You are here

The time to make my decision has come

Gonnalosemymind17's picture

I think I've made the decision to ask him to move out, we've been living together a little over two years, my health has suffered, I'm mad all the time, I live in a dirty home where all I do is nag at everyone, and I feel like I am the only adult in this house. I can't do it anymore! He has made some improvements but unfortunately it's just not enough, I just don't wanna be in the situation anymore.We are going to stay together but not live together until his children are grown and out of the house. I look forward to not being stressed out and focusing more on raising my child and taking care of myself. I'm scared, I'm not gonna lie ... I'm scared that I might regret it but it's not working for me so I have to take the chance. Wish me luck

ESMOD's picture

When a relationship situation is causing you to actually suffer medical breakdown.. you need to make changes.  He may/may not want to continue in separate homes.. and I'm sure the financial difference will be hard to take.. but in the end, it's your call and if this is what you need to do to find peace.. do it.

justmakingthebest's picture

I think you are making the right choice for what it's worth. I went back and read your other post and there just aren't going to be the changes you need to be healthy while you live together. He may or may not want to continue the relationship, but either way, you need to stand your ground because you are important and your daughter is important. 

Merry's picture

Major life changes, even the good and healthy ones, are hard.

I think you've made a good decision here. Keep a list handy of why you made the decision you did for the times you feel less sure. And be prepared for him to love bomb, make promises, say anything he can to get to stay. But it won't last.

Hope peacefulness is just around the corner for you.

JRI's picture

Carolyn Hax said, "The 2 things about transitions:  1) they're hard; 2) they"ll pass."  Good luck.

Rags's picture

Good move.  Take care of yourself.

Sooner rather than later.

Just keep in mind that your SO is failing to parent. Make sure you want them interfacing with your own child. Whether or not SO is your child's other BioParent or not.

Gonnalosemymind17's picture

Thank you all for your reply's they mean a lot to me!

he has agreed to move out, I think he realizes I'm never going to be happy in this situation. Financially  I'm going to take a hit but at least I won't have to deal with his lack of being financially stable among many other things. I hope it doesn't take long for him to go, I just want to be alone with my daughter again like I was before I decided to move out with them.

Winterglow's picture

I'm glad to hear that. Life is too short to spend it in unhappiness.

Yes, you'll take a hit financially from one side but you'll gain from another - less utilities used, less food to be bought, less mess to clean up, less stress, improved health, happier outlook on life and, the biggie, you'll get your life back!

Gonnalosemymind17's picture

Here I sit at 5am writing this because I'm so pissed off, been up since 4am. Another reason I want to leave is that one of my deal breakers was that he would quit smoking if we were to move out together, well he promised and delivered but as soon as we moved in he started smoking again. I am a light sleeper and get woken up by his coughing which he says has nothing to do with smoking (hahaha). It just drives me crazy that he has made me all these promises he never keeps. I'm sitting here crying, mainly because I'm upset at myself for believing him over and over again. I'm so tired and mad and sad over all this. It makes me so sad that I have to do this, it's so sad to know that yet another relationship I couldn't get right. If it was just about the kids amd the messiness but it not, I wish I didn't love him anymore....

Gonnalosemymind17's picture

We are renting and are both under the lease for another two months, I own my own apartment and I'm waiting for my tenants to also move out in two months So that I can move in there

Gonnalosemymind17's picture

He says I belittle him constantly. He says I will never be happy with him. He says he will never be good enough for me. I ask him to be financially responsible, I ask him to stop smoking, I asked him to pick up after himself, and I ask him to discipline his children. We have been living in my townhouse for the last two years, he has paid $600 a month to live here with his two children who are part time here. And he still after two years he can't get his finances straight even though he makes more money than I do, he never has money to go on vacations yet he walks in here with beer and cigarettes all the time , how do I not complain about these things I just don't get it.  I don't think I ask too much from him am I wrong? I love him amd all this fighting is breaking me

Someoneelse's picture

You are not asking too much, if he stopped smoking and drinking he'd have a lot more money! 

Rags's picture

Change the locks.

He is gaslighting you hard.  This is not your fault. It is his.