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Shirts we need to order for next years Fathers Day

missgingersnap2021's picture

So after reading SMto2's blog, Crr18's blog and my own experience this past weekend I think most of us stepmoms on here should order tshirts that say "I will not be you emotional punching bag!!" and wear it the entire weekend.

Of course this happens at other times throughout the year but I really feel like Father's Day brings to the surface how disappointed these men are with their children and they end up taking it out on us. 

Some details about what set DH off this past weekend include:

Saturday night as soon as we all sat down at the restaurant DH's brother was asking SD17 when they were moving (BM is renting a townhouse close by and selling her house). SD said that they were going to start moving in the first weekend in July. So DH's brother says "Oh so she sold the house". To which SD says "No but shes not worried. The house is paid in full so she doesnt have to worry about paying the mortgage". Of course DH didnt like hearing that. He has been giving her $1000's and $1,000's of dollars a month so basically he paid off her mortgage. Plus he found out she is selling it for $550,000!!! She will be making a huge profit! 

Then SD went on to talk about her "educational plans". She is going to a dental assistant program starting in September 2 nights a week for 3 months and that's it. Then starting January 2023 she will be start working fulltime for bascailly jsut a bit above minimum wage. 'm sorry but there si no way he is proud of what she is doing. Wether he says it out loud or not. 

Then he was upset that SD was planning on comng here Sunday (he thought just like I did that we were celebrating Fathers Day with her Saturday and we had made plans for Sunday. Of course he couldnt say he didnt want to see her. And then he was annoyed that SD spent most of the day with her boyfiend and his family becuase he had wanted to do lunch with her instead of dinner. Hmm here's a thought - try making plans more than an hour beforeh and and maybe you could have done lunch!

Then she came over here with a lame gift that she couldn't even bother to wrap. 

But what happened Monday morning as I was trying to calmly talk to him about why he blew up at me about a chair the night before? Yup!!! You guessed it if you have been reading my blogs - I get the tirade "You have a problem with my daughter " and " I need to decide if I can be happy when his daughter is here".

Comments

missgingersnap2021's picture

I have said that to him over and over. He will never accept that he has always been the problem and that he has caused himself so much unhappiness!

missgingersnap2021's picture

He says its to "protect us" and "keep the peace". All he's done is make all of us misearable.

Ispofacto's picture

It sounds like at some level, he thinks she's unlikable, and he's self concious about it.  He's projecting his own dislike of his daughter onto you, and overcompensating for it.

 

 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Now thre's a thought Ginger. I never thought of that, but makes total sense!

My exDH was like that with me regarding the spoiled SD. She was very unlikeable and these daddios cover up at all costs. 

The few things you have mentioned about SD leads to she can be a mean girl with friends. She is spoiled and gets what she wants, without even asking, both BM and DH are in a war of who is the best, most doting parent. The result is a very entitled SD. She has no idea of a budget , and that a well paying job enables you to live well. This means nothing to her.  What matters is only two nights a week she has classes, and the rest is free time. To come and go with no chores or responsibility. Dang I want her life. LOL

You must know she will be with you full time as BM rolls off into the sunset with her BF, mortgage payed and all. Hard pill to swallow for  you and DH.

This is a hard time for you  Ginger . Your DH is taking his frustrations out on you. Not cool, add in his drinking, not a good life for you. With a good exit plan in place you can choose whats best for you.

Blessings

missgingersnap2021's picture

I din't think that's it. I think in his eyes she is perfect. And even if she does something he doesnt love he blames it on Bm (ex. She didnt push her to do things. She didnt teachher how to cook. she never pushed her to get a job)

Its like he blames everything on me and BM. Never hmself or SD.

MissK03's picture

This is a good concept. Ginger this would explain some of the defensiveness... from an outside perspective. He can't think she's "perfect" if he has any sense of logic. 

