sometimes change my mind (in this example I want more information as opposed to asking him to keep me out of the drama).
Let's see what unfolds - time will tell...