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A Big Surprise for me on Mother's Day from YSD

Disillusioned's picture

Yesterday morning I recieved a voicemail from YSD along with SGD leaving me a surprisingly very nice voicemail. Wishing me Happy Mother's Day, even ending the message with YSD telling me they love me very much

I was dreading any of the usual nonsense and waiting for something to happen to show me all was a slap in the face but couldn't help but think it actually sounded sincere from them

A little bit later on the most stunningly beautiful flowers arrived, with an emotional note with again mention that they love me so much

I was really surprised, tentatively pleased, and waiting for the 'catch'...you know like last year when YSD posted on FB for the world to read how much she loved the "mama's" that do so much for them - BM and YSD's MIL. No mention of her SM of 24 years in that post and the one thing she sent to me was insulting rather than kind and it really ticked me off back then

Later in the evening yesterday I see YSD has tagged me in a post on FB and I thought oh here we go, this is the kick in the face

Well what a shocker. It was absolutely the opposite! 

She wrote quite a touching post about how trying the last few months/year had been, how thrilled she was to be a mother, and how she wanted to thank the three mother's in her life, who have helped shape who she is. 

They were mentioned, and in this order: BM, Disillusioned (Me! Wow) and MIL

Really and truly surprsied and pleased. 

DH literally cried it moved him so much

And DH & I agreed that perhaps the last couple years I've been "hands off" as DH politely put it, maybe made YSD think about things and realize she needed to change. 

Not sure where we go from here. I did go out of my way to really thank her for everything and make sure she knew how much it meant. 

Yes I'm confused once again when it comes to her, but nothing I can possibly complain about from her yesterday!

WOW Smile

 

I'm Enough's picture

I'm sorry, she's trying to impress her daddy. Been there. "DH litterally cried...." just saying.

Disillusioned's picture

LOL I'm Enough, it wouldn't surprise me at all. But it impressed me a little too haha. Those flowers must have cost her a fortune 

Disillusioned's picture

Yes JRI, what else can you do. We'll see what happens next. But for now from the phone call to the flowers to the FB Post, YSD outdid herself for sure

ESMOD's picture

I think we can take these nice things.. but we can still have in the back of our mind that while this is nice.. we are still not on their "mom's" same level.. but that's ok.. it's not like we should be right? we didn't birth them.  Maybe age and time have dulled the emotions and maybe being a mother herself has brought about some epiphany with her?   Maybe she is just growing up.

I would be gracious.. and thank her.. and just be cautiously optomistic about the future... but enjoy the limelight.. even shared it's nice.

Disillusioned's picture

Yes ESMOD I would never even remotely consider myself a Mom to YSD or anywhere near the level of BM. You are so correct, I did not birth her nor in my opinion have any real obligation to do much at all for her, other than try to be a decent human being and set a good example of that 

With that said, considering all us SM's do anyway for the people we didn't birth and who generally treat us like garbage and make sure we know we aren't the Mom, it sure is nice to be acknowledged! 

Noway2b1's picture

Is it a love bombing technique? 2 of my SDs reached out similarly. I've been detached for 2 years. I wonder if they've finally noticed. My DH was very "moved" by it as well. One more month and it would have been a year of no contact between us. Just no reason to be in contact.

I used to reach out and check on them/share our life via text/social media. I no longer initiate anything. It just kinda makes me wonder, especially after all it's been years since we've even had any meaningful contact. 

Disillusioned's picture

Interestng Noway, I'm not sure but something to think about. I think your SD's noticed, as has mine. Maybe they realize they've lost the "upper hand" and want to make sure they're in control of the situation...

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Could certainly be YSD trying to stay relevant. She's vacillated a lot throughout the years you've been on ST. She seems unwilling to completely cut out anyone, be it you, your DH, or her sister or aunt.

Merry's picture

I keep looking for hope with my SD and SS as well. Every now and then there is a glimmer of affection. Just appreciate the effort and the civility. Could be the start of a new path, could be a hiccup.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

That is very nice. She clearly was committed to being thoughtful and inclusive.

Where do you go from here? I advise you to follow form, send a thank you note, and then get on with your life. The relationship is still up to YSD, and over the years she's shown herself to be quite the turn coat. This could be a sign of maturity and hope for detente, or just another example of YSD in a good mood. Keep your expectations to zero, and see what unfolds.

Ruby88's picture

Very nice and shows that anyone can have a change of heart. Those who were telling you it's fake don't have forgiving hearts and likely play a role in the problems they have with their own stepchildren.

Kaylee's picture

You should walk a mile in their shoes.

You don't know their lived experiences with their stepchildren.

Rags's picture

Enjoy and appreciate the gesture.  Well done expressing your appreciation for that gesture. 

Though one instance of calm civility does not a behavioral change make.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Coming at this from an SD perspective, sometimes we can turn over a new leaf, especially when things change in our lives and we see what a-holes we've been or how we've grossly misunderstood a situation. Being a SM has caused me to re-evaluate how I viewed situations in the past with my parents, and I'm sure motherhood will do the same (and maybe it did for YSD, too).

I'm not saying forgive and forget. Cautious optimism is always a good approach. Sometimes miracles DO happen and us SKs figure out that we're a big part of the problem, too.

caninelover's picture

It sounds like SD maybe maturing.  I hope the trend continues!