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Learned in less than 24 hours

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Last night we successfully picked SD up from the airport. In less than 24 hours we have learned the following from SD

1. If SD has something to do on her flight, she does not come off the flight crying or the flight attendants telling us SD was crying during the flight (the last flight BM did not send SD with a single thing to do except crayons and paper during a night flight that was dark and SD was really upset when she got off the plane). She couldn't of been in a better mood than how happy she was when she got off the plane last night. BM messaged asking how SD did hours after we said we got SD because she was emotional before getting on. 

2. SD has never gone to tutoring before, so all year she did not receive extra help outside of school except whatever BM was helping her with even though BM claims SD had gone to a tutor the last two months of school, did not sign up SD for the free school tutoring her teacher signed SD up for, but according to SD she has never gone to a tutor or had help from anyone except during school hours.

3. Another child older than SD's sister lives with them currently and lives in the like sun room and has a curtain up as a room divider since it is a big room and there isn't a door for his half of the room.

4. SD does in fact share a room with her sister, which again is totally fine, but just sucks for SD because last visit SD was all excited to have her own room. 

5. BM did send SD with a phone, big surprise this "new" phone that has a broken screen protector on it is not SD's phone, but really her sister's phone. Looked to see if there was any crazy stuff on it this time and not really. DH is actually saved under SD's phone as "Dad" and has a picture of DH with SD when she was like a baby as his picture. BM's DH messages with SD's sister a lot on the phone. Looks like at least in messages he tries to be more caring and involved than SD made him out to be over winter break, but who knows. 


For now that is all I can think of. SD is happy about camp and tutoring coming up, both start next week. Will be making her a doctors appointment about the bug bites, hopefully we can get that looked at soon.


JRI's picture

Remind me, how old is she?  How long will she be there?

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

while she is with us. We will also have her for 7 full weeks

JRI's picture

Sounds like a careless, dishonest BM.  I guess shrs doing her best in her mind but not too impressive or encouraging.  I feel sorry for SD.   Sigh.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

I could see her really thinking she is this wonderful mom and truly believing that to be true. I feel bad for SD too. I am hoping these next 7 weeks do good for her, then it will be one week with BM before starting school again. I am very interested to see how next week's assessment goes with her tutor and then the assessment on her last tutor session. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I feel exactly the same way. I know it makes no sense, but just from what NotYourAverage writes I get an uneasy feeling as well.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

are not the only ones. Sometimes it is tough because you wonder if you are just being biased because you don't like BM that you feel certain types of ways about things. DH and I already made a report about him once and that went no where. At this point only hope is if there is something with him and now that he is actually living with them and not deployed on the other side of the world anymore that either of the girls would say something to someone either at school or something so if there is something it would come to light. 

When looking through SD's phone today, not only were there messages with BM's DH who is saved in the phone as his first name, but photos with him and everyone. DH was right months ago, BM's DH has been in their lives for as long as I have or longer. DH was pretty sure after learning things about him that this was the person that was coming over to their home on base while DH was working, deployed, at training etc. long before they separated or DH filed to divorce her and BM was bragging to another military spouse about it, who ended up outting her to DH. I think he is a total piece of shit just by that. He is also a marine and it is a HUGE no, no to be doing anything at all with another service member's spouse. I remember when SD's sister was still in our lives she would say here and there about this guy who turns out to be BM's now husband. He is definitely shady at the very least.

Livingoutloud's picture

Did BM's husband turn out to be SD's sister's dad? If not, then who is it? Did DH ever do DNA testing on SD? 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

if he is just adopting SD's sister because he is married to her mother. When BM was pregnant with SD's sister, BM still lived in her home state, BM's husband is from a state where it was 6.5 hours from where she was living to the border of the state he is from. We have not a clue if she knew her husband then or if it was later on. Or if it was the first base she lived on or the second. When DH had separated and filed to divorce BM, they had only been living at the base in VA for about a year. So who knows what is the truth and BM will never tell it. SD's sister has more of an olive skin like BM's husband does, while both BM and my DH are very pale.

DH did do DNA testing on both children when the military spouse outed what BM was bragging about to her to my DH. BM was bragging about the child not being my DH's, so he had both children tested as soon as he was told that information. 

Livingoutloud's picture

The whole story with mystery bio father is weird. Like where did the person vanish? Never to be heard or seen?

My DH sometimes thinks OSD isn't his because when he was in the army, BM refused to permanently live on base and always went to home state and wouldn't come back until he begged. Then she was pregnant. He wasn't sure about time frame. He tried not to think too deep. As soon as OSD was born she again didn't want to live on base and just took off with the kid. She was on and off like this until he was discharged. SD looks nothing, absolutely nothing like he or anyone in his family. It doesn't really matter to him one way or the other and he'd not care to know,  but I'd not be surprised as apparently these  shenanigans are not uncommon. These women have no shame.  

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

to my DH is that one night while she was living in her home state, someone broke in to where she was living, and raped her. She never reported it to anyone and never told my DH. She only later told DH after he filed papers to divorce her and had moved out of the house they were living in. That is when the child was 3. BM tries to say because DH had primary custody of SD and SD's sister for well over a year that she says SD's sister was kidnapped because at that time DH knew the child wasn't his, but had taken her away from BM. Meanwhile DH still had legal rights to her and was on the birth certificate, etc. so not kidnapping especially when BM did not actually legally do anything about removing DH's rights until 1.5 years after DH separated from her. Isn't it so interesting how facts get twisted to justify telling lies to make the other person look bad?

AH, that is awful and very strange. I would assume the child is probably not his either. These women have no shame at all and try and twist their wrong doings as being the other parent or the non-biological parent's fault. Makes absolutely no sense.

Livingoutloud's picture

If it was kidnapping, she'd be calling 911. If she thought it was kidnapping yet didn't alert authorities, then what kind of mother is she? She makes these stories up yet doesn't think how it makes her look. Eventually SD's sister will ask if I was kidnapped why didn't you call the police. And I hope the girl asks these questions when she is older 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

And exactly, but she couldn't call 911 because BM allowed for over 1.5 after DH separated from her for DH to primarily raise and support her daughter that she was going to always take his rights away to because it was convenient for her at that time. DH had rights to her until BM I guess had enough money that she could take his rights away and afford her on her own? No matter what way you look at it, BM is the one that looks bad. 

We still have all the paperwork from DH's lawyer that we can show SD when she gets older of DH's attorney filing to block BM's request for the paternity test that would allow his rights to be taken when the results came back, etc. So it definitely was not kidnapping and we have tons of proof that DH did fight to keep his rights.