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Advice on divorce

Emchris's picture

Hello all,

I am looking for some advice on the situation I'm currently in. So my stepchildren are grown and out of the house. The one, 21 year old SD, decided it would be a good idea, after getting evicted from her first apartment and moving into her 2nd, to get pregnant to a 17 year old high school student. Long story short, he wasn't ready to be an adult and a parent (imagine that...) and broke up with her. She has a part time job, a car on its last leg, and lives in a slum lord apartment. She got pregnant intentionally because it's what keeps your boyfriend in the relationship...

My question is, what rights do I have to say She is absolutely not moving back into our house. Her dad thinks her being pregnant is just awesome, as does the 17 year Olds mom.. I want absolutely nothing to do with her and do not plan on spending any more of my time or emotions on her (she has treated me like shit her entire.life while I was the one raising her, not her dead beat dad). We own our home together, it's in both of our names, but from the time I was searching for homes, found this one, put all my time and effort into buying it, cleaning it, maintaining it, remodeling and upgrading it, he has done absolutely nothing. This house is all my blood sweat and tears and I do not want to lose it in a divorce. The day she asks her dad to move back in, I want to know I have a leg to stand on in saying no and not allowing her to move in, regardless of what her dad wants. This will also be when I end the relationship, as this will be the final straw in this sham of a relationship.

Any help is greatly appreciated. I did already contact a lawyer for a consultation, just waiting to hear back.

Thanks everyone e 

Survivingstephell's picture

A lot depends on where you live and those laws, if you can afford to buy him out of his half of the house and what kind of fight he will put up to keep it.  Get a good lawyer. Gather all the dirt you can for leverage.   I have to ask though, wouldn't a fresh start in a new place be more beneficial for your mental health?  Sounds like these skids put you through the wringer. 

Emchris's picture

They absolutely did, and a fresh start would be so amazing. I think I'm so attached to my home because I've put SO much work into it, including building my dream kitchen 100% from scratch with my own hands, right down to building the cabinets myself and everything in between. I've put so much love and work into my home, I hate to leave it to someone who will absolutely not take care of it and let it go to shit. Digging up the dirt is easy, I have plenty of information there, and I'm hoping the lawyer I picked is a good one, she has some really excellent ratings from what I've seen. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

First thing you do, is stop acting like you care about your home. Start talking about buying a different one, how you'd like a new house that has xyz, that you're ready for a new rehab project, etc. Create the appearance that you are NOT attached to your present home.

Hope your attorney is a good one, and helps you get away from that trash!

Tried out's picture

It is never smart to give your enemies the rope with which to hang you!

Emchris's picture

Thanks for that advice, while I am so attached to the home i've built, i need to have the outward appearance that I dont care, which is so hard for me to do. I just signed up for legal insurance through my work, which is a new benefit they offer, and HOPEFULLY ill be hearing from my lawyer in the next few days fingers crossed.

Rags's picture

Both you and DH have Veto rights to additional residents.  You say no, the answer is no.  

On this topic, there is no ability to over ride the Veto thrown by either partner. If the vetoing partner does not back off of the veto decision, there is no work around. IMHO of course.

As for trying to retain your home in a divorce. That may not be possible unless  you have the resources to by your potentially XDH out of his share.  I am not sure your sweat equity will have any legal merit any more than his lack of sweat equity in the home will have in the legal wrangling of a divorce.

Start working with your attorney now so you will have your strategy developed if and when you need it.

Survivingstephell's picture

Another tactic is to talk with as many lawyers as you can so he can't hire them.  Free consultation takes the lawyer out of the running.  Chose wisely.  Go talk with  the lawyers you not want yo be up against. 

Rags's picture

Take the attorney talent off of the table for his use by scheduling free consults with the top 10 divorce attornies in your area and retain the best of them for yourself.

Great tactic.

stepmomnorth's picture

I'm not exactly sure if the sweat equity put into your home would make much of a difference either, in terms of an individual advantage. As others have stated I think youd have to consult a good lawyer to see if it makes more sense to try to keep the home and buy out your partners share or sell the home. If you are really attached to the home perhaps you can find a way to make it work.

If you do move, at least you'll know the house value would be increased from all of your hard work, and sell for more. This is what happened to myself when I sold our home way back. However it's certainly understandable to try to continue to live there if possible.