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SD missed her flight … AGAIN

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

So we bought SD's spring break flights on January 27, 2022. As soon as we bought them, I added the flights to the calendar on the CO app, it lists the time on the day, listed the flight number, included a screenshot of the flight information from Alaska airlines that shows all of the same details listed on the calendar. Today I checked SD in for her flight, paid the $50 fee, and messaged BM saying I checked SD in. 

The flight was scheduled to depart at 6:50 pm, since we are 3 hours behind, around 2:30ish I was like that's weird BM hasn't messaged anything yet. But because we are trying to not send messages that she can frame as harassment and abuse, didn't say anything. Then the app notified us that the flight was boarding so I messaged BM at 3:10 pm our time asking to make sure SD was boarding since we hadn't heard from her and her flight was boarding. Radio silence. Messaged at 6:40 pm making sure SD was on the plane since still hadn't heard anything. Then at 6:55 pm, the app said the flight took off and hadn't heard from BM so I sent a third message askng if SD is on the plane since we hadn't heard anything and according to Alaska the flight departed. 

I texted DH and said I think SD missed her plane again you need to call BM. So he calls BM and she says SD's flight is at 9:50 tonight. Make a long story short, apparently the CO app updated and now it changes the time of calendar updates to the time zone of the person looking at it. It didn't do this before and I cannot select time zones when adding things to the calendar. So instead of looking at the screenshot of the flight info and/or looking online to make sure the flight is on time, etc. BM saw the 9:50 pm part on the calendar and just went off that. 

BM insisted that they will rebook SD's flight no problem and free and DH said no, they won't because it already departed and that is their policy and we spent $900 on the flight. BM then complains she will be outted money and such because she had plans for tomorrow. BM then gets the airline on the phone and she messages us that there are no direct flights tomorrow only connecting. That's funny BM because online it shows there is the same flight tomorrow and send her the screenshot of it. BM was trying to get out of taking SD tomorrow to do her plans. BM after does get SD on tomorrows flight and because I got the receipt since it's mine and DH's account know she had to pay $250 for the flight and she probably doesn't realize she will probably have to repay the fee which is another $50. 

After getting that info, BM then complains that her info should be on the flight, etc. so it wouldn't be so difficult. Uh, no BM it is our account and we cannot add your info as another contact info and if you paid enough attention, none of this would of happened. Since we pay for all the flights, etc. we have SD on a mileage plan, etc. all hooked up to our account. After telling BM we cannot add her because it won't allow it, BM goes on this whole thing that she should be added and that we need to pick the right time zone on the app ... we can't do that and before it didn't autocorrect to the user's time zone so we wouldn't of known any of that and she had all the information available to her for her to look it up. We even explained how you download the Alaska air app and you can add a flight with the flight number to keep up to date on a flight. Her contact info gets added when she checks SD in for the flight there is no reason for our info to be taken off and her added prior to check in at the airport especially when she can track a flight on her own ahead of time.

Also, when on the phone with BM confirming SD would be on the flight tomorrow, she's talking then her husband chimes in. I guess he isn't in Japan now, but there was no need for his input. He must be insecure because he keeps having to throw himself into everything. 

I am sad we lost a day with SD we will be requesting another day for summer, but I feel less mad now knowing they finally had to pay for her incompetence. From now on she will also get a message that details depart time in her time zone, etc. because we can't afford for this to happen after this trip since it'll be a minimum 3 hour drive each way to the airport due to BM's move.


thinkthrice's picture

My first ex used to dispute the Gregorian calendar as respects the visitation schedule, I kid you not!

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

That's ridiculous. You would think when there's a 3 hour time difference you might check or check online to make sure the flight is on time, etc. 

CastleJJ's picture

At least you know that the app does that now so you can plan accordingly. As much as it sucks, these things are going to happen occasionally - long distance is tricky. While BM should have checked the screenshot with the flight details to double check, this really is the app's fault and out of anyone's control. Just make sure you get an extra day this summer and leave it at that. 

I agree with you that BM's DH sounds insecure. Our BM's GF always jumps in when phone calls between BM and DH are necessary and it's always annoying. I don't get involved with their communication at all so DH said it's like an awkward triangle with GF trying too hard to assert her role. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Since I can't pick time zones, DH wants us to enter it we usually have so that BM doesn't show up 3 hours earlier than she should and that be blamed on us.


we will provide all the info as we have plus DH will message her with the details of her time for drop off too, so there is no possibility for it to be misconstrued. 

Yes and no to it being the apps fault. Flights can be delayed, etc. it is not mine and DH's job to update her every little detail when she has full access to check flight status. When it is our drop off, yes we would notify her because it's our turn for drop off, but we shouldn't have to babysit BM every step of the way. We are in a different time zone and can't know or anticipate something like that 

Livingoutloud's picture

I fly a lot (and i mean a lot) including overseas, including some complicated connecting flights, delays and flying overseas in the midst of pandemics. I have never ever missed a single flight in my 56 years of life. My whole family flies a lot, my DD regularly flew across the world from a young age. We do not miss flights. 

