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Don’t want holidays with SDs ever

Popstar's picture

Hi

Sorry I just need to vent. I have never been very close to SDs but we get on and it's amicable enough when we meet once in a while. However every time the youngest SD gets a boyfriend my husband thinks that she will change as a person and become more grown up and less of a drama queen! And that we will all miraculously get on and socialise together. At the weekend he said he would like to go on holiday with them. There is no way I could spend more than a day with youngest SD let alone a week! Honestly he is deluded I told him that this isn't going to happen and he can go on his own but I won't be going. I have told him no previously but he persists I just feel like banging my head or his against a brick wall sometimes! It just plays on my mind and I start imagining trouble down the line which I find unsettling! 

 

Winterglow's picture

Tell him to go on his own with them. That way he can pretend to be her chaperone. Doesn't he want to spend time with her when she doesn't have a bf? Does he have this weird longing to double date with his daughter? Doesn't he know he's too old? 

Shieldmaiden's picture

Just tell him you don't feel like being drunk the whole time, and that is what you would need to get through it, so he can go by himself. Take the money you would have spent on going on vacation with them, and buy yourself something nice. Or just go on your own vacation with a friend. It might be nice to ditch DH for a few days and not have to listen to his whining about the problems (ie spawn) that he has created for himself. 

Winterglow's picture

I admit that it has often crossed my mind to go on a retreat to a monastery with my sketch pads and my pencils just to get away from the noise and to be able to meditate and draw.... and I'm an atheist. The idea of peace and serenity and simplicity... and just focussing on me really, really tempts me. Unfortunately, there are not many monasteries that accept women and the places fill up at the speed of light! Dream on... 

SeeYouNever's picture

That sounds lovely, I'm in. I'll bring my paints and we don't have to talk unless you want to.

la_dulce_vida's picture

Come to the US. I know of a monastery near me that has hermitages (tiny houses) where you can do a solo retreat. They don't expect you to be religious or a man. Smile

Stepdrama2020's picture

So big daddio wants to double date with SD and BF, weird.

My bet he tries SO HARD to do anything so that SD will still love daddio. To hell with you and how you feel being around SD and watching your DH lick her boots.

You evil SM you. C'mon sign up for more punishment. You knew what you were getting into, right?  TOTAL SARCASM here.

 These foolish daddios rather please, bend and snap for their shitty DD's than take their wife into consideration.

Tell big daddio no thanks I would rather run barefoot over hot coals than watch this sickness.

AgedOut's picture

"you know hubby, a Daddy & daughters cruise sounds perfect. I think you should do it."

Missingme's picture

I wouldn't stay home while they have a blast together. That's exactly what your twit SD would love. Go and stay drunk the whole time. LOL

Rags's picture

This is pretty much what my DW and I have regarding the relationship we have with my parents. We do tons of stuff together.  Visits, vacations, etc......

I am extremely close with both of my parents, who just had their 60th anniversary at the beginning of the month.  Both mom and dad also  happen to adore my bride and the three of them love each other very much and get along great.  They also adore our son (my SS).

I tease the three of them that the only reason I am included in the DW, Mom, Dad tribe is that I am married to DW.

Pardon

There is no forcing this closeness with the 4 or us. It has just evolved over the decades though it did not take long for their bond (DW, mom, dad) to form.  Interestingly, this same dynamic is not present with my brother, SIL, and our parents.  For a number of reasons. 

My stance has always been that the family (mom, dad, little brother, and me) are the family and spouses and kids expand that dynamic.  My brother got a different lesson out of our close family while he was growing up. I am 6yrs the elder.  His lesson was that it was always the 4 of us and we were not close with extended family (GPs, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc...).  His position is that he was duplicating what we grew up with.   So he was not engaged heavily with our parents.  His kids are extremely close to their GPs (our mom and dad) but my SIL has always balked at how close we are as a family and really does not engage or facilitate that closeness beyond a perfunctory surface level.  It still seems to irritate her that she has not been able to prevent that closeness. There were a few incidents early in their marriage where she threatened to take my brother's kids and leave if he did not do what she stipulated regarding our parents.   He caved and it took a very long time for him to find his balls when dealing with his wife.   The risk to pushing back at that time was that my SIL's mother and SF are loaded and they would have destoyed by brother in a divorce/custody battle.  So, my brother played the long game.  He is now the loaded one, is phenominally successful and holds all of the cards in a end of marriage situation. The good news is that my brother and his wife have grown to be a close couple in the past ten or so years.  Though there were a number of times prior to that where my brother was very close to pulling the plug.

It took a very long time for my brother to finally put his foot down and start engaging with mom, dad, and I (and by association my DW).  My SIL is better about it than she was for 20 or so years, but... still is not a believer or a major participant.

My niece and two nephews, when asked where they consider their home to be, have always said that our parents home is home.  This goes back to when they were single digits and has held through years of international living, etc....  My DW and our son are on the same page with my brother's kids. The GKs are all adults (~30, 28, 25, ~21) and all are extremely close to their D-Ma and D-Pa.  No doubt any GGKs will be as well logevity willing.

shamds's picture

Is just as ridiculous and stupid as my hubby stating skids (sd23, ss20 and sd13) were coming on our 4th wedding anniversary romamtic getaway holiday.  Pretty sure i told my husband he was delusional and who the bloody hell would be stupid enough to think this is acceptable.

mini getaways to celebrate our birthdays or anniversaries are stepkid free always!! Thats firmly drilled into my husband. Even when skids get married hell no would we double date/vacation together, hubby knows there is no way i would torture myself like that

SeeYouNever's picture

It sounds like he's excited to be a grandpa which is kind of ick or maybe these guys could be the sons he never had? And he's wants to plan a trip with a guy he's never met?? Is he trying to woo the potential son in law to take SD off your hands? I mean... It's not unlikely. My SILs father was like this when my brother and his now wife were dating. She was very much the stereotypical child of divorce herself.