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Oh boy. Or girl. The Follies have reached another high.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Well, my SO finally got his "Happy Fathers Day" call at about 8 p.m.  Then the REAL follies began!

SD informs him with giddy glee (I could hear it from across the room) that she is pregnant again.  I saw the look on his face (terror) but he recovered quickly and said the perfunctory "Congratulations!  What great news..."

Why a look of terror you may ask?  Well, because SD has a history of two previous pregnancies which were extremely high-risk and in both cases she needed emergency surgeries to save her life. SD has always known she would be high-risk and is delusional about it, IMO.  In addition, she is well aware that some of her health conditions can be passed along to her children.  

The first pregnancy resulted in emergency life-saving surgery and a miscarriage.  The second resulted in her hospitalization/full bed rest until her own condition became so life threatening the baby was delivered once it was deemed to be viable.  The baby did survive after several months in NICU and needed subsequent major surgery later on.  Thankfully, the child seems to be physically recovered but it's now evident there are some developmental challenges which may be long-lasting. 

These are not "whoops" pregnancies. All three have been done with medical intervention.  I am absolutely stunned there are fertility clinics that will facilitate a patient like this. 

I can understand the desire to have a family and know that fertility challenges can be heartbreaking for those who want children. After the first baby had recovered from his prematurity/surgery and began to walk, SD/DH adopted another infant. My SO was relieved at that point because he thought she finally recognized how dangerous pregnancy was for her and woke up and realized there were other ways she could grow her family.

Now that child is walking, SD went for medical assistance to get pregnant again.

I honestly don't understand any of this and am so damn glad I am disengaged.  I personally think her decision is appalling, selfish and has ZERO empathy or compassion for what she may be putting that innocent child through simply because SHE wants to be pregnant again.  If she wanted to, SD has always had the funds to easily pay for a surrogate. 

The problem now is that I can already see the cloud over my SO's head.  He is undoubtedly going to be worried about this for the rest of the pregnancy.  And guess who he THINKS will be the personal whipping post he uses for his own anxiety about SD/her condition over the next months?  

Well, it won't be me anymore. That's for damn sure. 

 

 

 

JRI's picture

I admit I'm an old lady and many things have changed but I don't get it, either.  My friend's daughter is 59.  She married late and has been eager to have a child so underwent fertility treatments, in vitro, etc.  She did finally get pregnant a couple years ago and had a little girl very prematurely.  After a few weeks, the child died.  She just delivered another very premature child but it seems like he will make it.  I hope there are no permanent effects.   I'm glad she had a child but at 59?  She will be dealing with a teenager in her 70's.  I'm in my 70's and can't even handle a pet.  Lol.  Like you, I wonder about the ethics of helping a woman that age get pregnant.  Oh, well.  More power to everyone.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Again, I wonder about the ethics of those in the medical profession who facilitate this.  

Your post made me remember that once upon a time, BM (SD's mother) was turning 50, had just married a 20+ years younger man and told SD that she was hoping to have another baby.  I remember then that SD was appalled and thought her mother was crazy.  Well, I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree because it seems SD has inherited the same insane baby-fever. 

Noway2b1's picture

An acquaintance of mine (53) has two toddlers. 4 and 2.I cannot imagine. I have grandchildren that age and there is absolutely no possible way I could parent them like I did their mom. I guess that's both good and bad LOL. But I was exhausted just speaking to her. Then I realized the age she will be when those kids are just 20 (age of my youngest) and cannot even imagine. 

2Tired4Drama's picture

There are certainly a lot of men out there (thinking of celebrities) who have children late in life.  But they often marry much younger women and hire help who will do most of the parenting.

But in my SD's case, I don't understand the mental process in a woman who is already a mother thinking it's perfectly fine to take such awful risks.  If you KNOW you have a very high chance of a life-threatening pregnancy (for both you AND the child) and a risk of that child inheriting or developing debilitating health conditions - why would you continue to go down that path??   

IMO, she has to have some sort of mental pathology - narcissisim, delusional, who knows.  

Olivia2020's picture

or taking them into late stage pregnancy KNOWING of the high risks. There's a possibility that she goes to different fertility clinics and may not disclose her full medical history. Or the lack of ethics of the doctors that perform the implantations. 

BTW, who pays for these expensive fertility treatments? I hear it's $20K or so.

Sorry you're having to deal with SO taking his stress out on you. Ugh. If he starts talking about her or the situation, I'd light up a bundle of sage to chase away the negative vibes of SD and her drama coming into your living space, even when he's on the phone with her, haha! You know what makes him tick though to divert or halt his stress/anxiety/worry with this situation.

Hang in there, hugs

2Tired4Drama's picture

You are right, though, so far I've learned to divert his moodiness. He's learned not to push me for his stress which I have nothing to do with, or I will push back.  Still not pleasant to have to confront him on it, though.  He's smart enough to know it's his precious princess who is causing him to worry. 

As for costs, I, too, have wondered about the costs of multiple fertility rounds, a private adoption, and the hospitalization/medical costs for both her and her bio child.  I'm certain  it's the family money funding it which she is happily blowing through. 

She does make good money in her profession but if she keeps playing this game with her health, the day may come that she won't be able to work anymore.   