Crr18's picture

My SO actually has admitted that his kids are almost impossible to be around any more. He is saying things like this more and more. But yet he continues to be their whipping board.

ESMOD's picture

But.. he knew nothing his child ever did met her approval... and hasn't for as long as she has been posting here.. in one name or another (this isn't her first identity). I can definitely see how he made a misguided attempt to try to protect his child.. and keep his marriage by trying to not have them interract.. the problem is that MSG isn't toeing that line with him any more.. and he realizes it's not longer sustainable.

missgingersnap2021's picture

Maybe you are pulling from someone else but I have never been on here as someone else. Honeslty  I dont know how any of you can remember everyones past stories. The reality is my issue is the same as many other women in the world - Especially those married to a man with one daughter. I know multiple children and boys come with their own set of issues but the her vs me dynamic only happens with men that have one daughter. 

My post have changed though over the past year or so - I did used to put the blame on Sd when now I realize the issues came from the top (how BM and Dh raised her) 

Noway2b1's picture

I do feel like there's a bit of harshness that comes from lack of experience. (I was very much the same) I think she is also venting here and being more blunt than she would be with her DH to keep it from affecting her RL. The real problem comes down to communication and respect on both sides, which inevitably leads to a breakdown. The things that make me uncomfortable is the things like "Then SD went on to talk about her "educational plans". She is going to a dental assistant program starting in September 2 nights a week for 3 months and that's it. Then starting January 2023 she will be start working fulltime for bascailly jsut a bit above minimum wage. 'm sorry but there si no way he is proud of what she is doing. Wether he says it out loud or not."  It is highly likely MSG's spouse is picking up on HER feelings about this. I do have sympathy for many youth who have experienced the 2 years the pandemic has forced on us, these young folks have had their high school young adulthood lives upended along with the rest of us and now to be facing the possible inflation-recession is pretty scary for them. If I were MSG I would keep my fingers crossed that this retraction slows down and these plans actually come to fruition, otherwise the skid might be thrown in with people who have mortgages looking for and taking the jobs that young people have normally filled. I've told two of my sons who take their jobs for granted that they might want to show more commitment and responsibility with their work because I do remember a time when having a job was a privilege and you did everything you could to be a "good worker" so that you were not easily replaced by the ten applicants that would happily take your place. 

missgingersnap2021's picture

To respond to some of the things you said. Her high school years actually were very little affected because of Covid. she went to a small private school that except for the first couple months of Covid where they did remote learning they went to school every day. And then this year everything was back to normal and she got to experience everything that seniors get to do from home coming to the prom to senior trip etc.

as for her plans - she's not doing dental assisting because she truly thinks she's going to love it. she's doing this because it's the least amount of schooling and I don't think she's looking beyond that and how boring her life might be doing this for the rest of her life. She's also talking about trying to get another job this summer since she's only babysitting two days a week for about three hours each day but she literally made comments to us at dinner the other night about how she wants to apply at such and such place because her friend works there and her friend Told her how easy it is and how she has very little to do there and that it's not busy so she doesn't have to wait on a lot of customers. Meanwhile DH listens to this and doesn't say anything where I'm biting my tongue almost off wanting to say things like "so your goal is to have a job where you do the least amount of work, have the least amount of responsibilities and learn absolutely nothing?"

Do you think DH will say anything to her this weekend when she's laying around all day Saturday and Sunday about applying for jobs?  That would only happen if hell froze over

Mamabearof3's picture

If I had to see SD again I would so wear that. My DH and I agreed she isn't coming around again until she apologizes for her disrespect though. And she said they'll never happen. So I guess she's done with us. And that's fine with me at this point. Thankfully my DH has came to the light in this area and knows I'm not the blame and won't take it out on me. So far. We'll see if it changes. But I literally did text that to SD that I was done being her punching bag and scapegoat for nothing that have nothing to do with me. 

Mamabearof3's picture

I'm sorry your DH is taking it out on you though. Just finished reading and that's crap.