People who miss flights are some kind of special breeds. She sounds very dumb and uneducated. Doesn't know how flight schedule works, can't figure out sn app, doesnt understand time zones, doesn't understand arriving to airport early (and early by a lot), doesn't understand traffic etc

Dumb just dumb. Terrible that her stupidity causes stress to others

TheAccidentalSM's picture

I've only missed a flight once and that was because the train service was cancelled at the last second and it took more than 2 hours to do a 30 minute journey.  It never happened again.  (Especially because I was young and didn't have any funds to rebook to get home.  I sat on luggage area at the check in desk and cried until the luckily one of the staff took pity on me)

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

When we don't have the time and shouldn't have to babysit a 30 year old woman. 

I've never missed a flight either. I have the WORST luck when flying though and it is never because of being late or anything. We missed SDs flight that one time because it took over 2 hours to get through the line to the attendant at the counter 

thinkthrice's picture

Recently due to flight attendants not bothering to show up at all.  I try to do an hour or more layover time just in case but sometimes it is unpredictable.

In OP's case though it's the BM being a passive-aggressive idiot

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

She is provided the flight number and the screenshot from the airline almost 2 full months in advance in this case. We already bought and provided the information for the summer flights. She doesn't want to get online or download the app or do any leg work. 

I doubt she will do it again after paying $250 for a flight out to us and then I think they will have to repay the companion fee so another $50. DH didn't think she would pay for a flight at all and I'm also surprised, but at the end of the day it was her lack of preparedness that made SD miss her flight again. 

ndc's picture

As much as you shouldn't have to and it is annoying,  I would spoon feed all the info to this BM and provide her with reminders as well. You know she's dumb, lazy and disorganized, so you can take the extra steps that you shouldn't have to and have a much better chance of getting SD to you on time, or you can leave her to her own devices and chances are she'll continue to fail. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Going to just keep happening. 

we already messaged BM this morning a screenshot of the flight, reminded her they are getting snow there today, etc. so just going to have to spoon feed BM each time SD is flying to us or we are going to have the same issue over and over again.

ESMOD's picture

This is frustrating and clearly your DH's EX is not a very savvy traveler.

That being said.  I have always been able to add my DH's email and/or cell number to reservations where he is ticketed so that he can more easily get information about the flights... it doesn't give him access to your account.. just that ticket/flight?  Maybe Alaska is different than the other airlines I travel on though.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Alaska when I book the flights only allows me to put one form of contact info and it is mine since it is our account and I work from home

im going to see if after I book it I can add her info, but probably not. Which is why we told her to download the Alaska airline app and she can add the flight to the app and get all the notifications for it. When people travel to us, I do this so we are up to date on any changes etc. 

ESMOD's picture

When I book.. there is your contact.. but you can also send the ticket or itinerary to someone else via text or email... like someone might want to share their travel plans with a parent or something like that.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

When I've done it, I haven't seen that option at all, but I will look and see if I can after booking even

Livingoutloud's picture

Do you get email or text with booking confirmation? Of something like that? My DD and YSD always send us their flights info via email or text. It doesn't matter which airlines as they use several. You should be able to do it with any airlines. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Via email I get shows how much we paid for the flight and other personal info we don't want BM knowing. Yesterday I found from the app I can share flight info via text and it sends the flight number and departure/landing info, but again it's all the info we already sent BM

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

I saw the flight departed and hadn't heard anything. I was like omg this is annoying !

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

DH called BM after the flight said it departed and hadn't heard anything since we didn't get a call from the airline saying SD wasn't on the plane. 

Unless it is an emergency, all communication is to be done through the CO app. It also isn't DH's responsibility to call and babysit BM more when she is provided with all the information 

DH is also still working the whole time BM should be at the airport, during check in, and take off. He can't be calling BM during his work day

Livingoutloud's picture

Did SD finally arrive? 
i am thinking BM is doing all this on purpose. Messing with your plans 

Thumper's picture

I get it, this is a pain in the rear OP. 

DH and you are going to have to stay on BM's rear.

Dh'child is only 5. 

IF dh is too busy with work that he cant track where sd5 is OR is not, that falls on you. OR maybe dh's dad can stay on top of flights,  if you are just over it all. 

It is not about bm being a ding bat or irresponsible,  it is only about sd. 

As far as only calling in an emergency, well, the unknown about sd being on a plane OR not,  is justifiable in calling bm. 


NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Call her after it seemed she wasn't on the plane. BM's irresponsibility doesn't fall on DH, me or DH's dad. Yesterday DH messaged BM several times making sure she got there, but it was a weekend so he was available to do so. 

Yes, SD is only five which is why her mother should be taking extra care when she is the one dropping her off!