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Frustrated with SD

Blessedmommy's picture

At the time I met my husband my SD was a high school senior. We all moved in togather right before Thanksgiving. She wanted her boyfriend to move in. I was against it but she had daddy wrapped around her finger and we werent married yet so I didnt have no say. I told him he had to contribute in some way. He never did. I married my husband soon after. I kicked the boyfriend out. My SD and I was constantly fighting because she wanted to stay out late and smoke pot in my house. DH kept on saying just get along. She finally graduated and I told her she needed to get a job or help out around the house. She didnt want to do any of it. She moved in with her then boyfriend. I helped her move and get things for her first apartment. Didn't hear from her for months even tho Dh tried to get ahold of her. She finally called him and said she was getting kicked out of her apartment. I told her she could come back with rules . My son came along right before she moved back in. It was fine for a couple of months when she started acting up again. She had no job , ate all of our food , didnt want to help with her little brother. I kicked her out and she moved back into her other step moms house. She ghosted her dad again. One day we werent home and she broke into my house and lied about it. She eventually apologised to DH but not to me. While she was living with her other SM she met a new guy. After a month of dating him she got pregnant. Trying to be a good SM I bought her stuff for the baby. She moved in with her new boyfriend. She once again ghosted us. We didnt hear or get a hold of her until she called hubby and told him she was about to have another kid. Didnt see any of the the babies until after the second baby was born. She then apologised to both of us and acted like she wanted to be a family. Made plans and she flaked out on us and ghosted again. Now the only time she calls if she is fighting with baby daddy and wants to move back home. First time she did that my DH went and got all of her stuff. As soon as she got here she called her boyfriend and then he came and got her. Made my DH bring all her stuff back. We were suppose to get togather and she ghosted us for a couple of months.She called DH last Thursday and boohooed to him that she really wanted to move in with us. So she called me and asked to help get the spare room ready on Saturday. She texted me Sat morning and said she had a headache. I brought her headache medicine and boxes. She said she would call her dad after she gets up from nap. DH got off work that evening and called her. She said she was making dinner and she would call him later. Wanted to get togather on Fathers Day. She texted him and said do what you want to do and we can get togather when you get back. She then made another excuse. My husband kept trying to get a hold of her but she ghosted us again. My husband will not confront her about her behavior , But the way she is treating him is making me very angry. My son doesnt understand why his sister is acting like this. I told my DH I am done with SD but he can still have relationship with her. But I feel like its going to cause problems when she reaches out to him again and have more fake apologise . I dont know what else to do. Thanks 

Comments

stepmomnorth's picture

Your SD has had many chances, by the sound of it. It seems like she comes around only when its convenient for her and on her terms. I couldn't tell from your post, did she end up moving back in with you? And now she also has 2 children? Is she still with the father of the children?

If it were me and she was wanting to move in, that would be a firm decline on my part, not a chance I would allow her to move in. She's been given multiple chances. She's an adult now, with children. She sounds lazy and by the sounds of it had other options of places to live. I don't blame you at all for wanting to disengage. It has got to be draining to deal with, this on and off again behavior. What is your partners take on all of this? 

Blessedmommy's picture

She hasn't moved in with us . She is still ghosting. My DH says there isn't anything he can do about her behavior. I told him that you are tolerating her behavior. We just get in a big fight. I have been told by his family that she has treated him like this all her life. He worked alot when she was a kid to provide for his family. And made him feel guilty. My friend says I should let it go and let him handle it. Thats why in the beginning I was always fighting with her because her dad wasnt doing anything and I wanted respect in my own house.

stepmomnorth's picture

You have a say as to who comes in and out of your own household, and if she is disrespectful in your home then you have the right to say that she cannot visit there, he can see her outside the home if he pleases. No one should be forced to be around people that are disrespectful and your partner needs to realize that.

Your partner is wrong when he states there's nothing you can do about her behavior. True that you might not be able to change how she behaves but you can certainly change what is tolerated or allowed in your presence or in your house. And if it's awful behavior then boundaries need to be created and enforced. 

shamds's picture

Needs to behave like an adult and mum of 2 kids.

when she has arguments with her babydaddy, she doesn't have a temper tantrum and run off to your home only to mins/hrs later get picked up by babydaddy to be brought back home- thats manipulative!!

its also not healthy for the young child you have together!! He absolutely takes precedence and priority over a temper tantrum manipulative adult sd and mother of 2 kids. 
 

there will be no more sd coming to your home and make it clear to your husband this sd shi*show will not be tolerated anymore. Its not healthy.

i have arguments with hubby but we talk things through. There is no running off to my dads or whatever. We talk it through as normal mature couples do. Its made us a stronger better couple at managing things as 1 family unit

shamds's picture

Needs to behave like an adult and mum of 2 kids.

when she has arguments with her babydaddy, she doesn't have a temper tantrum and run off to your home only to mins/hrs later get picked up by babydaddy to be brought back home- thats manipulative!!

its also not healthy for the young child you have together!! He absolutely takes precedence and priority over a temper tantrum manipulative adult sd and mother of 2 kids. 
 

there will be no more sd coming to your home and make it clear to your husband this sd shi*show will not be tolerated anymore. Its not healthy.

i have arguments with hubby but we talk things through. There is no running off to my dads or whatever. We talk it through as normal mature couples do. Its made us a stronger better couple at managing things as 1 family unit

Blessedmommy's picture

I asked my H if she  calls again with the same story. I will tell her she cannot move back in. He got mad and said he couldn't abandon her. I told him to move in with her then. I will not tolorate disrespect , maniplative, rude, and entilted behaviour anymore. I don't want my son around that. She has told me in the past she hated me but i just thought it was a teenage thing. She has also told me in the past that she would do anything to break us up. H knows it