Shieldmaiden's picture

Wow! SD is going to new lows of stupidity. I am sorry you and your DH have to deal with the stress this causes for him, and subsequently, you. I too, have to deal with my DH's anxiety after his SD's constantly call him to tell him "good news."  Such as " Good news! I am going to Burning Man and I am going to do lots of drugs in a van in the desert!" Or..."Good news, Dad! I just got another job that I will a taxi service (you) for, and then I will quit after 3 days because my boss is mean. How dare the boss ask me to actually work!"  

Rags's picture

Smh.  My autoimmune disease is a primary reason who I have no BKs.  I would not risk passing this disease on to my own children.  Blessedly, my son has zero risk of being a T-1 diabetic, at lease with me as the source.

Though avoiding propegating my disease  was never really a cogent decision when I was in my prime breeding years.  Later, DW expressed interest in another baby.  Her OBGYNs have always been adamant that she not have another child due to her near fatal Toxemia/Pre-eclampsia experiences when pregnant with SS.

I would not risk her health just for a BK.  For me, she trumps any spawn regardless of kid biology.  Always has, always will. So, no Rags BKs.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Big difference between him and you and your loving bride.

He is literally a paid man and will dance to whatever tune SD sets.  That includes risking his own future children's lives. When you come from a background of poverty, drug addicted parents and have no education - finding a spouse who has millions and will let you spend it (as long as you comply to her whims) is something her DH likely sees as akin to winning the lottery. 

Who knows.  Maybe he doesn't care if she dies during childbirth as he will be a Very. Rich. Man.  He can easily find a younger and healthier wife to raise the kids and live a lavish life with him. 

I wonder if that has ever crossed SD's mind. I am certainly willing to bet it's crossed his.

Rags's picture

Though not anything that a Will/Trust wouldn't address. Preserve all resources for the kids, while daddy is supported only until the kids reach majority. Then daddy is on his own.

2Tired4Drama's picture

My SO talked to SD about a pre-nup and protecting her assets prior to her marriage. She blew him off and chose to ignore him. The same thing happened with BM when she married her boy-toy.  Grandmother (where the wealth comes from) told BM to get a pre-nup and protect family assets.  BM did not and chose to ignore that advice.   SD did the same.  I can only guess they both feel they are too wonderful and special for any man to rip them off or leave them. Narcissism, anyone?

If anything, it's gotten worse. SD does have the primary home in her name only (purchased when she first met her DH) but recently purchased (cash) an expensive beach-location home which she did put her DH's name on.  

The vast stupidity of these two women regarding their financial future and protecting assets is beyond anything I've ever seen. 

I keep thinking there is eventually going to be a made-for-TV true crime program about one or both of them losing everything and being reduced to abject poverty, or worse, getting knocked off.  

Stepdrama2020's picture

Your SD is being selfish on so many levels. She already has two children, a husband, and family that cares . Why would she risk her life, and her unborn baby. Its like she is playing russian roulette . What kind of mother does that?

On top of all these risks she must be an attention whore. Everyone worried about her.

SELFISH

Do not put up with DH taking his worry out on you.

Blessings

bertieb's picture

She could die, the baby could have permanent problems, other children will have to be raised in this entire drama... she and her husband are both a mess. I'm sorry for you and your husband having to be part of this bad choice.

advice.only2's picture

 "Congratulations!  What great news..."

Or:

“Daughter while I support you I admit I am worried given your health and past pregnancies.  As my daughter I am always going to worry about your health, and while another grandchild can be a blessing, it scares me to know you are taking this risk again.”

2Tired4Drama's picture

He's attempted to do the kind and caring father talk many times over the years. Everything from her piercing/tattoo health risks when she was younger to talks about protecting her financial assets, 

SD makes it VERY clear she is not interested in his opinion on her decisions and she will NOT tolerate it.  She is perfect and does nothing wrong.

SD has trained him (via her passive aggressive withdrawal tactics) that all comments to her are to be worshipful and without a whisper of concern or challenge. 

stepmomnorth's picture

That is sad and unfortunate. I share the concern you do and find her behavior appalling as well. She really is acting selfishly and not thinking through things but what she's doing is so risky. It's clear that she thinks she can do no wrong. It's her choice, however not a very good one.

advice.only2's picture

I hope given recent events she is in a state where she can still have life saving surgeries should anything happen to the fetus...if not I would say her chances don't look good. 

2Tired4Drama's picture

If "life of the mother" is not an option (as is under consideration in some states) then hypothetically SD's emergency surgery during her 1st pregnancy would not have happened. 

She would be dead. 

Who knows what will happen with this one.  .

Miss T's picture

... so what's a few extra sick kids?

Your SD sounds like a loon. Why on earth does her dam keep the money spigot open? She ought to put the funds in trust. She's not only enabling irresponsible and cruel behavior (those kids will suffer) but also is allowing the funds to be squandered.  She needs her head examined.

The apple doesn't fall far.

2Tired4Drama's picture

SD knowingly took risks and her bio child has physical and developmental problems which the child will carry throughout life. 

I agree the money should be put in trust. But it won't happen, just like the pre-nup wouldn't happen. 

I predict the well will run dry during SD's lifetime (sooner rather than later) and her kids may start out their lives with some wealth but will wind up without it.